We travel the entire United States of America proclaiming the Gospel of Life as it pertains to God’s plan for spousal love. This plan calls for a total gift of self to one’s spouse and the acceptance of the spouse’s total gift of self in return. Contraception (the choice to make one or more acts of sexual union infertile) makes such an unconditional gift impossible. Natural Family Planning (NFP) fosters and supports this gift.

Everywhere we go we find married couples asking, “Why won’t our priests address the issue of contraception and sterilization from the pulpit?” Having heard these frustrated questions many times, we think it is time to list the top eight excuses given by priests and our answers to them.

Common objections to promoting the Church’s teachings on contraception and married sexuality:

1) “Talking about contraception and sterilization would scandalize the children in the congregation, so I can’t deal with them at the pulpit.”

But Jesus didn’t have such reservations. When he was addressing large crowds he talked about sexual sins. Recall the Sermon on the Mount (Mt 5:27). Children are not offended by a teaching on God’s plan for spousal love. Rather, they are the victims of silence at the pulpit. People get hurt when there is confusion about right and wrong, and there is a great confusion today about the moral evil of contraception and sterilization. Young children do not understand the language we use when discussing capital punishment, euthanasia, or experimentation on human embryos. They take from a homily what they need. If they have questions, they can ask their parents for an explanation suited to their level of comprehension.

Refusing to address major moral issues at the pulpit, in effect, makes infants of the entire congregation, who often do not know that contraception and sterilization are wrong, and do not understand why they are wrong. As a result, we have many adults who are seriously immature in the development of their consciences.

2) “It’s okay to talk about these matters in RCIA and marriage preparation classes, and to provide pamphlets on these issues in the vestibule, but not at the pulpit.”

This approach misses the point. “These times call for people who will look the truth in the eye and call things by their proper names, without yielding to convenient compromise or to the temptation of self-deception” (Evangelium Vitae 57). Important issues cannot be censored from the pulpit. If a message does not happen at the pulpit, it doesn’t happen. There is great ignorance among Catholics about the morality of contraception and sterilization. Very few understand why these choices and acts are immoral. Many people think that if a topic is not treated at the pulpit, where it is heard by all, then it is not important and can be ignored. RCIA classes, marriage prep classes, and the pamphlet rack are good ways to supplement teaching from the pulpit, but they can never replace it. Teachers of these classes may not have been motivated to address contentious issues; encouragement by the pastor from the pulpit will empower them.

3) “These issues are contentious. They will produce strife and discord.”

It may seem attractive to avoid contentious issues when preaching, but this means that the priest, as a moral guide, cannot provide moral guidance where it is most needed. If people already understand an issue, like slavery for example, and do not dispute it, then there is no need to address it from the pulpit. However, if many people are violating the 5^th and 6^th Commandments, but do not know it, and can’t understand why these acts are sinful, then we priests must address these issues. Not to address them is reprehensible negligence on our part. We must inform conscience by proposing moral truth. The approach we use is that of Jesus: we speak the truth in charity, and with conviction and forthrightness. If we allow the Gospel to be silenced because we refuse to accept criticism from those who reject Gospel values, then we fail in our priesthood. It is not our Gospel. We are not at liberty to decide what parts of the Gospel are too hard to accept and can be ignored. Contraception and sterilization are serious matters, and they are causing much harm to our marriages, our families and our young people. Here we need to learn from Jesus, who came not just to establish peace, but sometimes also division. (Lk. 12:51)

4) “Collections will go down.”

The guiding principle must be that we do not surrender the pulpit to the dollar sign. “May your money perish with you…” (Acts 8:20) The collection could go down temporarily. But beyond that, we members of the clergy must anticipate the criteria our Lord will use to evaluate our pastoral care of the flock entrusted to our care. The main criterion will not be “Did you get all the bills paid and have a smooth running operation?” Rather, it will be, “Did you guide my people into a knowledge of my ways, my plan for creation and salvation, my Gospel, and into a love for the splendor of the truth?” Paying bills is not high on the list of pastoral success criteria. The qualities of a priest are not those of a CEO. Bringing people to the person, heart, and mind of the Lord is what is essential. God does not demand success from us in terms of our people’s response to good moral teaching. He does demand that we faithfully propose and teach the values that comport well with our dignity as bodied persons. God’s plan for human sexuality, marriage, and family is an essential part of the Gospel of Life in these times.

Priests who have consistently preached and taught the values of Humanae Vitae, Familiaris Consortio and Evangelium Vitae will tell you that their collections have not collapsed. Instead, the parish has learned the meaning of a spirit of generosity, and that is reflected in parish contributions as well as volunteer service to various parish organizations. Couples who practice NFP are very often the most generous donors and volunteers in the parish. Couples open to life are also open to giving their children to the priesthood and religious life. If they are caught up in the selfish contraceptive culture, then they will likely not be generous with God by encouraging their sons and daughters to be responsive to God’s call.

5) “People will go to another church because they don’t want to hear this.”

Sad to say, not every parish is on the same page when dealing with matters of sexuality, marriage and the family. Some parishes simply embrace only whatever is comfortable or politically correct. They allow dissenting elements within the parish to determine what parts of the Gospel can be proclaimed there. This, in turn, means that forces within the secular society exert an influence over some parishioners, who bring that to bear upon the entire parish. Instead of being counter-cultural, such a parish becomes a mere reflection of the secular culture that has such a corrosive effect on faith and family life.

But this is the land of the free and the home of the brave. What is there to prevent a clergyman from proclaiming God’s beautiful plan for human love, life, marriage and family? We are not to worry about those who may reject the truth and leave. Our Lord did not change his teaching about the Eucharist when many in His audience found this a hard saying and walked away. He respected their freedom and let them walk. But they also had to respect His freedom and His responsibility to proclaim the message the Father gave Him, which is for the life of the world. If all the clergy were clearly teaching good moral principles, then our people would not go shopping for the preacher who suits their ears.

6) “When the bishop talks about it, I’ll begin to talk about it.”

One can understand why a priest or deacon would hesitate to take the initiative in teaching values that have been largely ignored since 1968. We have a right to expect our spiritual fathers, the bishops, to lead by their example in addressing these serious matters. This is their duty as moral guides and spiritual leaders of dioceses. They are to be the good shepherds for their dioceses. But what happens if they do not speak out? Is the pastor justified in keeping silent? When we priests die, the Lord will not ask you, “What did the bishop do?” He will ask, “What did you do? You are the pastor of your people.”

Our priesthood ultimately comes from the Lord. Our obligations are to the Lord. God holds us accountable for what we do, for our choices and actions, and for taking responsibility for ourselves and our people. True leadership means that we address the real needs of our times, regardless of what others are doing or not doing.

Reprehensible negligence does not justify additional reprehensible negligence. Perhaps what needs to be done in a diocese where the bishop chooses not to address these issues is to have a group of the clergy give him their assurance that they will support his giving a public teaching. Perhaps the bishop is concerned that if he takes any initiative in these matters, then his clergy will publicly refuse to comply, as happened when Humanae Vitae was first promulgated. Everyone admires leadership, but where and when will leadership arise? We think that the good Lord expects all of us to be spiritual and moral leaders.

7) “I’m not prepared to speak about these issues because I wasn’t trained in the seminary for this.”

We find that many clergy are woefully unprepared to address these issues. They have not kept up with their reading and personal ongoing formation in the areas of human sexuality, chastity, and marriage. But this is not an acceptable excuse. What other profession would be excused from professional ongoing formation—keeping abreast of contemporary developments in their profession? If medical doctors did not keep themselves updated, they would lose their license to practice medicine. Should it be any different for the clergy?

There are excellent materials available today to help us understand the beauty of God’s plan for human love, and especially marital love. There are great resources for explaining Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body; there is Christian Personalism (e.g., Love and Responsibility and The Acting Person). There are the writings of reliable moral theologians. There are the writings, CDs, and videotapes of Prof. Janet Smith. There are the testimonies of thousands of married couples who have discovered the blessings that these values have brought into their marriages and families. Two readily available sources for materials on Natural Family Planning and the harms of contraception and sterilization are One More Soul (www.onemoresoul.com) and the Couple to Couple League International (www.ccli.org). CCL provides three-day clergy conferences twice a year in Covington, Kentucky. NFP Outreach (www.nfpoutreach.org) helps design and conduct clergy conferences for entire dioceses on the topic of “How to Present the Values of NFP from the Pulpit.” There are many good Catholic doctors who are willing to bring their expertise to these conferences. And there are hundreds of married couples who are willing to testify about the benefits NFP has brought to their marriages. One More Soul keeps a Directory of NFP-Only Physicians and NFP Teachers in nearly every part of the country who can serve in this way (see www.onemoresoul.com/nfp-directory).

Ignorance has never been a good excuse for justifying neglect. And it will not wash today in areas that are so vital to good marriages and happy families.

8) “The recent clergy sex scandals make it impossible for me to talk about sex today. I have no credibility.”

Discrediting Catholicism, and especially our clergy, is very much the intent of some forces in the secular society, which want to muzzle the pulpits on matters of sexual morality. They don’t want us to teach about God’s plan for human sexuality. But there is no such thing as a moral vacuum. If good morality is not being taught, then other varieties of sexual ideology will be taught. We see it today in the push for acceptance of same-sex marriages, in safe sex for our young people, and in trivializing committed relationships.

The clergy sex scandals call for greater (not less) emphasis on sexual morality. If there had been greater clarity on these matters from the pulpit in the past, then everyone would know the standards (which apply to everyone), and we would have been spared much grief. Our young people would not have been victimized; dioceses would not be in danger of bankruptcy; respect for the clergy would not be at an all-time low; and bishops would not be faulted for their lack of oversight. Scandals erupt when there is no clarity of moral teaching coming from the pulpit. Our times call for more moral teaching from the pulpit, not less.

Both the clergy and the laity have to clean up their act. The abuse of young people by 4% of the clergy (see www.catholicnews.com/data/abuse/abuse04.htm) is indeed a great scandal. The abuse of sexuality by the 80% of Catholic couples who are using birth control or are sterilized is also a great scandal. Before one group can throw stones at the other, they must first clean up their act. God is chastising his people because of violations against His sexual code. He chastises the clergy by not providing vocations to religious life and the priesthood. He chastises the laity by weak marriages, a 40%+ divorce rate, lots of unhappiness, and children who bear the brunt of their parent’s selfishness. So, both the clergy and the laity need to hold each other accountable. We are not beating up on each other; rather, we are helping one another follow God’s life-giving way.

The responsibility of clergy and religious is to hand on the deposit of the Faith as preached by the Apostles, which includes teaching moral truths. We must explain why God’s plan is so good for us and so deserving of our efforts to comply with it. The responsibility of the laity is to integrate good moral principles into their lives and actions. Then they are to take these values out into the broader society and help shape the culture with these Gospel values as part of the new evangelization.

In Conclusion

Perhaps it could be said that contraception also applies to us priests today. We speak about the love-giving dimensions of the Gospel, but not its life-giving dimensions. We know, however, that love without life is sterile. And we know that real love is demonstrated by our willingness to be totally “for” our people, which may involve suffering occasional rejection and criticism. The Gospel is one of life, as well as of love. Because He loves us, Jesus was willing to lay down his life for us so that we could have life to the full. Are not we priests, then, to foster life and greater life among our people, in an age which is characterized as a culture of death? We should not be contracepting the Gospel of its life-giving dimension.

We priests may think it will be difficult for our people to give up contraception and adopt pure spousal love. But will it not also be difficult for us to give up our contraceptive approach to the Gospel? With God’s grace, and with an openness to conversion, all of this is possible.

It has been said that the greatest lies are told in silence. There are no reasons today that can justify continued silence at the pulpit about matters of sexual morality, especially in the areas of contraception and sterilization. Begin your search for good reading and reflection materials. Integrate these values into your own spirituality, and then you will develop your own way to articulate them in your preaching, teaching, and counseling.

Addendum

What follows is a set of questions and answers that Archbishop Charles Chaput published in his diocesan newspaper after he issued his pastoral letter Of Human Life in 1998. They provide some excellent material for reflection, and you might even consider using some of Archbishop Chaput’s quotes from the pulpit.

1. Isn’t a couple’s method of family planning a matter of personal conscience?

Yes it is. Catholics, like all people, are always obligated to follow their consciences—on birth control and every other matter. But that’s not where the problem lies. The problem lies in the formation of one’s conscience. A conscientious person seeks to do good and avoid evil. Seeing the difference between good and evil, though, can sometimes be difficult. As Pope John Paul II has said, the basic moral law is written in the human heart because we’re created in the image and likeness of God. But we bear the wounds of original sin, which garbles the message and dims our ability to judge and act according to truth.

Truth is objective. In other words, it’s real, is independent of us, and exists whether we like it or not. Therefore, conscience can’t invent right and wrong. Rather, conscience is called to discover the truth of right and wrong, and then to submit personal judgments to the truth once it is found. Church teaching on the regulation of births, like all her moral teachings, is a sure guide for forming our consciences according to the truth. For we have the certainty of faith, as Vatican II reminds us, that the teachings of the Church on matters of faith and morals are “not the mere word of men, but truly the word of God.” (Lumen Gentium n. 12)

Too often, we use “conscience” as a synonym for private preference, a kind of pious alibi for doing what we want or taking the easy road. We only end up hurting others and ourselves.

2. I still don’t see the big difference between a couple using “artificial” birth control and a couple using “natural” family planning. Don’t both couples have the same intention, and isn’t this what determines morality?

It’s hard to see the difference when the emphasis is placed on “artificial” versus “natural” methods. People rightly point out that many things we use are artificial but not immoral. So it’s important to realize that the Church doesn’t oppose artificial birth control because it’s artificial. Rather, what the Church opposes is any method of birth control which is contraceptive, whether artificial devices, pills, etc., are used or not.

