To make a long story short, I ended up depressed and hopeless, but for the love of my children, I never outwardly showed it. I sought help, ended up on anti-depressants, and went through the motions of having a great life. After all, I have five wonderful kids, a huge house, lavish vacations and plenty of money. Why would I not love entertaining myself with manicures, shopping and playing tennis? Nothing satisfied the hole that was left by vasectomy. It meant so much to me to be open to God’s will for my life. I have always wanted to do everything that God asked of me and would give up every material item, every luxury to be able to do so. My husband, on the other hand, after the vasectomy was unable to open himself to God’s plan, and I now see this as due to his being cut off from the grace he needed because of the sin.

Five years ago I started saying the rosary every day again, and I always wanted to ask for his conversion but instead offered it “for those who needed it most.” I realized that he could never love me the way I needed and that only God could fill that hole. It took me a lot of prayer and a couple of panic attacks to ask him to confess his vasectomy so that our family could have the line of grace restored to us. He did and he felt forgiven, but I still felt that there was damage that needed repaired, but I never spoke of it. In our families, you don’t talk about your feelings, so I continued to keep it inside and continued to live in general anxiety and fear that I would feel this way forever. In March of this year, I sent a prayer request with a group of seminarians to Lourdes and all it said was, “For my husband’s continued conversion”. You see, I never asked for another child. I know that I don’t know what God wants for us, but I want to be open to anything he wants for us. Two weeks after the 150th anniversary of Our Lady’s appearance to St. Bernadette at Lourdes, my husband came home and told me that he felt like “he’d been slapped in the face” and was not happy in the rat race. He looked at the house we were building and wondered “why?” On my birthday, March 19th, he gave me a card and told me that his gift to me was to have his vasectomy reversed. He told me that he realized that it was a terrible selfish sin, and he wanted to make reparation. He also wanted to go to individual confession because the first time he confessed was at a general absolution, and he knew that wasn’t enough. We went to confession together, and he told the priest that he was planning on a reversal, and it was then that he finally felt that he was doing the right thing.

I still have anxiety because I will always wonder why I had to suffer for ten years, but I know that something wonderful will come out of this. My husband is still not “open to children”, and we will practice NFP, but at least God can give us a miracle if he chooses. In his mercy he will reestablish the grace that I have longed for. Tomorrow, August 1st 2008, almost ten years to the day that the hole in my heart was made, it will be repaired. Pray for the success of this operation, I know that St. Bernadette and Our Lady and all the angels will be celebrating this long and hard fought battle.

Update from Kim:

In 1971, my husband and I were married. Thinking birth control must be okay because no one had said anything against it during my high school years and I had never heard a homily addressing the issue, I made an appointment with my family doctor. I asked if I needed to be on a stronger birth control pill, since now I would be taking it for the purpose of birth control instead of acne. He prescribed the pill and off I went.

We used contraceptives for the next three years. Our lives became very selfish and self-centered, as they caused us to become very empty and lonely. We thought, “There is more to life than this.” We had a strong yearning to have a baby and thought this was the right time.

A year after stopping the pill I still couldn’t get pregnant! What was wrong! I was having physical problems from taking the pill continually for seven years. The doctor told me that the only way to solve this problem was to have a D&C.

I soon became pregnant and on July 9, 1976, we delivered what we thought was a healthy baby girl. We were so happy and she was so beautiful, but little did we know that Traci Rae was mentally handicapped. Through the years she would need special therapies and programs to help her with all her problems.

Unexpectedly, I became pregnant again and gave birth to our next daughter Trish Kathleen on May 25, 1978. We were very happy, but concerned about Traci as we had no idea what was wrong and she was just in the process of being diagnosed. We were so overwhelmed that we decided not to have any more children. Rick had a vasectomy. Again we did not know what we were doing – everyone was being sterilized and we had all these problems to deal with.

Our problems continued to worsen. I cried out to God in desperation and He answered me. All of a sudden we heard about a small village in Yugoslavia called Medugorje where the Blessed Virgin Mary had been appearing to some children since 1981. We joined a pilgrimage group and arrived in Medugorje on October 19, 1988. We returned home with such peace and joy, for Traci’s problems had started to diminish. Traci was 12 years old, and she could now live a more normal healthy life! We couldn’t thank God enough.

