Changed Hearts
Our Lord patiently waits for us…He yearns for our trust in Him. I once heard that God does indeed have a weakness His weakness is our trust! If we trust in Him completely, He can’t help but grant us our desires. I was floored by the thought, but knew it to be true.
I am a life-long Catholic. My family went to mass on Sundays and holidays. I sincerely loved the Lord and spoke to Him often. Somewhere along the way, I got lost. By the time I got to college, I was staunchly pro-choice and not heading in the right direction. I felt that the Church was too “old-fashioned” and needed to catch up with the times. I really believed that God knew that too.
Shortly after college, I married my husband, the love of my life. I couldn’t wait to have children and start a family. We had our first child right away. We were thrilled. Three more children followed. All my prayers were being answered. I was happy and content. After the birth of our fourth child, my husband had a vasectomy. He agreed to it because I asked him. I knew I couldn’t have my tubes “tied”. I didn’t know why at the time, but the thought of doing that to my body didn’t sit well with me. I thought everything was settled we had four beautiful children, and now we could enjoy them and each other…we would live happily ever after.
The way the Lord works in us is truly amazing. Just several months after sending my poor husband to be mutilated, I joined a women’s group. I mistakenly thought it was a coffee-klatch and that the woman putting it together was going to give us tips on child rearing. While at the first meeting, I was surprised to find out it was a group which would be studying Pope John Paul II’s encyclical, Familiaris Consortio. Inside, I groaned, “I don’t want to read that!” But the Holy Spirit had different plans for me. I stayed.
Reading the encyclical was difficult but awesome. I learned why the Church stands firm on tough issues like contraception and abortion. I learned about authentic femininity and marriage. I also learned about sterilization. I was being exposed to the truth. Now what?! My husband had already had the vasectomy and I was panic-stricken and miserable.
I began to pray. Someone had mentioned sterilization reversal to my husband, but he wasn’t sure he could or would consider doing it. Secretly, I was elated. I ordered the Sterilization Reversal book from One More Soul. I was on a mission to convince him to do it too. I knew that the Church didn’t require the reversal to set things right, but I felt we were being called to it. I also yearned for more children, as did he. However, I was still under the mistaken assumption that I could be in charge. It wasn’t covered by our medical insurance, but we found a doctor through the One More Soul website, about 300 miles away, who would do the surgery for a reduced rate. Everything was working out, except that my husband still wasn’t sure he would do it. Finally, after about one year, he agreed. The surgery was very painful and took a long time. We were told that the procedure is about 80% effective and not to expect to get pregnant for at least 6 months. Imagine our surprise when we found out that I was pregnant the very next month!!
Waiting for my husband’s heart to be open to the Holy Spirit was difficult for us both. I wasn’t always patient or humble. I kept alternating between giving it to the Lord and then wrestling it back from Him. But when I did finally surrender- WOW!!! The Lord took my despair and gave me hope. The joy I felt upon hearing my husband agree to the surgery is indescribable.
The news of our pregnancy shocked many of those who knew about the vasectomy. Many in our families think we’re “crazy”. So many of my friends and family thought I was “lucky” when my husband had himself sterilized. They can’t understand why we needed to have it reversed. It’s not easy to explain the power of the Holy Spirit. There are no words powerful enough to convey how awesome the Lord is. I am eternally grateful to God and I pray for the grace to continue to say “yes” to the Lord wherever He may lead me.