Contraception is the choice, by any means, to sterilize a given act of intercourse. In other words, a contracepting couple chooses to engage in intercourse and, knowing that it may result in a new life, they intentionally and willfully suppress their fertility. Herein lies a key distinction: Natural family planning (NFP) is in no way contraceptive. The choice to abstain from a fertile act of intercourse is completely different from the willful choice to sterilize a fertile act of intercourse. NFP simply accepts from God’s hand the natural cycle of infertility that He has built into the nature of woman.

Regarding the issue of intention: Yes, both couples may have the same end in mind—to avoid pregnancy. But the means to achieve their common goal are not at all alike. Take, for example, two students, each of whom intends to excel in school. Obviously that’s a very good intention. With the same goal in mind, one studies diligently. The other cheats on every test. The point is, the end doesn’t justify the means—in getting an education, in regulating births, or in anything else.

3. I’m a priest. If I preach about what’s wrong with contraception, I’ll lose people.

Let me turn that around: If priests don’t preach the Church’s message about contraception, heaven loses people. Don’t be afraid. When Jesus preached the truth, He lost people. But, little by little, He gained even more people. Take courage in the Lord. It shouldn’t surprise us that people find this teaching hard to accept. Every Gospel-based life has things which are hard to accept. Should we stop teaching the truth because it’s difficult? Of course not. We have the joy and the responsibility before God to preach the truth lovingly in season and out of season.

The Church won’t be renewed without a renewal of family life. And the family can’t be renewed without a return to the truths taught in Humanae Vitae. Ignoring this issue can’t be an option: In the long run, its cost is too high. Therefore, we should make every effort to better understand the importance of Church teaching in this regard, and witness to it boldly and with confidence.

4. In your pastoral letter, you said that the most intimate, powerful part of each person is his or her fertility. My husband and I are unable to have children. What does this mean for us?

Many couples bear a great cross because, despite their openness to life, they’re unable to have children. But marital love is always life-giving when spouses give themselves honestly to each other, even if a child isn’t conceived. Only when husband and wife intentionally withhold their fertility, or abuse their sexuality in some other way, can we speak of a “life-less” act of intercourse.

Spouses’ self-giving in one flesh remains the most intimate, powerful and life-giving expression of their love for one another, even when nature, or some problem of nature, prevents new life from being conceived. Medical technology can sometimes correct a physical problem, allowing a child to be conceived by the loving embrace of parents. This is a proper and wonderful use of technology. However, couples should remember that, as creatures themselves, they’re not the arbiters of human life. Ultimately, no one is free to manipulate the conception of a human person. No matter how sincere a couple’s intentions, many of today’s new procreative techniques treat human life as a product that can be manufactured—and in doing so, they violate human dignity. Again, the end never justifies the means.

Children aren’t the only way a marriage can be fruitful. If God, in His design, closes one option for a couple, He will open another. Their love can find expression in adoption, foster-parenting, or dozens of forms of apostolic work. This kind of counsel, of course, is much easier to give than to willingly accept. I would never want to understate the real pain and loss felt by infertile couples. But I know, both from faith and from my friendships with married couples over the years, that if a husband and wife choose to trust God, their love will always be rewarded with fertility and new life—if not in the form of a child, then in the way they impact the world around them.

5. Why is the Church so obsessed with sex?

You know the old saying about the pot calling the kettle black—well, here’s a great example. Questions like this one may very well be honest, but they conceal where the real obsessions lie. American society is drowning in a sea of disordered sexuality. In such circumstances, it’s hardly an “obsession” for the Church to speak clearly and forcefully about how to swim. It’s her responsibility and mission.

God created our sexuality to be a sign in the world of His own life and love, and to reveal to us that we can only fulfill ourselves by loving as He loves. When sexuality becomes distorted, however, it’s no longer able to communicate God’s life and love. Empty of true love, life lacks meaning, and people soon seem disposable. Sex becomes a pursuit of selfish gratification at the expense of others. Children are no longer welcomed as the natural fruit of married love, but are seen as a burden to be avoided. We don’t even shrink from killing (through abortion) thousands of innocent preborn lives a day in satisfying our convenience and appetites.

It’s no exaggeration, then, to say that disordered sexuality is the beginning of what Pope John Paul II calls “the culture of death.” In fact, we’ll never build a culture of life and love without first restoring the true meaning of human sexuality. If the Church is so concerned about sex, it’s because she seeks to defend the dignity of the human person and to safeguard the true meaning of life and love, which sexuality is meant to reveal.

6. How can I preach against contraception and praise the virtues of NFP? As a priest, I’m not married.

First, the truth is the truth, no matter who speaks it. Second, preaching isn’t about the preacher; it’s about the message. Third, in his promise of celibacy, a priest doesn’t forget or deny his sexuality. Instead, he dedicates it to a different—but equally fertile—kind of fruitfulness. In other words, priestly celibacy is an affirmation, not a rejection; a strength, not a weakness. It’s a “yes” to God, which enables us to understand and serve our people better.

Remember that marriage, religious life, the single vocation, and the priesthood are all designed to fit together and complement each other in the life of the Church. Each needs the other. Each, in its own proper way, fulfills the fundamental human vocation to give ourselves away in love. I think we priests often underestimate how effective our pastoral counsel can be on issues like contraception. People want and need the truth, and over time, the human heart naturally responds to it. But our people can’t respond if they don’t hear the message of Humanae Vitae faithfully and persuasively from their pastors. That’s our job, and we should embrace it joyfully.

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A talk presented to priests of the Archdiocese of St. Louis January 5, 2006