God continued to heal our family and showed us the many wrong paths we had traveled. A friend we had traveled to Medugorje with started sharing with me the evil of contraceptives and sterilization. Her husband had also been sterilized and they were scheduled to have it reversed. We never knew the wrong we had done in using contraceptives and being sterilized until now.

Our marriage had suffered and we began to understand why. Rick and I began to grow spiritually and started counseling to repair the injuries to our marriage. Our relationship grew and our communication deepened. We prayed together and felt led to have the vasectomy reversed. Even though we had confessed these sins and God had forgiven us, we wanted to rectify our error and be open to life if God willed to give us more children.

On July 5, 1991, Rick had the vasectomy reversed. It had been over 12 years since the vasectomy and the surgery was a success. I returned to Medugorje in April 1995, and prior to my leaving we received the most wonderful news – I was pregnant! After returning home the ultrasound showed our baby with her heart beating at 71/2 weeks. The tears streamed from our eyes. God had blessed us again!

On October 22, 1996, Rick(48) and I(43) celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary with our three beautiful daughters: Traci(20), Trish(18), and Maria Faustina(10 months) who was born December 7, 1995! Words cannot express our joy and thanksgiving to Our Lord. We have made a promise to Our Lord that in thanksgiving for all He has done for us, we would share our story in order to help other couples.

Karen and John

Karen and John had three children. After each child was born the doctors cautioned her not to have any more children, especially after the last child was born; because he almost died. Karen is a brittle diabetic and during her pregnancies her diabetes went out of control and she had toxemia. They were so afraid of having relations that they asked for direction. Unfortunately, the advice they received was to go ahead and have a vasectomy.

In 1987, John had the vasectomy. They never felt right about their decision and they knew that the main idea of married life was to be open to new life. They realized that this beautiful gift of life was taken away because of their wrong decision. Karen and John put their trust in God and decided to undo this terrible wrong.

In September of 1991, John had the vasectomy reversed and the next month Karen conceived a child. They felt God was saying that they had done the right thing. Karen had no complications during the pregnancy. The diabetes was under control and she carried the baby to 37 weeks gestation. On June 29, 1992, Hannah was born. She was a very healthy baby girl and the first baby they could take home from the hospital within four days. This was a great blessing since their first three children spent several weeks in intensive care after birth.

On November 30, 1994, Karen had a miscarriage that was a great loss and a test to their faith. But because of their faithfulness, Our Lord blessed them on July 15, 1996, with two healthy babies! Karen gave birth to twin boys named Matthew and Jacob, each weighing over five pounds.

Dennis and Deb

In 1989, Dennis had a vasectomy and a year later his wife Deb regretted their decision and wanted it reversed. Since the price was so high and the percentages given for success were not hopeful, they became discouraged.

After hearing our story of the reversal, Deb was more hopeful. Deb was the baby-sitter for Hannah (story above) who was conceived after a reversal. Her desire became stronger, but her husband was not willing to have the reversal.

Deb went on a pilgrimage to Medugorje and prayed for this intention. Deb’s roommate was also struggling with this, as her husband had also been sterilized. Their lives were very similar in many ways. A priest in Medugorje told Deb that if the opportunity ever arose they should have the vasectomy reversed.

The cost of the reversal was one of the main things holding them back. Deb was praying for the money and they were given over and above the amount needed for the reversal. After receiving the money, Dennis was still not willing to have a reversal.

Deb continued to pray and had a novena of Holy Masses offered for healing in their marriage. They also attended a Healing Mass and were prayed with together for this intention. On October 8, 1996, the 7th day of the novena of Masses, Deb was praying in the chapel before Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. She opened a daily scripture meditation booklet titled “One Bread, One Body” by Presentation Ministries. The praise read as follows: “Nine years after his vasectomy, Ralph repented, joined a small Christian community and had his vasectomy reversed.” At that time Deb cried out to the Lord, “What do you want me to do?” She went home and talked with Dennis and explained to him what had happened in the Chapel. Deb felt that God was really speaking to them. Dennis agreed to call and get the information.

