Setting Things Straight
About a year ago I found the web site of One More Soul through a reference in the book entitled, Good News about Sex & Marriage, by Christopher West. Obtaining that book was just one part of the long journey I had been on as I experienced the transforming power of God in the reproductive area of my life. In 1998 I underwent a vasectomy after the birth of our second child. Blessed with one of each we felt that we might be wise to quit while we were ahead. Both of our children were healthy and beautiful. All of the teaching I had received to that point was favorable regarding a vasectomy; it was normal.
Even two years after the vasectomy I had not yet given any consideration to the possibility that it might have been a mistake. At that time I was still firmly of the mind that we were on the road to emotional and financial stability due to this decision to plan our parenthood. But shortly after the vasectomy we met a Catholic family through a mutual acquaintance whom I had been dialoguing with about Catholicism. Our families were somewhat of a contrast; his large family size was atypical even for Catholics. But we had other common interests and despite this difference, plus our not being Catholic, we still managed to forge a friendship. What was hard to ignore was the sheer beauty of this family.
As my children grew, I became acutely aware that their mere existence as a pair was likely a weak link in their emotional development. What I had intended to be the most beneficial for my children was appearing to be the least beneficial. It absolutely caused me to grieve in ways I had not previously known. Compounding this was the brutal reality that the clock was ticking. Not in a biological sense – my wife is six years my junior and had plenty of fertility left in her – but in the sense that every day that went by grew a greater chasm between these two and the souls that might ultimately become their younger siblings.
Over the years we visited with the Catholic family from time to time. I was reminded of the miracle that can happen with the complexities of a large family when God is in control. Just one of only two or three committed Catholic families that I knew; these people were astonishing and quite a witness to my wife and me. She could see the value in their approach. God must have been working on both of us, because despite all of her complaints about our getting the vasectomy in the first place (due to my later misgivings) she was becoming less vocal in her opposition to a reversal.
This week I underwent a vasectomy reversal, and I am recuperating while finishing this story. Even if we do not have any more children, my heart is at peace because I have returned to God that which is His. It was a long and arduous decision that required serious reconsideration of my commitment to my life and our marriage.
I find it ironic that our becoming Catholic and getting a reversal have largely coincided; in just a few weeks my wife and I will begin the RCIA program. My children are now attending religious education. While I would not say that Catholic teaching was the sole reason for my interest in the Church, it was not without merit either. With all of the scandal in the Church today, and the tremendous attraction of high powered evangelical churches nearby, it is a testimony to God of his transforming us to desire reconciliation to the Church that Christ established.