My name is Patty Schneier, and for the past two years I have been speaking at Catholic conferences across the United States to many teenagers and married couples. But speak to a group of priests? I have only done that one time in my life. I was nervous then, and Im nervous now, because I lay awake at night thinking to myself, Who am I, that I should come before you and offer any words of encouragement that would inspire you, the holy priests of our archdiocese, whom I love and respect more than words could ever say? I am not worthy to be here. But, I told God two years ago that I would go wherever He wants me to go, say whatever He wants me to sayto whomever, whenever, and wherever He chooses. He continues to open new doors, to shove me out of my comfortable boat, and I find myself out on the water again and again and again. . . And so, here I am to speak to you today about reaching the Cafeteria Catholic. I am a local housewife and stay-at-home-mom from North St. Louis County. I spend my days driving my three children to baseball practice, soccer practice, basketball practice, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, dancing lessons, piano lessons, allergy shots, and orthodontist appointments. We are a busy family, on the go and on the run. So, why is an ordinary housewife speaking to you today? Because to some extent, I represent many of the typical families sitting in your pews Sunday after Sunday, and I hope to give you some insight into the hearts and minds of many of your parishioners.Before we get started, I want to give you a brief summary of my storyjust as some background information. I was born and raised in a strong Catholic family, and as far back as I can remember, my faith has been very important to me. When I was 15 years old, I started singing at weddings and funerals, and for the past eleven years, I have sung every Sunday at the 7:00 AM by all outward appearances, we were a good Catholic family. Mass at St. Ferdinand Parish. I am a cantor. As an adultwhen Larry and I got marriedthis church-going lifestyle continued, and our entire family has been extremely involved at St. Ferdinand Parish for many years. We patted ourselves on the back and considered ourselves to be a good Catholic family. And by all outward appearances, we were a good Catholic family. But what did that mean? Well, we liked the title. It was a myth, but we liked the title. For us, it meant that we went to church every Sunday. It meant that we received the sacraments faithfully and regularly. It meant that we prayed together as a family. It meant that we gave our time, talent, and treasure to the Church, and it meant that we tried to pass this on to our children as well. Our Secret Cafeteria Catholicism But in secret, we did not agree with all of the teachings of the Catholic Church. Specifically, we ignored the teachings on sex and marriage. We ignored the Churchs teachings on contraception, and we had used the Pill and condoms on and off in our marriage for 13 years. We were Cafeteria Catholics wholike going through the cafeteria linepersonally selected and chose which items we wanted and which items we didnt. We were part of that vast majority of modern married Catholics who think its OK to ignore the Churchs teachings on sex and marriage. According to the National Survey of Family Growth, which is a study conducted by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Contraceptive use in the United States is virtually universal among women of reproductive age. Ninety-eight percent of all women who had ever had intercourse had used at least one contraceptive method. Previous studies indicate that those claiming to be Catholic contracept at the same rate as the general population. This statistic is mind-boggling. And if its trueeven if its close to being truethen the vast majority of your parishioners of procreative age, sitting in your pews Sunday after Sunday, are using some form of contraception. Theyve used the pill, condoms, the patch, etc., or theyve been sterilized surgically by vasectomy or tubal ligationand think they did nothing wrong. My arguments could be summarized as follows: 1. The Church is way off base here. Its OK for the Church to be pro-life and against abortion, but it should at least embrace the means of preventing all those unwanted pregnancies in the first place! 2. The Church is unrealistic in placing this huge burden on its families. If indeed almost everyone uses some form of contraception, then the Church should just change its teachings and get with the times! 3. (Im embarrassed to admit this, but this is how I felt.) The Church should just butt out! Butt out on this one! This is between me, my husband, and God. The Church has no right to stick its nose into such a private, personal decision. And theres no way that some celibate old man in Rome along with his priests and bishops are going to tell me what I can and cannot do in my marriage, because theyre not married! They have no idea what its like to be married and raise kids in modern America! My arguments were very typical and could be summed up by the mentality, My arguments were very typical …dont impose your morality on me!” Dont impose your morality on me! From there, its just a short step to, Dont impose your morality on my brother, sister, or best friend, whom I love very much. Dont impose your morality on any of my friends or relatives, who are good people! Very easily, it becomes, Dont impose your morality on anyone. If people choose to live together before marriage, well thats a private, personal decision, too. So is all premarital sex, so are homosexual acts, so is abortion. Every moral issue soon falls under the category of a private, personal decision. The list gets bigger. The dissent grows, and it festers. And soonas happened in my own lifethe last authority that I wanted to listen to on issues of sexuality, marriage, and morality was the Church. Conversion Now, its a long story, When I learned of a love that was free, faithful, total, and fruitfulthe real meaning of loveI wanted it. and you can hear it on the CD Prove It, God!. . . And He Did, but in January 2002, I began an intense spiritual journey. We had a parish mission given by the Sisters of the Apostles of the Interior Life, and I was inspired after going to this mission to search for some holiness in my life. I began a morning prayer time in which I read the daily readings of the Church and began to journal as well. This all began innocently enough. But soon it became increasingly difficult and painful as I began to wrestle with this whole issue of contraception in marriage. Thankfully, I was led to the book: Good News about Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions about Catholic Teaching by Christopher West. This book explained why the Church says what it says, in words that pierced my heart. From there, I was introduced to Pope John Paul IIs Theology of the Body. And when I learned of a love that was free, faithful, total, and fruitfulthe real meaning of loveI wanted it. I wanted that kind of marriage, and for the first time in my life I saw the beauty of the Churchs teachings. Larry and I received the sacrament of reconciliation, we threw out the contraception, and we have never looked back. It was the best decision we ever made.Thats the story of Prove It, God!. . . And He Did, and thats the story that I now share at Catholic Conferences all across the United States, ministering to hundreds and thousands of married couples who also struggle with this issue. But Im here to explain that this story of conversion was just the tip of the iceberg. The issues of sex, marriage, and contraception had become a wall of dissent. Once that wall fellonce I finally saw Truth in this one areait opened the doors to a totally new spiritual life as well. The ripple effect of this one decision in my life has been tremendous! I can only sum it up in the words of Pope John Paul II: Open wide the doors to Christ!The first and most immediate effect was in our marriage. I never dreamed there could be so much joy and unity in my marriage. Our entire family life has changed; the way we parent our children has changed; and the whole idea of chastitynot just for teenagers, but in marriagehas become the focus of an entire new ministry for me. The second major effect, however, is perhaps even more profound and has greater implications: Once the issue of sex and marriage was resolved, and that wall of dissent came crumbling down, I began to see the Church in a whole new way. For the past three years, I have been discovering the richness and beauty of the Church in ALL of her teachings, traditions, and devotions. I have simply fallen in love with Jesus Christ and His Church. For example: daily Eucharistic Adoration, daily Mass, the Rosary, the lives of the saints, the Bible, and Catholic books. None of these had been part of my daily lifenone of them. St. Ferdinand has had perpetual Eucharistic Adoration 7 days a week, 365 days a year, for almost 25 years, and I had never set foot in our Eucharistic Adoration Chapel. I thought only retired people attended daily Mass. I did not know that there were mysteries to the Rosary, and I did not know how to say the Rosary or lead the Rosary. I had never read a Catholic book or cared to read about the lives of the saints; now its like discovering my long lost relatives! How Did I Miss All of This? The list could go on and on, and I keep asking myself, How did I miss all of this? How did I even consider myself to be a Catholic? The joy of this journey, of coming home to the Catholic Church and coming into full communion with the Church, has been the greatest joy and discovery of my life. But it has also led me to a much deeper reflection on my past, in addition to NOT seeking the Truth regarding our sexuality,we were never presented with it and why, why, why did I choose to stay on the other side of that wall of dissent for so long? Why did I choose to listen to the worlds safe-sex mes sage for so long instead of the Church? The blame lies entirely in my own heartENTIRELY in my own heart.I was not going to listen to the Church. I couldnt see the Churchs viewpoint easily, and therefore I rejected it. I didnt bother to search for the answers to my questions or to seek out the Truth of the Church. I didnt care to look. It was much easier and much more comfortable for me to say that I was following my own conscience and let it go at that. And my conscience told me that I wasnt doing anything wrong.But Im here to explain, that in addition to NOT seeking the Truth regarding our sexuality, we were never presented with it either. After finishing Christopher Wests book, Good News About Sex and Marriage, Larry and I were both filled with shame, regret, and guiltfor having settled for a counterfeit for 13 years. We knew it was our own sin and our own stubbornness that had caused us to reject the Churchs teachings. But we were also left with one remaining question, and we both felt the exact same thing: Why havent we heard this before? Why were we shocked beyond our wildest dreams that the Church really did have some Good News about sex and marriage? In this book, Sterilization Reversal, a Generous Act of Love, 20 Catholic couples share their story, and its the same scenario: We did not know sterilization was wrong. Our pastor told us to follow our own conscience. We thought we were doing the best thing for our marriage. We didnt know. WE DID NOT KNOW. I represent the generation born after Vatican II that has experienced a lack of catechesis…. We are starvingfor truth! And from my own experience, from the past two years of traveling across the United States and speaking at Catholic Conferences, Im hearing the same thing. Sometimes there will be a line for three hours after I speak, and one woman after the next with tears in her eyes will come up and share her story. I represent the generation born after Vatican II that has experienced a lack of catechesis. We are the glitch. We are the bubble. We made a lot of banners, we sang Kum Ba Ya, and we felt filled with the Holy Spirit, but we lack a part of the foundation and we are starving for Truth. We are starving for truth! Obviously, there are no easy quick-fixes here, but I do want to recommend three specific areas where we need your helpFROM THE PULPIT! You have the opportunity to help us find healing of our bodies and wholeness in our marriages by presenting the beautiful teachings of the Church. You have the opportunity to break down the walls of dissent which divide the Body of Christ. You can help bring the Cafeteria Catholic back to full communion with the Church. The real issue here is unityunity in marriage and unity within the Church. Contraception has destroyed both, and its going to take both the laity and the clergy working together in order to restore that authentic unity. No doubt, the powerful testimony of married couples is extremely effective in this area. But do not underestimate the power of your witness as well. We need you! And so today I want to invite you to preachand to preach oftenon three specific topics: #1 Love and Respect for the Teaching Authority of the Church #2 The Virtue of Obedience #3 The Theology of the Body Love and Respect for the Church Love for the Church? We dont have it. Respect for the Church? We dont have that either. If you would ask us about loving and respecting the teaching authority of the Church, we would probably say, NO WAY! True story: I will never forget one homily given by the pastor of St. Ferdinand Parish, Fr. Gary Gebelein. (This happened years ago.) In this homily, he quoted St. Augustine who said, You possess the Holy Spirit to the extent that you love the Church. And I sat there and thought, Love the Church? Love the Church? I dont love the Church. I loved a lot of things about the Church. I loved going to church; I loved the Mass; I loved the Eucharist; I loved leading the congregation in song; I loved our pastor; I loved our school; I loved parish picnic; I loved so many things ABOUT the Church! But I sat there and thought, I dont think I really love THE Church. But,I dont have to love the Church. I have to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and I have to love my neighbor as myself. But I dont have to How can you help in this area? Challenge usinvite usto love the Church. love the Church in order to be filled with the Holy Spirit, do I? I wrestled with that statement, and it took me years to understand it. But a seed had been plantedthe simple seed of loving the Churchand I never forgot that homily.In hindsight now, I ask myself, Why, why, WHY didnt I love the Church? I was born and raised Catholic and so active in the Church. Why didnt I love the Church? Because I did not understand or appreciate the Churchs teaching authority. I did not understand that this came from Jesus himselfthat He set up his Church this way! For me, Church authority was remote, impersonal, and burdensome. It was of men, not God. Two Scripture passages were crucial in breaking down this false interpretation. The first is 1 Jn 5:3, This is love for God, to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.I wrote in my journal, His commands are not burdensome? His commands are not burdensome? No way. Give me a break. I could immediately think of an area that proved that Scripture to be falsenamely, the Catholic Churchs teachings on sex and marriage! To follow the Churchs teachings was not only a burden, but a HUGE burden. I also wrote, Do I consider the teachings of the Catholic Church to be Gods commands? And then do I love God by obeying these commands? Or, are these just a bunch of man-made laws that I can ignore and still be a good Catholic? That Scripture passage got to the heart of my dissent. I could deny the authority of men in an instant. But I did not want to deny or disobey God.Another Scripture that helped me understand Church authority was in Chapter 10 of Luke. When Jesus sends out the 72, he gives them the authority to teach and preach and heal in His name. Then He says these words, Whoever hears you, hears me. Whoever rejects you, rejects me. I wrestled, and I wrestled with that statement, because I knew that I professed every Sunday to believe in one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. I believed that Jesus gave His mission to the apostles and that it was passed on to the present Church today. So then it hit me, that when I listen to the voice of the Church, I am listening to Jesus Himself. When I ignore the teachings of the Church, I am ignoring Jesus Himself, and when I outright reject the teachings of the Church, I am rejecting Jesus Himself. Reflecting on this truth was a huge step along my journey and was crucial in breaking down my dissent.How can you help in this area? Challenge usinvite usto love the Church. Come right out and ask, Do you love the Church? And then challenge us further: Do you love the Churchs teachings? Do you love the Churchs teachings on sex and marriage? Teach us why the Church even has this teaching authority in the first place. Show us the link to Jesus himself. Its very easy for us to reject the Churchs teachings if we do not understand that the Church is the living, active voice of Jesus Christ on earth today. It becomes much more difficult for us to wrestle with the idea that when we reject the teachings of the Church, we are rejecting Jesus himself.Most of all, I want to encourage you to let your love for the Church shine! It pierces our hearts. It invites us to follow your lead. Two stories: The first one happened years ago. Before our pastor, Fr. Gary, was ever sent to St. Ferdinand, he was serving in a parish where one of my relatives attended. When she heard that Fr. Gary was coming to St. Ferdinand, she said to me, You are getting a very holy priest. He really loves the Church. She singled out that quality. And that quality was so crucial for methat example of loving the Church. The second story happened just three weeks ago. A seminarian came to tell us about the Christmas collection that would be taken up for the seminary. This young man, from the pulpit, told us a little bit about himself, told us about his calling and his vocation. And then he said these words:I love the Church, because it teaches the Truth! And tears welled up in my eyes because I had never heard that before. We need to be reminded of that over and over again. My parents (and their entire generation) were taught that the Church teaches the Truth. They may have rejected it, but they were taught it. We havent heard it, and we desperately need to hear it. The Virtue of Obedience Obviously, it is only if a four-year-old, or anyone we love, is about to drink poison . . . whats the most loving thing to do? Its to yell, STOP! when we have a love and respect for the Church that we will willingly submit to the Church and obey. Also, I realize that it is not popular to discuss the virtue of obedience from the pulpit. But we need it. We need it because our dissentour rebellionruns so rampant. Especially regarding sex and marriage, we dont want to listen to anyone. I must have said a thousand times to God, I am an adult, and I can make this decision on my own. I did not want to obey anybody.There are many Scripture passages which address the virtue of obedience.I want to point out two that were crucial in my journey. Mk 1:14-20 is the calling of Simon and Andrew, and Scripture says, They dropped their nets and followed after him. I wrote in my journal, Do I? Could I drop my issues with birth control if I had to in order to follow Jesus? The second Scripture is a similar version found in Chapter 5 of Luke. Jesus tells Peter to throw out the nets on the other side of the boat, and Peter says, Lord, weve been fishing all night and have caught nothing, but at your command Ill lower the nets. I was so much like Peter (before he obeyed)! I wanted to tell God, I wanted to tell Jesus, I wanted to tell the Pope, and all the Bishops and priests, You have no idea what youre talking about! Natural Family Planning doesnt make any sense! You cant expect us to live this! I am the one who understands sex and marriagenot you! So many of us are just like thatspiritual adolescents. Now that I have a teenager who tells me all the time, You dont know what youre talking about, I understand this attitude for what it really is. But that is the level where many of us have stayed in our spiritual growth. We are simply rebellious adolescents.How can you help foster this virtue of obedience? Specifically acknowledge these hot-button issues where you know it is difficult for us to obey. Come right out and ask us, Can you drop your issues with birth control? Practical suggestion: Appeal to us as parents. As parents, we know that any child or teenager who cannot listen and obey is obnoxious to be around. We know, tooand this is not my example, this is Christopher Weststhat if a four-year-old, or anyone we love, is about to drink poisonit may look like crystal clear water, but if that person is about to drink poisonwhats the most loving thing to do? Its to yell, STOP! Dont do it! Even if that person doesnt understand, we would still say, Stop! Dont do it! We also know that day-to-day life within a family is not a democracy. As mom of my family, I know that there is NO WAY everyone can do what they want, when they want, for as long as they want. We all have limits, boundaries, and responsibilities. And especially my teenager, even though he doesnt want those limits and boundaries, I know that he needs them.Invite us to see God as this loving Father. And there is another title that I did not understandthe title of the Church as Holy Mother Church. That title, in all honesty, used to tick me off. I thought, Why is the Church called Holy Mother Church? Who wants to listen to their mother? I know I certainly didnt. But now, as an adult, do I know that my mother would have given her life for me? YES! Do I know that she wanted only whats best for me? Of course. As a mother, do I want only whats best for my children? YES! Would I give my life for my kids? In an instant! Invite us to become more mature in our understanding, but childlike in our obedience. Invite us to see God as that loving Father, Jesus as our brother, and the Church as Holy Mother Churchwho only wants whats best for us. The Theology of the Body I cannot stress this one enough I cannot stress this one enoughTheology of the Body, Theology of the Body, THEOLOGY OF THE BODY! Theology of the Body, Theology of the Body, THEOLOGY OF THE BODY! We are so scarred and wounded by issues of the body. No one in our society escapes. As I said before, sometimes after a conference, women will stand in line with tears in their eyes and share with me their stories of pain and regret. These women suffer in secret and in silencedue to sexually transmitted diseases, eating disorders, contraception, sterilization, or post abortive stress disorder. Men, too, share with me their stories, which often include addiction to pornography and masturbation, sterilization, infidelity, contraception, homosexual acts, and soliciting prostitution. These distortions have taken their toll on our families in tragic ways and in epidemic proportions. And I know you can attest to this by the confessions that you hear. Our associate pastor, Fr. Tim Henderson, shared with us that, by far, the greatest source of tears that he hears in the confessional is the misuse of our sexuality. We are starving for truth, and we need healing of our bodies. Pope John Paul IIs Theology of the Body is the answer to our need. His beautiful teaching is beginning to revolutionize the world. we need you to call a spade a spade. Come right out and say, Contraception is a counterfeit. Its poison. And Christopher West, who has condensed the Popes teaching and made it easy for us to understand, is truly a prophet for our times.What can you do to help? Educate yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. Familiarize yourself with the Theology of the Body and the works of Christopher West. If you havent already done so, read Good News about Sex and Marriage, The Theology of the Body for Beginners, or The Theology of the Body Explained. If you prefer to listen to a CD rather than read a book, I recommend An Introduction to the Theology of the Body or his entire tape series, A Crash Course on the Theology of the Body. Better yet, go listen to Christopher West speak! Do whatever you can to learn about the Theology of the Body.I highly recommend a book by Jason Adams as well. This book, written specifically for priests, is entitled, Called to Give Life. It contains actual homilies so that you can incorporate the Theology of the Body or preach about the beauty of married love, Natural Family Planning, Humanae Vitaeall in conjunction with the Sunday readings and special feast days that lend themselves to this subject. Its an excellent, practical guide for the clergyCalled to Give Life. Also, I want to introduce you to One More Soul. One More Soul offers a wealth of resourcesall to promote the blessings of children and the harms of contraception. They have books, tapes, CDs, videos, pamphlets, DVDs and clergy packetseverything you can imagine on issues of chastity, marriage, Natural Family Planning, Humanae Vitae, and the Theology of the Body. All of it can be obtained through One More Soul www.OMSoul.com or (800) 307-7685. Begin your search for more information on the Theology of the Body, and have these resources available when married couples come to talk to you about these issues. Once you become familiar with the Theology of the Body, introduce it to your congregation. Share this good news! Preach about it at Massand not just once, but incorporate bits and pieces of the Theology of the Body into many different homilies. It is possible to doeven with children present. Challenge us to learn what real love is, and show us the counterfeits. For example, it was not condemning for me to learn that contraception was a counterfeit. It was actually freeing because I learned that there are so many counterfeits out there, and its very easy to fall for a counterfeit. Simply invite your parishioners to read these books for themselves and learn why the Church says what it says. Invite them to look deeper. And this may sound a bit bold, but we need you to call a spade a spade. Come right out and say, Contraception is a counterfeit. Its poison. Its like drinking the poison that looks like crystal clear waterbut it is poison in marriage.In addition to your homilies and speaking from the pulpit, there are more ways to promote an atmosphere of love and life all throughout your parish. I want to share with you nine practical tipsor action stepsthat you can implement in your own parish. Practical Tips/Action Steps (How to promote an atmosphere of love and life in your parish) 1. Invite Fr. Dan McCaffrey, Fr. Richard Hogan, or Fr. Matthew Habiger to speak at all the Masses at your parish. They are eager to proclaim Truth and challenge your congregation. They travel across the United States, speaking about contraception, Humanae Vitae, the gift of married love, and the meaning of real love. Better yet, schedule an entire parish mission for the family. Call (888) 637-6388. 2. In the back of church, set out brochures and resources from One More Soul, and this particular CD, Contraception: Why Not by Prof. Janet Smith. Put a sign out that says, FREETAKE ONE You never know who is going to pick up that CD. There are over one million in circulation. Its an excellent CD, and it changes lives. 3. In the bulletin, From the Pastors Pen, write about the beauty of marriage, NFP, and share your insights from the Theology of the Body. Include testimonies in your bulletin from married couples as well. This is a very strong witness, and it encourages couples to know that it is possible to live this Truth. 4. Offer websites in your bulletin. Websites are extremely important, because these issues can be very difficult and painful for married couples to confront. Some people, who perhaps have had an abortion or regret their sterilization, might not feel comfortable approaching you face to face. But they mightin the privacy of their own homeget on a website. Here, they can begin to search for some answers and gain healing. Have these websites in your bulletin: www.omsoul.com www.christopherwest.com www.ccli.org www.creightonmodel.com www.hopeafterabortion.com www.omsoul.com/nfp-links.php www.omsoul.com/pro-life-links.php www.omsoul.com/nfp-only.php . 5. Announce when and where Natural Family Planning classes will be offered throughout the diocese. Have this information in your bulletin ALL THE TIME! 6. Get with parishes in your deanery and invite speakers to come. Bring in Christopher West. Offer babysitting so that husbands and wives can attend togetherwhich is so important. 7. Attend a seminar. There are many wonderful opportunities for the clergy. The Couple to Couple League sponsors a Clergy Seminar every year. Christopher West teaches at the John Paul Theology of the Body Institute. Attend these seminars; gain more knowledge about the Theology of the Body; and immerse yourself into this beautiful teaching. 8. Promote Catholic books within your parish. For example, Oprah Winfrey set this nation on fire when she announced her Book of the Month Club. Everyone wanted to read that book, and it became a top seller. What about Catholic books? What if everyone in your parish were reading The Theology of the Body for Beginners, and you announced from the pulpit, Ive got a case of these books in the back of church. Get your copy! For the next few weeks, I will be talking about The Theology of the Body in my homilies. The following month could be about the life of a saint, or anything else you want. Have a Book of the Month in your parish! This will encourage us to read more, to learn about our faith, and to seek Truth, 9. Pray. . . . and when I say pray, I know that you pray. But let your congregation know that you are praying for them to seek Truth and to be open to the teachings of the Church. Let your congregation know that you are praying for that Cafeteria Catholic to return to full communion with the Church. Let them know that you are praying for holy marriages and holy families. This speaks volumes! Printable one-page version of Patty’s action points Click Here Most importantly, we need you as our Spiritual Fathers to challenge us to give up contraception for the good of our marriages. Invite us to read these books and to find out why the Church says what it says. Invite us to learn what Natural Family Planning really isand what it isnt. Explain that modern methods of NFP are scientific, observable, reliable, and in harmony with Church teaching for the spacing of childrenNOT the old rhythm method. Encourage us to change our entire mentality regarding love, life, and the beauty of children. Remind us of these words of the Second Vatican Council: Children are the SUPREME gift of marriage! (Gaudium et Spes 50, emphasis added) If we dont hear this message at church, where else will we hear it? Where else can we hear the message that children are a gift and a blessing? Put the Truth out therefront and Put the Truth out therefront and center from the pulpit and all throughout your parishso that we cant help but see it! center from the pulpit and all throughout your parishso that we cant help but see it! Even those that reject this teaching will at least have been told. They will never be able to say, I didnt know. Let no one in your parish be able to say, I didnt know. Finally, I want to thank all of you who already do witness to the beauty of the Churchs teachings on sex and marriage; you do let your love for the Church shine. Know that I pray for you daily in front of the Blessed Sacrament at our Eucharistic Adoration Chapel. I pray for you holy priests, for your courage, for your perseverance, and in thanksgiving for your witness.