Dennis had his vasectomy reversed in late January of 1997. Dennis and Deb were both very happy and excited. Their daughter Elizabeth was born June 14, 1998, followed by a son Peter on May 1, 2000, both healthy and doing fine. As of the current printing Dennis and Deb are expecting again, in October, 2002, and would appreciate your prayers. They have begun arrangements to be foster parents in their community.

If someone would ask me, “How’s your love-life?” I would say, “Beautiful, Awesome and Wonderful!” But in the past I wasn’t always able to say those words.

When we used contraceptives the first few years of our marriage, I felt an emptiness. Something was missing! I felt used! Remember when I would share with you how I couldn’t feel close to you, but I didn’t know why I felt this way!

We felt an emptiness and wanted to have children. So I stopped taking the birth control pills, but couldn’t conceive. The birth control pills had been a detriment to my physical health and the doctor told us surgery was necessary to resolve the problem they had caused.

Our two beautiful daughters were born within the next two years! We were so happy! We had so much fun and loved them dearly! But then we made the biggest mistake of our lives – you had a vasectomy. All those feelings I had in the past returned – emptiness, loss of closeness and the feeling of being used.

You have always been a wonderful husband – very loving, compassionate, kind, and generous. Why was I feeling like this?

God started to touch our lives through others. A friend we met on a pilgrimage shared with me the evil of contraceptives and sterilization. Her husband was going to have his vasectomy reversed. I never knew the wrong we had done in using contraceptives and being sterilized until then.

You were so open to what I was learning and God was revealing to us. Once we realized the wrong of contraceptives and sterilization, we wished to go to our Lord and express our sorrow for what we had done. We were so thankful the Lord had opened our eyes to the truth and so grateful we could receive the great gift of His healing love and forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

We prayed together and felt led to have the vasectomy reversed. Even though we had confessed these sins and God had forgiven us, we wanted to rectify our error and be open to life if God so willed to give us more children.

Now I know why our marriage suffered; we had severed ourselves from God and the purpose of God’s plan for marriage. He wants us to cooperate with His plan of creation by being open to life in our marriage.

What a wonderful husband you are by your acceptance and openness to this new awareness of God’s plan and your willingness to have the vasectomy reversed. That is why I can now say, “Our love-life is Wonderful, Awesome and Beautiful!” Because our marriage is just that – Love & Life – love with an openness to God’s great gift of life. With that openness, God blessed us with the most precious gift – our new beautiful daughter!

Our marriage is better than ever! We have one more soul that God has blessed us with that will spend all eternity with Him! I thank God each day for all our children and especially for you my wonderful husband, lover and best friend, and your courage to do what was pleasing to Him.

All my love,

Your loving wife

Editor’s Notes:

1) Today, children are not always seen as blessings from God. It’s reported that 80% of child-bearing-age couples are contracepting or sterilized. The great contraception and sterilization risks to women and marriage (and, ultimately to Church and society) are rarely reported. At One More Soul we try hard to find and distribute books, pamphlets, tapes and videos that help people understand the truth and wisdom of the Church’s teaching. We encourage you to call our toll free number, 1-800-307-7685, to request a free catalog of our resources and for more information.

2) Many good friends have realized the error of their sterilization and have had a reversal. Roughly, 80% have been delighted by subsequent pregnancies. Peggy Powell informed me of the pregnancy of a couple after both had reversals.

3) Peggy Powell tells John and Karen’s story and two others in “The Hurtful Consequences of Artificial Contraception and Sterilization,” from One More Soul. One More Soul has a list of NFP-only sterilization reversalists, many of whom will reduce their fees for those in need.

4) We have a Directory of over 400 NFP-Only Physicians who do not perform, prescribe, or refer for abortion, contraception, sterilization, or in-vitro fertilization. The cost is $10.00, plus Shipping. You can obtain a copy by calling 1-800-307-7685.

Steve Koob

Director, One More Soul

If you would like more information on sterilization reversals, call One More Soul 1-800-307-7685

For spiritual direction you are encouraged to call a local pastor, or Fr. Dan McCaffrey, STL, in Oklahoma City at 888-637-6383 or 405-755-9091 (home).