Teaching Fertility Appreciation Teacher’s Guide

by Ross and Lisa Novack

The Fertility Appreciation class series was developed by Ross and Lisa Novack in January 1998 and was taught by them at Elizabeth’s New Life Center in Dayton, Ohio, from March 1998 to September 2001. The class plan was revised for publication in October 2002.

Ross Novack is an officer and an Electrical Engineer in the United States Air Force. Lisa is a stay-at-home wife and mother of three young children. They are trained users of the Sympto-Thermal Method of Natural Family Planning. They were involved with Elizabeth’s New Life Center in Dayton, Ohio, for four years. Ross was a member of the board of directors, and Lisa worked as a peer counselor and also offered computer graphics help. Together they developed these classes to make clients aware of the beauty of their God-given fertility, as well as informing them about the effects of contraception and the benefits of Natural Family Planning.

Contents

Why Teach Fertility Appreciation?

Fertility Appreciation Class Plan Part I: Understanding Your Fertility

Fertility Appreciation Class Plan Part II: Family Planning Methods

Fertility Appreciation Basics: A Review

Class Diagram

Teaching Fertility Appreciation and the Principle of Double Effect

What a Woman Should Know about Contraceptives, by Chris Kahlenborn, MD with Ann Moell, MD

• “The Pill”
• “The Shot” and Norplant
• Other Hormonal Contraceptives
• Barrier Methods: The Condom and the Diaphragm
• Spermicides
• The IUD (Intrauterine Device)
• “Permanent” Sterilization: Tubal Ligation and Vasectomy
• Wise Options
• NFP: Natural Family Planning

Teaching Fertility Appreciation in a Pregnancy Support Center

Resources for Teaching Fertility Appreciation

• Books
• Videotapes
• Organizations

Why Teach Fertility Appreciation?

What follows is the text of a pamphlet published by One More Soul describing the benefits achieved at Elizabeth’s New Life Center in Dayton, Ohio, through teaching Fertility Appreciation.

“Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do so will be called least in the kingdom of heaven. But whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matt 5:19

“If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.” John 8:32

At Elizabeth’s New Life Center, our philosophy is to be present to the needs of the women who come to us by providing peer counseling, material assistance, prenatal medical care, emotional support and friendship, spiritual guidance, education, whatever these needs may be. It is by being present to them that we reach these women with love, influencing them to choose life for their babies, supporting them in that decision, and helping them to change their lives for the better. Lisa and I have come to see this as the living application of the slogan, “Love them both.” An integral part of truly loving these women as God does is telling them the TRUTH — In Love — about marriage, sexuality, and chastity — the Truth that the world does not give.

The women who come to the Center are often not prepared to hear and accept the Truth we present to them. They have been conditioned by the world’s message: instant gratification, pleasure above all, and casual sex without strings. They have been taught that contraception is the world’s greatest invention, that children are a burden, and that babies can be disposed of. Some have never been taught what is right and good — not from their parents or families, not in school, and often not even in their churches. If they are told these things, it is by way of “Don’t do this” or “Don’t do that” without the reasons behind it. As a result, some clients have little or no basis on which our counselors can talk to them about chastity or morality.

A Fertility Appreciation class is another opportunity to teach these clients, to lay the foundation, and to encourage them to change their behavior. In this context we can do the groundwork necessary for the client to consider chastity or secondary virginity. The class gives us time to present our case in a way that is different from one-on-one counseling. The clients share their experiences and observations with each other, often validating in their eyes what we are trying to teach them.

In teaching Fertility Appreciation, we are trying to give the skills and information they need to form their consciences and make good choices. The primary goals of our class are to: 1) Teach God’s plan for sex and marriage, 2) Promote chastity or secondary virginity among unmarried women, and 3) Promote Natural Family Planning and generous self-giving within marriage in preference to contraception.

Really, though, the purpose and reach goes much further. We want them to realize the beauty and complexity of their fertility and the immeasurable value of their life and sexuality. We want to inform them of the physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational risks and harms of using contraception. In addition, we want them to be aware of the abortifacient effects of many types of contraception including the Pill, IUD, Norplant, Depo-Provera, and the Patch.

It is our responsibility to share the knowledge and Truth we’ve found. People have a need and a right to know how their bodies work, the purpose of sex, God’s plan for sex and marriage, the harms of artificial contraception, and that Natural Family Planning exists and is highly effective and worthwhile. Armed with this Truth, they can begin to turn their lives toward constructive relationships, freedom, and joy.

Is It Right to Teach Fertility Appreciation to Single Persons?

In this class, participants learn the basics of their fertility and are introduced to the ovulation method of Natural Family Planning. Some people are concerned that by teaching an unmarried person to read natural fertility signs, we are encouraging sexual activity without the potential consequence of making a baby. It is, however, impossible to give women the full understanding of how their bodies work without also discussing the observable signs of when they are fertile and when they are not. While providing this information, we also teach participants about the natural law (and therefore God’s law) concerning their sexuality — both the moral imperatives of God’s law and the consequences of not living by God’s law concerning sex. The information presented in the class is strongly oriented toward use within a marriage relationship and would be very difficult to use in a situation of adultery or fornication.

Women have the right to know how their bodies work as well as the right to know the effect contraceptive drugs and mechanical devices have on their bodies. Spreading this Truth is so critical because it is a basis for positive behavior change, which is our best hope for overcoming the problems of women and of society that are brought into pregnancy support centers every day. People are unlikely to get this message anywhere else.

In the “Artificial versus Natural Family Planning” video used in the class, Dr. Jerome Lejeune sheds light on this situation. He says, “I think the reason why NFP is not widely used by everyone is in fact because of two things: first, a man must have love for his woman and second, he must have respect for her physiology. And it cannot be used if you have random partners or if you do not have a real conjugal law.” By conjugal law, he means an understanding and respect for God’s law for sex. Consequently, our students are unlikely to use NFP without respecting God’s order for sexuality, which is chastity. In talking to a priest about the class, he said, “We can never be wrong about giving people information with which to make good moral choices. We are not responsible for the choices others make, but in fact we may be culpable for withholding the truth.”

Through this class, we try to instill in the clients a sense of the wonder and gift of their fertility and of pro-creating with God in bringing new life into the world. These are ambitious goals. We’re planting seeds. Only God knows if and when these seeds will germinate and bear fruit. However, God does sometimes let us see the fruits of our efforts to encourage us.

We have had several participants tell us later that our class helped them choose chastity. We’ve also had several married participants learn and practice NFP. They were pleased with the understanding it gave them of their own bodies. One participant, after sitting through our class, confided in us that she had an appointment to get an IUD the next day, and that, after listening to our presentation, she decided not to go. We’ve been amazed how God has used this class to change lives.

Structure of a Fertility Appreciation Class

The class has two parts:

Part one

covers philosophy and biology. We talk about how a woman’s natural fertility works and how wonderfully God has made our bodies. We discuss God’s plan for sex, how the female reproductive system works, and the naturally occurring signs of fertility (mucus) in a woman’s cycle.

We talk to them about God’s plan for sex and marriage and discuss the two-fold Natural Law purpose of sex — “Bonding and Babies.”

Bonding

— We talk about chastity, the emotional and psychological effects of premarital sex, and WHY sex is for marriage. We tell them that sex speaks the language of the body and what it says is, “I give myself to you completely and accept you completely not just now but for always.” We tell them how this bonding produces effects that are great for marriage, but it is disastrous outside of marriage — often causing couples to overlook serious problems with their partner.

Babies

— The “two become one” so completely that nine months later you’re picking out a name for that “one.” Openness to life when you have sex with your spouse is like saying, “I love you so much that I want to make another person just like you!” By withholding our fertility in sex, we put up a barrier to our love and union.

We explain the consequences of breaking God’s Natural Law for sex by using sex outside of the purposes for which it was created. We stress to them that it’s never too late — even though they’re not virgins, it’s never too late to choose chastity.

We show the video, “Appreciating Your Fertility” and explain the female reproductive system using a poster, talking about all the parts, what each does, and what happens in a woman’s normal cycle.

Part two

of the class reviews all the concepts covered in part one — especially God’s plan for sex and marriage, and the naturally occurring signs of fertility. We show the video “Artificial vs. Natural Family Planning” and then discuss the effects of artificial contraception, covering each method of contraception in detail.

We then discuss Natural Family Planning, which is the way God gives us to be able to postpone a pregnancy for a justifiable reason. This is done by learning the naturally occurring signs of a woman’s fertility so that the couple knows when to have and when to abstain from sex. We include several important points in our discussion of NFP including the scientific proof of the method, its low cost (money and time), moral acceptability, high success rate in a wide variety of cycle situations, reversibility, and ease of use. We stress that this is not the calendar rhythm method (the old rhythm method was only 65% effective — modern NFP is 98-99% effective if used properly). We tell them basically how it works day to day for a couple — charting, decision-making, and showing mutual respect. Lastly, we relate the many advantages of NFP including improved communication between husband and wife, increased respect and understanding, relationship building, reversibility (can be used to achieve pregnancy), and the decreased divorce rate of couples practicing NFP.

“When we first started working on this class we expected the clients to sit there and stare blankly at us as so often happens in a classroom setting — but we’ve been pleasantly surprised. Clients often share their own experiences, adding credibility to what we have said. They ask questions that are relevant and usually very astute; they answer questions when asked; and we often receive comments of amazement that they’ve never been told these things. We attribute this to the very intimate nature of the subject matter as well as the casual, comfortable, matter-of-fact way in which we try to approach it.”

Ross & Lisa Novack (developers of the Fertility Appreciation class)

 
Fertility Appreciation Class Plan

Part I: Understanding Your Fertility

I. Introduction and Purpose

A. Hi, thank you for coming. We’re really glad you’re here. [Tell them your name(s) and, if applicable, how long you’ve been married and how many kids you have. Have each of them introduce themselves and if they’re pregnant, have them tell when they’re due.]

B. The class is called “Understanding Your Fertility,” and it is the first class of a two-part series. Please try to make it again next week for the second class, which is called “Family Planning Methods.” In this part of the class we will:

1. Learn about God’s beautiful plan for sex and marriage,

2. Learn about how a woman’s natural fertility works — her reproductive system and the naturally occurring signs of fertility in a woman’s cycle, and

3. Learn to appreciate how wonderfully God has made our bodies — they are so intricate and so carefully balanced.

C. [Ask them a few questions and get their answers. You may give the basics now or wait.]

1. What do you already know about how the woman’s cycle works?

2. How many days a month do you think you can get pregnant?

[One day per cycle. A woman’s egg lives for 12-24 hours — though a man’s sperm may live in her for up to five days before that to fertilize the egg.]

3. How do you know when you’re fertile and when you aren’t?

[Presence of mucus or wetness. Low waking basal body temperature.]

These are some of the things we’ll learn more about in today’s class.

II. God’s Plan for Sex

A. What do you think God’s plan is for sex and marriage? [Listen to some of their answers.] Well, God has given a purpose and meaning to everything in life including sex. Sex can be a truly beautiful and amazing experience between a man and a woman, but God’s plan for sex is within the context of Marriage. It is only within this context that sex can really be true and beautiful. Experienced outside this context, sex’s meaning is distorted, and it can have serious consequences, as we’ll talk about. In this class, we’ll be focusing on God’s plan and how God made you in light of this plan.

B. Let’s begin with a quick lesson in Natural Law, which comes from elementary philosophy, because it’s helpful in understanding this section. The Natural Law is a self-evident truth. It is something you use everyday without knowing it. What the Natural Law says is this, “You have to treat things in accord with the nature and reality that they have if you want them to prosper.” [REPEAT] So, if you want something to thrive, you have to treat it according to the way it is made. Take the tomato plant, for example. If you want to get good tomatoes, you’ve got to treat that tomato plant in accord with its nature and reality, with the way it was made — that means providing it with the right amount of water, the right sunlight, temperature, etc. You can’t put the plant in the closet for a week and expect it to produce good tomatoes. Similarly, we have to treat ourselves and our sexuality in accord with our nature and reality so we prosper and reach our full

God-given potential.

C. So, why did God make sex — what’s its purpose? God made sex for two inseparable purposes: for the unification of the married couple and for the procreation of children, or for “Bonding and Babies.” So, that’s its nature and reality. First, let’s talk about bonding.

1. Bonding— We use our bodies to communicate. Our actions tell others about us and who we are as a person. We can’t separate a person from their actions. Sex speaks the language of the body, and what it says is “I give myself totally to you and accept you totally — not just for this moment but for always.” When a couple has sex, the two become one — physically, mentally, and spiritually. Sex is the super glue of the heart, bonding the two together. God meant for sex to bind the married couple together — to help them to outlast the difficult times and those times when they aggravate each other and get on each other’s nerves. It also helps them to overlook their spouse’s faults. For example, it helps me overlook Lisa throwing her clothes on the floor, and it helps Lisa overlook me not listening real well when she talking. [Add your own example.] This “blindness” is a good thing within marriage but can be very harmful outside of marriage. Consequently, it’s so important that we don’t have sex while dating. It could cause you to overlook faults that you need to see — such as selfishness, lack of self-control, or dangerous or harmful behavior. If you’re having sex before marriage, you could be bonding with someone that isn’t the right person for you to spend the rest of your life with. This bond is why breaking up, when you’re in a sexual relationship, is so hard to do. If the time comes that you realize the person you’re with isn’t the right person for you and you break up, part of your heart is torn away with that super glue. And it hurts. Each time we have a sexual relationship and break up, our hearts get a little harder. And so it’s harder to bond and really open ourselves up to truly loving the other. That’s not God’s plan for you. He doesn’t want you to go around with all these little parts of your heart torn out, and He surely doesn’t want us to lose our capability to love. By remaining chaste during dating — by not having sex — we are best able to clearly and wisely judge whether the other person is right for us, whether you’re compatible to live together for the rest of your lives. Now, let’s talk about babies.

2. Babies— In the sexual union, the “two become one” so completely that nine months later, they might be picking out a name for that “one.” The most special thing a husband and wife can do is to participate with God in the creation of a totally new person. God is the only one who can really make a baby — He gives us a part in that creation, but without Him we can’t make it happen. God wants to use the husband and wife’s act of lovemaking to bring forth new life. Being open to life when you have sex with your spouse by not using contraception is like saying to them, “I love you SO MUCH that I want to make another person just like you!” Saying, “I want to have children with you,” has so much more real, true love in it than saying, “I want to have sex with you.” When a couple contracepts, they refuse the self-giving nature of sex and put up a barrier to their love and union. They use each other for pleasure. They hold something back — “I love you except—your fertility.” This doesn’t mean we have to have as many babies as we can, but it does mean that we have to be responsible parents, use self-control, and follow God’s Natural Law. We’ll talk about this more later.

D. So God made sex for bonding and for babies — that’s His natural law or His purpose and design for sex. He meant for us to bond and have babies with someone who will be there for us through all the good times, through all the tough times. For better or for worse. God gives us His law. He made us, after all, and He knows how we work best! God’s law is written in all of our hearts — we know it deep down, and our experience tells us it’s true. Behaving contrary to the natural law is like putting honey in your gas tank even though the owner’s manual says that you should use gas. Of course, it is your car. So, you can do what you want with it because you have your God-given free will, but it’s not going to work right if you use it in a way that’s contrary to its nature and design. It’s also your body — you can do what you want with it because you have your God-given free will, but it’s not going to work right if you use your body contrary to its nature and design. Living by God’s law brings peace, joy, and freedom. God’s laws about sex are not rules to oppress us but guidelines to help us be really happy and healthy and free and to reach our full human potential. If we violate this law, we harm ourselves.

E. Let’s talk about some of the consequences or the ways we harm ourselves when we use sex outside of God’s plan by having sex outside of marriage or by using contraception:

1. Emotional — the pain of breaking that “super glue” bond of the heart and of closing us to truly loving others. This is a pain God never intended for us — it’s really the pain of divorce.

2. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) — there are over 50 strains of STDs today. The main STDs are Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, HPV (AKA Genital Warts), Herpes, and HIV/AIDS. The last three [Repeat them.] are incurable — if you get them, you have them for the rest of your life, and you may not even know you have them. Today alone 55,000 people (12,000 of them teens) will contract a STD. STDs cause pain and suffering and even death. Some cause serious infections or harm to your reproductive organs, sometimes causing permanent sterility — so later, when you want to get pregnant, you can’t.

3. Other consequences of violating God’s plan include unexpected pregnancy, divorce, abuse of women, sexual addiction, and adultery and infidelity. Adultery and premarital sex are made possible by contraception because it appears to separate babies from sex, making sex outside marriage possible without the consequences. Unfaithfulness always damages marriages and is often the cause of divorce. Most of these consequences hurt women more than men.

F. God loves us so much and doesn’t want us to suffer and get hurt from these things. He wants what’s best for us. To Love is wanting and doing what’s best for the other person. It’s very important to remember that it’s never too late. If you’re having sex outside of marriage and want to stop and wait until you’re married, remember that God forgives us. You can choose chastity or what some people call “secondary virginity.” You can always admit to Him that you’ve done wrong, ask for forgiveness, and pray for the strength to do what’s right.

III. The Female Reproductive System

A. I’d like to start out this next section on the female reproductive system by telling you, “A woman’s fertility is not a disease, it’s a natural function of her body.” God created us in a very intricate way. It’s amazing how everything works together. What’s going on in a woman’s body affects not only whether she can get pregnant but also how she feels and even how she thinks. Remember we talked a little while ago about what we already know about how our bodies work — now I’m going to show you a video about how it all fits together.

B. Show “Appreciating Your Fertility” video from Family of the Americas. (If you do not have the video or it is not available, you may proceed with the class anyway. The following reiterates and expounds on everything from the video.)

C. Now, we’re going to talk about what you saw in the video. (Use poster or diagram. Point to the different parts and have them tell you what it is. Then, explain what each part does.)

1. Vagina or birth canal

2. Uterus or womb

3. Cervix — neck of the womb. The mucus is produced here in the cervical crypts.

4. Endometrial Lining — the membrane that lines the walls of the uterus. It forms at the beginning of each new cycle to provide a kind of bed in which a newly conceived baby can implant and grow. At the end of the cycle, if the egg has been not fertilized, this bed will be expelled as menstruation.

5. Ovaries — the organs where the eggs are stored, develop, and grow and where some hormones are produced. At birth, a female’s ovaries contain all the eggs she will have for the rest of her life.

6. Fallopian Tubes — the channels that lead from the ovaries to the uterus. This is where conception occurs. Growing up, I always thought the sperm and egg met in the womb.

D. The Woman’s Cycle — Now we’re going to talk about the woman’s cycle and the hormones that control it.

1. The entire cycle begins in the brain. The pituitary gland begins by sending out a signal, a hormone called FSH (follicle stimulating hormone). It is sent through the bloodstream and stimulates the follicle on the ovary from which the egg will eventually develop and be released.

2. As the follicle develops, the ovaries begin producing the hormone estrogen, triggering several things to happen in the woman’s body. Estrogen signals the cervical glands to begin producing a type of secretion or mucus necessary for conception. This mucus starts out thick and tacky, and eventually becomes clear, slippery, and very stretchy. At that point, it can look like raw egg white. A woman can check the mucus throughout the day any time she goes to the bathroom — just by observing any mucus on the tissue after she wipes. This mucus filters out abnormal sperm and helps the healthy ones to survive and swim up to try to fertilize the egg. Without mucus, the sperm quickly die. Ladies, you may have noticed this mucus and thought something was wrong. We’ve even known nurses to think this. But this mucus is quite natural and necessary for new life to be conceived. The estrogen also helps make the endometrial lining thick and plush, so it’s ready to nourish a newly conceived baby, if the egg is fertilized.

3. Next, the estrogen sends a signal back to the pituitary gland, which then releases LH or luteinizing hormone. This hormone triggers the release of the egg or ovulation. After ovulation, the follicle that just released the egg now produces progesterone, which means “for gestation”). This hormone also affects several functions, including continuing to stabilize the endometrial lining of the uterus, making the mucus become thick and tacky and dry up, and elevating and stabilizing the woman’s temperature for incubation. When the sperm and egg meet at conception, a whole new human being is formed with a whole new genetic makeup — part mom and part dad. The single cell egg begins to divide and divide again. All the while, it travels down the fallopian tube and then implants in the uterus and begins to grow. By 10 weeks, the baby is completely formed. The baby’s heart, brain, spine, fingers, and toes are all there, and the baby just needs time to mature.

4. If conception has not occurred usually within 24 hours after ovulation, the egg that was released will disintegrate, the endometrial lining will be expelled with menstruation, the progesterone level drops, and the whole cycle will start all over again.

E. Breastfeeding and Fertility:

1. When a woman is breast-feeding, her body produces a hormone called prolactin (meaning “for milk”). If her body is producing a high enough level of prolactin, this hormone suppresses the other hormones and causes her not to ovulate — giving her a period of infertility. To do this, the mother must be exclusively breast-feeding — no bottles and no nursing on-demand. This does not work for all women. Mothers who are using “ecological” or exclusive breast-feeding, generally experience an absence of cycles from 6 months to a year and a half. Fertility usually returns when the baby stops nursing frequently and starts on solids. This is the body’s way of spacing babies — it’s one of God’s many design features and one of the many benefits of breast-feeding.

2. Another important benefit of breast-feeding is the protection it provides against cancer. A major study published [by Oxford University] in 2002 found that the risk of breast cancer dropped by 4.3 percent for every year woman breast-feeds and by 7 percent for each additional child a woman has — even if she doesn’t breast-feed. On the flip side, research has shown an increased risk of breast cancer from abortion and the use of hormonal contraceptives. These and many other benefits of breast-feeding for mom and baby really show us that doing things God’s way — the way He designed them — is best.

F. Now, we’re going to review the Fertility Appreciation Basics sheet. [Hand out sheet and have them follow along. What follows below expands on the points made on the sheet.]

1. Ovulation occurs on only 1 day in each cycle. The woman’s egg lives only 12 — 24 hours if it’s not fertilized.

2. The man’s sperm need mucus for food and protection to survive. Sperm without mucus die within hours. Sperm in the best fertile mucus may live 3 — 5 days. Men are always fertile.

3. A woman’s fertility depends on ovulation and satisfactory mucus.

4. Pregnancy can result from contact of sexual organs on fertile mucus days without penetration or ejaculation. The man can release a tiny drop of highly fertile seminal fluid when he’s aroused before climax.

5. Intimate sexual contact on days of possible fertility may cause conception even though contraceptive devices are employed. Many women get pregnant every year while using contraception like the Pill, Depo Provera, or Norplant and even after sterilization (tubal ligation or vasectomy). We see a lot of them in our center. None are 100% effective except for abstinence or hysterectomy (or castration).

6. The changing levels of a woman’s hormones each day may affect her feelings, moods, and perceptions. Ladies, this is why you may feel like a different person from one day to the next.

7. Charting the signs of your fertility will help you to understand what is going on with your body and your emotions — get you in tune with your body. Understanding your fertility depends on accurate information and accurate charting.

8. A married couple may use these charts to know when the wife is fertile and help them achieve or avoid getting pregnant by knowing when to have or abstain from intercourse. This method is called Natural Family Planning, and it has been shown to be highly effective (as good or better than most methods of artificial contraception) and has many great benefits for the married couple.

9. Remember that even though you’ve learned a little about NFP today, if you want to practice it, it’s very important to take a class to learn all the guidelines and have your charts reviewed by an instructor.

IV. Conclusion

A. God made you in a very special, intricate way, and He loves you and wants what’s best for you.

B. Your body is a beautiful creation and the way that it works is really something special and amazing. Your natural fertility is something to be cherished and taken care of.