Almost 22 years ago we took an oath before God, family and friends to lovingly accept children. This was a commitment we looked forward to, but it was also a concern because I have diabetes.

In ten years of marriage, God blessed us with three beautiful children, but all were very complicated pregnancies with toxemia and uncontrollable blood sugars. Through it all, you were my strength – even during the cesarean births, you stood by my side.

I remember clearly how sick I was after the birth of our son John. Intense fear encompassed me with the thoughts of going through what my doctors termed another “high-risk pregnancy.” After all, I had two daughters and now a son. “Don’t press your luck” – was their disclaimer. I remember thinking maybe they were right. Even with that news, I think the most difficult decision we have ever made in our marriage was to have the vasectomy. The decision did not come easily. It was three years of agonizing thought. I felt we were growing distant from each other. I didn’t feel confident enough in NFP to rely solely on it, and feared another complicated pregnancy. My mind was consumed with thoughts of freedom from this endless worry.

After the surgery, you would think I would have felt relief, but instead the shame and guilt overpowered any other feelings. With the sneaking and conniving to have the surgery and to keep it from our children and our family, I felt no pride in what we had done.

Isn’t it ironic that for a decision that took years of consideration, it was so clearly and quickly recognized to be such a wrong one? We had committed a grave injustice to our dear God who had blessed us with our fertility, and three beautiful children, and we rewarded Him with fear and lack of trust. Our newfound freedom wasn’t so wonderful at all.

It’s hard to explain my feelings at the time. It seemed that the closeness we once shared wasn’t there. The something we once shared that was so special didn’t seem so special anymore. The hope and wonder of new life in our marriage was gone due to our decision, not God’s. I felt like I was grieving the loss of a child, a child that God might have chosen to create for us and we weren’t willing to cooperate with Him. How could I live with that decision?

Oh, how hard the devil is working. He is a master at manipulating people’s minds into thinking that sterilization is justified whether it be for health reasons, financial, or whatever the circumstances may be. But in fact, even in our situation there was no justification.

God never stopped loving us. He poured His mercy, forgiveness and all His compassion down upon us. The day you had the reversal was one of the happiest days of my life. We had a significant loan to pay back, but it was a great investment and the rewards have been far greater than could ever be imagined – three more healthy, beautiful children! Sometimes I stand back in awe at the miracle of our lives and I can’t imagine our lives without them.

Now at the age of 40, I don’t know what the future holds. Each day wakes with new challenges. I marvel at your strength, self-control and total commitment to our marriage, in sickness and in health, and me till death do we part.

I will never again underestimate God’s power, His love and infinite mercy and wisdom, for as I have learned in this long journey, His plan is always best and life is precious.

All my love,

Your loving wife

Editor’s Notes:

1) Today, children are not always seen as blessings from God. It’s reported that 80% of child-bearing-age couples are contracepting or sterilized. The great contraception and sterilization risks to women and marriage (and, ultimately to Church and society) are rarely reported. At One More Soul we try hard to find and distribute books, pamphlets, tapes and videos that help people understand the truth and wisdom of the Church’s teaching. We encourage you to call our toll free number, 1-800-307-7685, to request a free catalog of our resources and for more information.

2) Many good friends have realized the error of their sterilization and have had a reversal. Roughly, 80% have been delighted by subsequent pregnancies. Peggy Powell informed me of the pregnancy of a couple after both had reversals.

3) Peggy Powell tells John and Karen’s story and two others in “The Hurtful Consequences of Artificial Contraception and Sterilization,” from One More Soul. One More Soul has a list of NFP only sterilization reversalists, many of whom will reduce their fees for those in need.

4) We have a Directory of over 400 NFP-Only Physicians who do not perform, prescribe, or refer for abortion, contraception, sterilization, or in-vitro fertilization. The cost is $10.00, plus Shipping. You can obtain a copy by calling 1-800-307-7685.

Steve Koob

Director, One More Soul

If you would like more information on sterilization reversals, call One More Soul 1-800-307-7685

For spiritual direction you are encouraged to call a local pastor, or Fr. Dan McCaffrey, STL, in Oklahoma City at 888-637-6383 or 405-755-9091 (home).