C. You can learn to read the natural signs your body gives you to know when you are fertile and when you are not.

D. Remember that God’s plan for sex is a part of marriage, sex is for babies and bonding. God set up this plan for sex and marriage because He loves new life — but He wants us to be able to have a part in the decision of when to have children. The husband and wife must be generously open to new life, but if there’s a serious reason that they need to postpone getting pregnant, God has given us the tools to do this naturally while still being open to new life and obedient to His plan for sex. We call this Natural Family Planning.

E. In the second part of this class, called “Family Planning Methods,” we’ll build on what we learned today. We’ll look at different types of birth control and family planning, how effective they are, and what effects they can have on your body. Hope to see you then. Thanks for your attention.

Fertility Appreciation Class Plan

Part II: Family Planning Methods

I. Introduction and Purpose

A. Hi, thanks for coming. We’re really glad you’re here. [Reintroduce yourself and spouse or teaching partner and have those present introduce/reintroduce themselves.]

B. This class, called “Family Planning Methods,” is the second class of a two-part series. We’ll be reviewing some of what we learned in the first class. If you weren’t here for the first class, called “Understanding Your Fertility,” please try to come the next time it’s offered. It’s an important class and complements what you’ll learn today. In this class, we’re going to be talking about artificial contraception and natural family planning.

II. Review from Part 1

A. What do you remember from last week?

1. What are the two purposes of sex?

[Babies & Bonding]

2. What is the primary sign of fertility?

[Mucus]

B. Let’s review what we learned in the first class about the female reproductive system. [Point to each part on chart and have them name the part and its function. Review the class plan for part one, if necessary.]

1. Vagina, cervix, uterus, endometrial lining, ovaries, and fallopian tubes.

2. Review the basics of what happens in a normal cycle including the timing of the different hormones.

III. Disadvantages of Artificial Birth Control

A. Show the “Artificial vs. Natural” video from Family of the Americas. [It is possible to teach this class without the video, but you may need to be more detailed in explanations of each type of artificial contraception listed below. The video provides good witness testimony and moving images.]

B. Now, let’s review and take a closer look the different types of artificial contraception and their effects. [Encourage the women to share their stories — it gives credibility to the information presented here. Some of the best and most compelling reasons for not using this or that type of artificial contraception came from the women in our classes. The following information can be reduced or tailored to the audience, especially if the class is talkative about their experiences. To shorten the lesson content, go over how each type works, skip the cost, and highlight only a few of the side effects.]

Often women are not told the risks and side effects by their doctors. We must take control and responsibility for our own bodies. It is up to us to ask the questions and make the sometimes-tough decisions about what we put into our bodies and how we use them.

C.

The Pill

1. It costs $250 to $300 per year.

2. The Pill contains synthetic forms of the hormones estrogen and progesterone.

3. It works in three ways: first, it suppresses ovulation; second, it thickens the cervical mucus; and third, it thins the lining of the uterus or endometrium.

a. The third method, thinning of the endometrium, causes an early abortion by preventing implantation of the fertilized egg or ovum if an egg has been released and fertilized.

b. It’s estimated that the Pill may cause one or more early abortions a year.

4. The Pill suppresses pituitary functioning all month long (other functions than ovulation).

5. It has over 30 known side effects including: nausea, vomiting, weight gain, acne, decreased sex drive, yeast infections, moodiness, headaches, blood clots, increased risk of stroke and cancer of reproductive organs, high blood pressure, irregular bleeding, difficulty in conceiving after stopping the Pill, and it may actually increase the risk of STDs.

a. More than a third of all women who start taking the Pill stop within three months because of the side effects — so know you’re not alone if you’ve had problems while on the Pill.

b. The Pill can have harmful effects on the circulatory system, just as smoking does. A woman who takes the Pill and smokes increases her risk of heart disease by 500%.

D.

Norplant

1. It costs $600 to $800 per 5 years for insertion and removal.

2. Norplant consists of five or six rods placed just under the skin in the upper arm which release hormones into the bloodstream over a period of five years.

3. It works similar to the Pill. It thickens the cervical mucus, but because of the different hormone mix, it suppresses ovulation only half of the time inducing early abortions the other half of the time by making the endometrium hostile to the newly fertilized egg.

Norplant may cause as many as three early abortions yearly.

4. Side effects are similar to the Pill but others include: severe abdominal pain, migraine headaches and blurred vision, arm pain and infection, migration or fragmentation of the rods (where the rods actually break and move to other parts of the arm), hair loss, liver tumors, gall bladder disease, ovarian cysts, absence of periods (two-thirds of all users).

a. Not having periods may sound good, but nature intended the woman’s period to cleanse her body from unwanted bacteria.

E.

Depo-Provera

(also known as “The Shot”)

1. It costs up to $200 per year.

2. Depo is a hormonal contraceptive injection given every 3 months [with the hassle of having to go to her OB/GYN every 3 months to get it].

3. It works similar to the Pill and Norplant.

4. Its side effects are like those of the Pill.

a. If you have an allergic reaction or bad side effects, you can’t take it out of your system. They have to give you more drugs.

b. In a brochure for the patient, the manufacturer warns women not to use Depo if they have any heart or lung problems or have a family history of these problems.

c. The manufacturer also tells users that Depo-Provera strips the body of calcium and recommends increasing their intake of calcium-rich foods. Long-time users may be at an increased risk for osteoporosis.

F.

Intrauterine Device (IUD)

.

1. It costs $200 to $300 per year.

2. An IUD consists of a metal or plastic device inserted

into the uterus.

Many IUDs also have a spermicide or hormone added.

3. It causes a chronic irritation of the uterine lining, making the endometrium hostile to the fertilized egg. The woman still has her cycle and ovulates normally.

4. It usually acts by preventing sperm transport, but also can prevent implantation, resulting in an early abortion. IUDs are 84% effective. The rest of the time doctors either have to remove the device from the pregnant woman or perform an abortion. If a woman doesn’t realize until later in her pregnancy that she is pregnant, there is great risk to her and the baby.

5. Side effects are: pain and menstrual fluctuations; occasional perforation of the uterus or cervix; embedding, migration, or fragmentation of the IUD; continual spotting or prolongation of menstrual flow.

6. The IUD can cause serious pelvic infections like Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, which progresses from the uterus through the fallopian tubes into the pelvis, sometimes going undetected for long periods and causing infertility.

7. The IUD does not prevent STDs, rather it increases the risk of STDs like HIV. This happens for two reasons: first, it can cause chronic infection in the woman’s uterus, and second, there’s a string attached to the IUD (to remove it if necessary) that can act as a wick for bacteria or viruses.

G.

Condoms

1. Ineffectiveness: They normally fail between 15 and 35% of the time in preventing pregnancy, and there’s a 35-44% failure rate for unmarried women. A recent Center for Disease Control study, where the CDC pooled the results from all available studies, found the condom to fail one-third (or 33%) of the time.

The higher failure rate of condoms for unmarried women may be due to unmarried partners taking less care in using the condom. Also, unmarried people are more likely to store condoms in their wallet or car, where heat can damage the condom and cause it to break.

2. Condoms have a much higher failure rate for preventing STDs. No matter what “safe sex” advocates want to tell you, condoms don’t protect against HIV. The HIV virus and the sperm are smaller than the smallest detectable hole in a condom. To visualize this, think of the smallest hole in the condom being the same diameter as a softball, the sperm is the size of a shrimp, and the HIV virus is the size of a pea. Condoms don’t protect against Syphilis or HPV (also known as genital warts) either, which are contracted by skin to skin contact and may be on parts of the body not covered by the condom.

H.

Gels, foams, and spermicides

These can contribute to Toxic Shock Syndrome, have low effectiveness rates, and increase risk of STDs.

I.

Sterilization

1. Tubal ligation or “Getting your tubes tied”

a. This involves surgically cutting the fallopian tubes and sealing the tubes by tying them or burning the ends.

b. This is supposed to prevent the egg from passing from the tube to the uterus and the sperm from getting to the egg.

c. Side effects: severe bleeding, pelvic infection, increased cramping, decreased sex drive, psychological problems, ectopic or tubal pregnancy

A sterilized woman has a three times greater risk of a tubal pregnancy. This occurs when the egg is fertilized but can’t travel down to the uterus. The growing baby then ruptures the fallopian tube, causing serious hemorrhaging that can be life-threatening. We once had a woman in our class whose aunt had a tubal ligation and later had five ectopic pregnancies.

2. Vasectomy

a. This involves surgically cutting and sealing the Vas Deferens, which is the tube that transports the developed sperm from the testes out toward the penis.

b. It prevents the sperm from leaving the testes. The man’s body must then break the sperm down and absorb them. It’s this fact that causes many of the physical side effects of the vasectomy. The man’s body reacts as if his sperm were harmful bacteria. In essence, his body becomes allergic to itself. This is called the Auto-Immune Syndrome, and it happens in 55-75% of patients.

c. Other side effects, some of which may be caused by the Auto-Immune Syndrome, include: thyroid and joint disorders, heart and circulatory disease, diabetes, 85-90% higher risk of prostate cancer, increased risk of kidney problems, decreased sex drive, and psychological problems.

d. Furthermore, both tubal ligation and vasectomy are meant to be permanent. However, we don’t know what the future holds — unforeseen and tragic things may happen — and we may desire to have another child later on. A sterilization reversal can be costly, painful, and not 100% successful.

IV. Natural Family Planning

A. A doctor in the video made a really good point when he said, “A woman is only fertile about one hundred hours of every cycle, yet most methods of artificial contraception act on her body throughout her entire cycle, 24 hours a day, every day.” Now, we’re going to talk about a method called Natural Family Planning (NFP). This is where, as we learned last week, the couple learns to read and understand the naturally occurring signs of her fertility to know when she’s fertile and when she’s not. Couples then use this information to decide together whether to try to conceive or to postpone getting pregnant.

B. Natural Family Planning is scientifically proven, highly effective (98-99%), and successful in a wide variety of cycle situations, whether you’re nursing, pre-menopausal, or have long cycles. It is readily available, very inexpensive, simple to learn, and easy to use. It doesn’t take much time — only 5 minutes or less every day. It’s morally acceptable to everyone — to Catholics and other Christians, Mormons, and Muslims. It’s completely natural, doesn’t interfere with the normal functioning of your body, and has absolutely no harmful side effects — though there are many benefits that we’ll discuss in few minutes.

A study published in 1991 in the British Medical Journal found that the couples who were taught the Ovulation Method of Natural Family Planning by Mother Teresa and her Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India were using it with a 99.5% effectiveness rate — as good or better than any other method of family planning available. For the most part, these people in this study, who learned the Ovulation Method, were poor and illiterate.

C. This is not the old Calendar Rhythm Method you’ve probably heard about. Modern methods of NFP are often confused with the Rhythm Method of the 1950s and 1960s.

The Rhythm Method was only about 65% effective. When it was developed in the 1930s, it was thought that every woman’s fertility was the same as every other woman’s and that all women had the same 30-day cycle from month to month, which of course we know now is not true.

D. There are two main methods of NFP — the Ovulation Method, which involves observing the mucus sign, and the Sympto-Thermal Method, which combines the mucus sign with other crosschecks. The primary crosscheck is the woman’s basal body temperature — this is her temperature right when she wakes up. Both methods are highly effective (98-99% effective), if taught correctly and used properly. The Ovulation Method is simpler to learn and use and best for women with normal cycles. The videos we watched focus on this method. The Sympto-Thermal Method is best for women who have harder to read or more variable cycles, those who are nursing, or those who are having difficulties getting pregnant.

E. Really NFP is very simple to use. This is how it works for most: During the day, the woman observes her mucus sign, which she does by checking for mucus on the tissue when she wipes. Then, at bedtime, the husband notes the observations on a chart. If they are using the Sympto-Thermal Method, he’ll also mark down her morning temperature and any other crosschecks, which could include cervical position, breast tenderness, cramps, headache, moods, etc. Usually, a couple is using the method to postpone a pregnancy, and they want to know when the woman is in her infertile time. By applying some simple rules to the data, they will know whether or not she’s starting her fertile time, if she’s still in her fertile time, when she’s transitioning into the infertile time, and usually when her period is about to start. If she is fertile, they might discuss whether they want to try to conceive or avoid a pregnancy and why. This could lead them to talk about bigger issues in their marriage like their budget, what they’re spending their money on, his/her job situation, how much support the husband is giving with parenting or housekeeping, how overwhelmed or overburdened they might be feeling with the children they have, or other future plans. After the discussion, they might decide, “Let’s go for it” or “Let’s wait.” Whatever the decision, they just had some pretty important communication. When a couple is contracepting, it could be a long time between discussions like this one.

F. If the couple decides to abstain until the infertile time, which may be between 8 and 15 days long for a normal cycle, they can show their love in many other creative ways. This becomes a time for growing in their relationship — building the “best friends” side of their marriage. They should not tempt each other if they’ve agreed to abstain. She may not be able to wear her slinky nightgown because of her effect on him. It may also be difficult for her because a woman usually has a higher libido during her fertile time. They may have to guard what they watch and read. Remember, we’re not animals, we can control our passions and develop self-control. Sure it takes work to guard your heart and mind from all the sensuality of the world, but you’re doing it out of love for one another and growing in faithfulness. The couple using NFP to postpone will usually experience what’s been called the “courtship/honeymoon cycle.” When they reach the “safe-time” to have sex, these couples often experience a more exciting and fulfilling union — like on their honeymoon, because of their growth in friendship and the sacrifice that they made for each other.

G. Then when the couple is ready for children, they can use NFP to help you conceive a child. By using NFP, they’ll know exactly when it’s the best time to have intercourse to achieve a pregnancy. We know many couples who used NFP to get pregnant when they were having trouble doing so — ourselves included.

H. Having the husband involved in charting and making decisions together is very important to the success of the method. It may be hard to believe, but the man will come to understand his wife’s body more and be more sensitive to her needs. Over time of using the method, he may know before her that the symptoms she’s having are due to PMS and then be able to be more understanding and helpful to her. If she’s feeling crabby, moody, or irritable, then he knows why she’s feeling that way, knows not to take it personally, and knows when to “cut her some slack.” Through the understanding he gains of her by using NFP, the man learns to truly love and care for his wife and her body. He gains respect for the “mystery and mystique” of her body, as I like to call it, and will realize, as I did, how amazingly intricate my wife is made and how wonderful is it that she can conceive and nurture new life within her.

I. The woman will understand her body more, too, and can more quickly and easily detect changes and problems if they occur. By knowing her body well, she’s able to identify when things aren’t right with her body and discuss it more accurately with her doctor.

J. By using NFP, the couple learns respect for the natural way their bodies work. They work with the natural cycles and are not polluting her body with chemicals or foreign objects or putting up a barrier to their union. They learn to be more generous and giving with each other, because they’re holding nothing back. They’re respecting sex for what God created it to be in saying to each other, “I give myself totally to you and accept you totally — not just for this moment but for always.”

K. By not using artificial means to prevent a pregnancy, they keep themselves open to God’s working in their lives and through their lovemaking. In doing this, they’re following God’s Natural Law. Natural Law is the way that God designed things to work the best. It’s also the purpose for which He made things. As we discussed last week, God designed sex for both babies and bonding. When we try to thwart God’s plan by having sex outside of marriage or by using artificial contraception, there are harmful consequences — emotional pain of breaking up, sexually transmitted diseases, abuse of women, unexpected pregnancy, divorce, and many others.

Behaving contrary to Natural Law is like putting honey in your gas tank even though the owner’s manual says that you should use gas. Of course, it’s your car, so you can do what you want with it because you have your God-given free will. But it’s not going to work right if you use it in a way that’s contrary to its nature and design. Living by God’s law brings peace, joy, and freedom. God’s laws about sex are not rules to oppress us but guidelines to help us be really happy and healthy and free. It’s meant to help us to learn to love and be loved as He loves us — for our own sake.

L. Does anyone know the current national divorce rate? They say it’s around 50%. Does any one know when the divorce rate started ramping up? Would it surprise you if I told you, that it was around the time the contraceptive pill became widely available? Does anyone want to guess what the divorce rate is among couples practicing NFP? The estimate is less than 5%. It sounds to me like God knew what He was doing. This doesn’t mean that NFP is going fix a bad marriage, but it does strengthen marriages.

V. Conclusion

A. Remember that God’s plan for sex is a part of marriage. Saying “I want to have children with you” is much more meaningful than just saying “I want to have sex with you.” Sex before marriage can be just using the other person — not truly loving them. Remember, truly loving someone means you want what’s best for the other person, and you act accordingly. God made you in a very special, intricate way, and He loves you and wants what’s best for you. Your body is a beautiful creation, and your natural fertility is something to be cherished and taken care of. Also remember that it’s never too late to choose chastity — to wait until marriage for sex; it’s how God planned for us to work.

B. You have learned a little about NFP and how to read your natural signs of fertility, but there’s a bit more to it. There are special rules of charting and guidelines you need to know for how to avoid or achieve pregnancy with the ovulation method of Natural Family Planning.

C. If you want to learn more about how to practice NFP, we will have a follow up meeting with an instructor. [time & date] You’ll receive a book and charting supplies, and she will make sure you understand all the rules and how to chart your cycle.

Thanks for your time and attention. We’re available now or can be contacted anytime if you have questions.

The Fertility Appreciation class series was developed and taught by Ross and Lisa Novack for Elizabeth’s New Life Center in Dayton, Ohio.

Fertility Basics: A Review

• OVULATION occurs on only 1 DAY in each cycle
• The EGG lives only 12 — 24 hours if not fertilized
• SPERM need MUCUS to survive
• SPERM without MUCUS DIE within HOURS
• SPERM with best MUCUS may live 3 — 5 DAYS
• FERTILITY depends on OVULATION and SATISFACTORY MUCUS
• PREGNANCY can result from CONTACT of sexual organs on FERTILE MUCUS days WITHOUT PENETRATION or EJACULATION
• Intimate sexual contact on days of possible fertility MAY CAUSE CONCEPTION even though CONTRACEPTIVES are used
• The changing levels of hormones may affect: FEELINGS, MOODS, AND PERCEPTIONS
• Understanding your fertility depends on: ACCURATE INFORMATION and ACCURATE CHARTING

Remember: If you want to practice Natural Family Planning — it is important to have your charting reviewed by an instructor.

Class Diagram

Reprinted with permission of Family of the Americas.

This diagram is available in color on the One More Soul website onemoresoul.com in the Online Publications section under Other Items look for the title “Teaching Fertility Appreciation class diagram (pdf version) ” To copy this file to your computer, go to the page for the diagram and, with the link labeled “Download a printable version of this publication” follow the directions below.

If you’re on a PC, right-click the link and choose “Save Target to disk…” or “Save to disk…” or “Save Target as…”

If you’re on a Mac, option-click the link and it will download to the default download location on your Mac.

Teaching Fertility Appreciation and the Principle of Double Effect

The following is adapted from the Catholic Dictionary (published by Our Sunday Visitor Books).

Principle of Double Effect: Actions sometimes have two effects closely related to each other, one good and the other bad. The question is: Is it permissible to perform an action from which two such results follow?

Action: Teaching Fertility Appreciation (FA) at a Pregnancy Support Center to unmarried women.

Possible Results: 1) The women apply the knowledge of FA and NFP to fornicate by using NFP as a contraceptive, or 2) The women choose “secondary virginity” or chastity until marriage and embrace God’s plan for marriage and sexuality, or 3) The married and unmarried women choose to go off artificial birth control and choose to be generous with their fertility.

Using the Principle of Double Effect

It is permissible to perform the action if all of the following five conditions are met:

1. There is no other action which will produce the good effect without the possibility of also causing the bad effect. Teaching FA and NFP is the only action we have available to open the clients up to chastity. They’re likely to never hear about these things (i.e., morality of sex and marriage, how their body works, harmful effects of and abortifacient action of artificial birth control) ever again anywhere else.

2. The action is good (or at least neutral) and directly productive of the good effect. Teaching God’s plan for sex and marriage and the beauty and design of our fertility is a good action. There is nothing intrinsically evil about Fertility appreciation or Natural Family Planning. It is good for people to know the Truth “for it will set you free.” Also, teaching and informing consciences has the direct effect of influencing people and bringing about a change in their beliefs and behavior.

3. The intention of the person is good. Our intention in teaching the class is good and correct. We intend and hope and pray that the result will be good. We do not want or intend to have the woman use NFP to contracept and fornicate.

4. The circumstances are good for producing the good effect. We have a positive class setting. Our class is spread out over two meetings, which gives a double reinforcement of the message. We back all our information up with videos and materials we hand out. The clients and their guests are taught both the method and the reasons behind the method. We’re not telling them this on the bus or on the street corner where they don’t get the whole pitch.

5. The reason for the action is proportional to the seriousness of the indirect bad effect. Reason we are doing this is to give them the knowledge and Truth by which to make proper moral judgements with, or put simply, to get them to stop fornicating and/or contracepting. The possible ramifications of withholding the Truth from people are readily apparent in the world (i.e., fornication, adultery, contraception, pornography, abortion, etc.).

All the conditions are met.

Father Bill Kramer of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati said, “We can never be wrong about giving people information with which to make good moral choices. We are not responsible for the choices that others make [granted their choices are not directly caused by our coercion or lies], but in fact we may be culpable for withholding the truth.”

What if we don’t teach them? If we don’t teach them, will this bring their promiscuity to an end? Probably not. If we don’t teach them, are they likely to choose chastity or secondary virginity? Probably not. We may be the last people to plant in them the seed about the Truth of their sexuality and God’s design.

Scripture Verses

“Much will be required from the person entrusted with much..”

Lk 12:48

“Whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Mt 5:20

“If you remain in my word, you are truly my disciples and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

Jn 8:31,32

“I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.”

Jn 11:25

For these and other reasons, we feel that it is right and good that we do this.

What a Woman Should Know about Contraceptives

“The Pill”

The birth control pill is used by over 10 million women in the US today and about 4 million of those are under age 25.1The Pill consists of a combination of two types of artificial hormones called estrogens and progestins. It works by inhibiting ovulation and sperm transport and by changing the lining of the inside of a woman’s uterus (called the endometrium) so that if the woman does conceive she will often have an early abortion.

Ethical side effects: It is estimated that women experience at least one very early abortion for every year that they are on the Pill.2Both pro-abortion and pro-life groups acknowledge that the Pill causes early abortions.3

Medical side effects: The birth control pill increases the risk of breast cancer by over 40% if it is taken before a woman delivers her first baby.4This risk increases by 70% if the Pill is used for four or more years before the woman’s first child is born.5Other side effects that women have experienced include the development of high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke, heart attack, depression, weight gain, migraine, dark spots on the skin and difficulty with breast-feeding. Diabetics who take oral contraceptives may note increased sugar levels. Some women who stop taking the Pill do not have a return of their fertility (menstrual cycles) for a year or longer. Although the Pill decreases ovarian and some uterine cancers, it increases breast, liver, and cervical cancer.4At least three studies have noted that the AIDS virus is transmitted more easily to women who are taking the Pill and whose partner(s) has the HIV virus. 6, 7, 8The cost of using the Pill for five years is over $1,000.

“The Shot” and Norplant

Commonly known as “the shot,” Depo-Provera, a long acting progestin hormone, is injected into a woman’s muscle every three months. It works by decreasing ovulation, by inhibiting sperm transport and by changing the lining of a woman’s uterus. Norplant is another progestin that is placed into silastic (rubber-like) tubes and placed under the skin of a woman and left there for up to five years.

Ethical side effects: By changing the lining of the uterus, Norplant and Depo-Provera both can cause an early abortion when conception does occur. Women who use Norplant will probably experience more than one abortion each year since the average woman ovulates in more than 40% of her cycles while using Norplant.9Depo-Provera may theoretically cause just as many abortions as Norplant since it is also a type of progestin.

Medical side effects: The results of two major world studies have shown that women who take Depo-Provera for two years or more before age 25 have at least a 190% increased risk of developing breast cancer.10In addition, Depo-Provera may reduce a woman’s bone density, and worsen a woman’s cholesterol level. One study found that women who had received injectable progestins (i.e., usually Depo-Provera or norethisterone enanthate) for at least five years and who had used them at least five years prior, suffered a 430% increased risk of developing cervical cancer.11Several studies have shown that women who receive injectable progestins have a much higher rate of contracting the AIDS virus if their partner is infected, with one study showing a 240% increased risk.12Norplant, which was developed later than Depo-Provera, has received less scrutiny, but may carry just as high a risk as Depo-Provera. In addition, over 50,000 women have participated in law suits against the manufacturer of Norplant, citing complaints of irregular bleeding, scarring, painful muscles, and headaches.13

Other Hormonal Contraceptives

The same artificial hormones used in the Pill, Depo-Provera, and Norplant are packaged in a variety of other delivery systems: the Patch, the “Morning after Pill,” the monthly injection Lunelle, hormone impregnated IUDs and vaginal inserts, and others. More are in development. Most are so new that their side effects have not been well researched. They use the same chemicals as the Pill and can be expected to have generally the same effects. All the hormonal contraceptives can also cause extended periods of infertility after they are discontinued.

Barrier Methods: The Condom and the Diaphragm

The condom has a failure rate that is estimated to be between 10-30%.14, 15There are several reasons for this such as breakage or slippage during use, defective condoms that have been damaged or poorly manufactured in the factory, and cracked condoms caused by storage in a hot or very cold place.

Medical side effects: The condom does not adequately stop the transmission of the AIDS virus: CM Rowland, Ph.D., editor of the journal Rubber Chemistry and Technology, tells us that electron micrographs (pictures taken with a very powerful microscope) reveal voids (holes) in the condom that are up to 50 times bigger than the HIV particle.16 The analogy would be that of throwing a marble at a tennis court fence and expecting it to stop the marble from going through.

The diaphragm is a barrier method of birth control so it theoretically does not cause early abortion. At least one study has noted that women who use barrier methods such as the diaphragm or condom, or the withdrawal method, had a 137% increased risk of developing preeclampsia in future pregnancies.17Preeclampsia, a complication occurring in some pregnant women, consists of a syndrome of high blood pressure, fluid retention, and kidney damage, which may eventually lead to prolonged seizures and/or coma. It is theorized that exposure to the male’s sperm has a protective role against preeclampsia.

Spermicides

Frequently, couples will use a spermicide in conjunction with their barrier method. A spermicide is an agent that is designed to kill the male’s

sperm and is often sold as a gel or as an ingredient in the vaginal sponge. Toxic Shock Syndrome has been associated with the spermicide sponge.18One researcher has noted that couples who have used certain spermicides within a month of conception have experienced a doubling in the rate of birth defects as well as a doubling of the rate of miscarriage.19

The IUD (Intrauterine Device)

[Most of the information regarding the IUD is taken from the 1997 PDR20 (Physician’s Desk Reference)]. This is a coil-like device made of hard plastic which may also contain copper. A doctor inserts it into a woman’s uterus. It works by irritating the lining of the uterus and obstructing sperm transport. When conception occurs in spite of this, it has

a secondary function of preventing implantation, thus causing an early abortion.21Other side effects include uterine perforation which may lead to a hysterectomy, and infection, such as a pelvic or tubo-ovarian abscess. Use of all IUDs has been associated with an increased incidence of PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease).20According to Rossing and Daling, two prominent researchers, women who had previously used an IUD for three or more years were more than twice as likely as women who had never used an IUD to have a tubal pregnancy (adjusted relative risk = 2.5, 95% confidence interval = 1.5-4.3). Among these long-term users of an IUD, risk of ectopic pregnancy remained elevated for many years after the device was removed. [An ectopic pregnancy is one in which the unborn child implants himself/ herself in a location other than in the mother’s uterus, usually in the fallopian tube.] Ectopic pregnancy remains the leading cause of maternal death in the United States. In addition the IUD may cause back aches, cramping, dyspareunia (painful intercourse), dysmenorrhea (painful menstrual cycles), and infertility. Since women who have an IUD in place experience a number of early abortions, they theoretically are at increased risk for developing breast cancer, since abortion has been associated with an increased risk of breast cancer.4

“Permanent” Sterilization: Tubal Ligation and Vasectomy

Tubal ligation, the “tying off” or cutting of a woman’s fallopian tubes, does not always prevent pregnancy. When pregnancy does occur, it is associated with a much higher incidence of ectopic pregnancy,22which, as was noted, is the leading cause of death in pregnant women. In addition, women who undergo the procedure may experience complications from the anesthesia or from the laparoscopic technique. Complications of laparoscopy include: bladder puncture, bleeding, and even cardiac arrest after inflation of the abdomen with carbon dioxide.23In addition, some women who have undergone a tubal ligation experience a syndrome of intermittent vaginal bleeding associated with severe cramping pain in the lower abdomen.24

About 50% of men who undergo a vasectomy will develop anti-sperm antibodies.25In essence, their bodies will come to recognize their own sperm as “the enemy.” This may have far-reaching complications and could theoretically lead to a higher incidence of autoimmune disease. In addition, several studies have noted that men who undergo a vasectomy have a higher incidence of developing prostate cancer especially 15-20 years after their vasectomy26, 27, 28, 29although a recent large study did not find a link.30In addition, Giovannucci31noted that men who died from their prostate cancer had a trend of having undergone vasectomy.

Wise Options

The best option before marriage is abstinence. The obvious benefits include greater self-respect, freedom from the risk of venereal disease especially AIDS, as well as monetary savings and no chance of a surprise pregnancy.

Within marriage it should be noted that an openness towards having children yields specific medical benefits. Having more children reduces the risk of breast cancer, some uterine cancers, and ovarian cancer dramatically.

NFP: Natural Family Planning

Natural Family Planning is a totally natural method by which couples can manage their fertility. In NFP a woman determines when she is either fertile or infertile by observing the consistency of her cervical mucus. The WHO (World Health Organization) has performed several large-scale trials that have had a “failure rate” of between 0.3 and 3%, which is as good as any artificial form of birth control. One very large trial performed on about 20,000 Indian women showed a failure rate of less than 0.3%.32

Some obvious benefits of NFP are that it is free of cost and there is no increased risk of cancer. Couples who use NFP have a divorce rate that is less than 5%33__far lower than the national rate of about 50%.

For more information on NFP or the side effects of a particular contraceptive contact:

• The Couple to Couple League
  (513) 471-2000
  www.ccli.org
• Family of the Americas Foundation
  (800) 443-3395
  www.familyplanning.net
• Billings Ovulation Method Assn.
  (651) 699-8139
  www.Boma-usa.org
• Pope Paul VI Institute
  (402) 390-6600
  www.popepaulvi.com
• Northwest Family Services
  (503) 215-6377
  www.nwfs.org
• One More Soul NFP Center
  1846 North Main Street
  Dayton, OH 45405-3832
  (937) 279-5433
  OneMoreSoul.com

REFERENCES:

1 Faust JM. Image change for condoms. ABC News Report. [Internet E-mail]. 6/8/97.

2 Kahlenborn C. “How do the Pill and other contraceptives work?” Breast Cancer, Its Link to Abortion and the Birth Control Pill. Dayton, OH: One More Soul; 2000; 315-335.

3 Alderson Reporting Company. Transcripts of oral arguments before court on abortion case. New York Times. April 27, 1989; B12.

4 Kahlenborn C. “Breast Cancer and the Pill.” Breast Cancer, Its Link to Abortion and the Birth Control Pill. Dayton, OH: One More Soul; 2000; 29-42, 149-180.

5 Romieu I, Berlin J, et al. Oral contraceptives and breast cancer. Review and meta-Analysis. Cancer. 1990; 66: 2253-2263.

6 Allen S. et al. Human immunodeficiency virus infection in urban Rwanda. JAMA. 1991; 266: 1657-1663.

7 Simonsen et al. HIV infection among lower socioeconomic strata prostitutes in Nairobi. AIDS. 1990; 139-144.

8 Mati et al. Contraceptive use and the risk of HIV in Nairobi, Kenya. Inter. J. of Gyn. and Ob. 1995; 48: 61-67.

9 Croxatto HB, Diaz S, et al. Plasma progesterone levels during long-term treatment with levonorgestrel silastic implants. Acta Endocrinologica 1982; 101: 307-311.

10 Skegg DCG, Noonan EA, et al. Depot medroxyprogesterone acetate and breast cancer [A pooled analysis of the World Health Organization and New Zealand studies]. 1995; JAMA: 799-804.

11 Herrero et al. Injectable contraceptives and risk of invasive cervical cancer: evidence of an association. Int. J. of Cancer. 1990; 46: 5-7.

12 Ungchusak et al. Determinants of HIV infection among female commercial sex workers in northeastern Thailand: Results from a longitudinal study. J. of Ac. I. Def. Syn. and H. Retro. 1996. 12: 500-507.

13 Taylor D. Spare the Rod. The Guardian (U.K.) March 12, 1996; 11.

14 Collart D. Biochemistry & Molecular Biology. Condom failure for protection from sexual transmission of the HIV-a review of the medical literature. 5393 Whitney Ct., Stone Mountain, GA 30088.

15 Rahwan R. Chemical Contraceptives, Interceptives and Abortifacients, 1995. College of Pharmacy, Ohio State University.

16 Rowland CW., The Washington Post (letter) June 25, 1992.

17 Klonoff-Cohen HS et al. An epidemiologic study of contraception and preeclampsia. JAMA. 1989; 262: 3143-3147.

18 Faich G et al. Toxic shock syndrome and the contraceptive sponge. JAMA. 1986; 255: 216-218.

19 Jick et al. Vaginal spermicides and congenital disorders. JAMA. 1981; 245:1329-1332.

20 Ortho Pharmaceutical. Description of Paraguard. Physician Desk Reference. 1997: 1936-1939.

21 Ortho Pharmaceutical. Description of Paraguard. Physician Desk Reference. 1997: 1936-1939.

22 Gaeta TJ et al. Atypical ectopic pregnancy. Am J Emer Med. 1993; 11: 233-234.

23 Dunn HP, Unexpected Sequellae of Sterilization. International Review of Natural Family Planning, 1:4 (Winter, 1977) 318.

24 Townsend DE et al. Post-ablation-tubal sterilization syndrome. Obstet Gynecol. 1993; 82: 422-424.

25 Rosenberg et al. Vasectomy and the risk of prostate cancer. American J. of Epidemiology. 1990; 132: 1051-1055.

26 Giovannucci E et al. A prospective cohort study of vasectomy and prostate cancer in US men. JAMA. 1993; 269: 873-877.

27 Giovannucci E et al. A retrospective cohort study of vasectomy and prostate cancer in US men. JAMA. 1993; 269: 878-882.

28 Hayes RB et al. Vasectomy and prostate cancer in US Blacks and Whites. American J. of Epidemiology. 1993; 137: 263-269.

29 Rosenberg L et al. Vasectomy and the risk of prostate cancer. American J. of Epidemiology. 1990; 132: 1051-1055.

30 John EM et al. Vasectomy and prostate cancer: results from a multiethnic case-control study. JNCI. 1995; 87: 662-669.

31 Giovannucci et al. A long-term study of mortality in men who have undergone vasectomy. NEJM. 1992; 326: 1392-1398.

32 Ryder RE. “Natural Family Planning”: Effective birth control supported by the Catholic Church. BMJ. 1993; 307: 723-6.

33 Kippley JF, Kippley SK. The Art of Natural Family Planning (Fourth Edition). Couple to Couple League, Cincinnati, USA, p. 245.

Teaching Fertility Appreciation in a Pregnancy Support Center

(Part1) What follows is a presentation made by Ross & Lisa Novack at a Heartbeat International conference in the year 2000 at Columbus, Ohio. They explain why this class is a crucial part of Pregnancy Support ministry.

Good morning! Are you enjoying the conference so far? Well, my name is Ross Novack and this is Lisa, my lovely and pregnant wife, helpmate, and mother of our 20 month daughter, Emily. It’s such a great honor for us to come to speak to you today — You who are so committed to the cause of life. Lisa and I have been working with Elizabeth’s New Life Pregnancy Support Center in Dayton, Ohio, for about three years. I’m a member of its Board of Trustees, and I’m always amazed, though I shouldn’t be, at the work that God is doing there and in all pregnancy support centers. I also helped to put together our “Chastity by Choice” high school abstinence program, and I’ve been one of the program’s presenters. I’m happy to tell you that the program is having great success in getting Dayton area teens to choose and live chastity. As for Lisa, she did peer counseling before Emily was born. She is also my co-board member and my helpmate in everything. Together, we developed and now teach a class series called Fertility Appreciation at Elizabeth’s New Life Center. This is why we’re here to speak to you today.

Since becoming active in the pro-life movement, I’ve come to feel that, next to prayer, working with and supporting pregnancy support centers is the most important work we can do to save babies, help mothers, and spread the Gospel of Life. God’s response to the tragedy of legalized abortion and the hardening of people’s hearts against life and their fertility has been to raise up crisis pregnancy centers so that our hearts might be softened and we might go out to spread His good news. What a great grace it is to do this work — to be His hands, His feet, and His voice in this work of Mercy. What a great need there is out there for your services, your support, and your hope — God’s hope. The battle will only be won with God’s grace and our everyday efforts to open hearts and minds to the Truth — the Truth of the God-given dignity of the human person and the right to life for born and unborn. However, even if the laws were to change today and abortion be made illegal, there would still be a great need for pregnancy support centers. We all know, as long as there is human nature, flawed as it is by the fall, there will be crisis pregnancies. We can easily see the damage all around us of the culture of death — of contraception and abortion on demand. This is why we all entered the fight and this is why you’re here: to learn more about how to improve your centers and help women to change their lives for the better.

So, Lisa and I are here today to give you another approach or tool, so to speak, to use to preach the Gospel of Life and to influence women and men to change their minds and behavior and respect their sexuality. First, I’ll be telling you why this is the most important new class for you to start in your pregnancy support center. And then, Lisa will briefly introduce our class and tell you about the resources you might need for developing a class at your own pregnancy support center.

The Fertility Appreciation class grew out of the vision of Vivian and Steve Koob, the founders of Elizabeth’s New Life Center. We at Elizabeth’s try to be present to the needs of the women who come to us by providing peer counseling, material assistance, emotional support and friendship, spiritual guidance, education, whatever these needs may be. It is by being present to them that we reach these women with love, influencing them to choose life for their babies, supporting them in that decision, and helping them to change their lives for the better. Lisa and I have come to see this as the living application of the slogan “Love them both.” An integral part of truly loving these women as God does is telling them the TRUTH — In Love — about marriage, sexuality, and chastity — the Truth that the world does not give.

However, as those of you who have counseled these women know, the women that come to us are often not immediately inclined or prepared to hear and accept the Truth we present to them. They have been conditioned by the world’s message — the world’s call to instant gratification, pleasure above all, and casual sex without strings, and the belief that contraception is the world’s greatest invention, that children are a burden, that marriage is an archaic invention that oppresses women, and that babies can be disposed of. Sadly, their consciences have been formed in this mistaken philosophy. Some have never been taught what is right and good — not from their parents or families, not in school, and often not even in their churches. Or if they are told these things, it is by way of “Don’t do this” or “Don’t do that” without the “Why” or the reasons behind it. As a result, our counselors find that some clients have little or no basis or foundation on which they can talk to them about chastity or morality. The short counseling session a counselor may have with a client is often not enough time to lay the ground work necessary to get the client to consider chastity or secondary virginity. The fertility awareness class provides centers with another opportunity to teach these clients, lay the foundation, and encourage them to change their behavior. The class gives us more time to present our case to the clients in a way that is different from one-on-one counseling. The clients share their experiences and observations with each other, often validating in their eyes what we are trying to teach them.

In offering Fertility Appreciation classes to our clients, we are trying to give them knowledge and information to help them form their consciences and make good choices. The primary goals of our class are 1) to teach God’s plan for sex and marriage, 2) to promote chastity or secondary virginity among unmarried women, and 3) to promote Natural Family Planning and generous self-giving within marriage over artificial contraception. Really, though, its purpose and reach goes much further. We want them to realize the beauty and complexity of their fertility and the immeasurable value of their life and sexuality. We want to inform them of the physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational risks and harms of using artificial contraception. In addition, we want them to be aware of the abortifacient effects of many types of artificial contraception including the Pill, IUD, Norplant, and Depo-Provera and that if they are using them, they can have numerous chemical abortions each year without ever knowing it.

It is our responsibility to share the knowledge and Truth we’ve found. These women, and in fact all people, have the right to hear these things. They have a right to know how their bodies work, the purpose of sex, and God’s plan for sex and marriage, the harms of artificial contraception, and that Natural Family Planning exists and is highly effective and worthwhile. Armed with this Truth, they can begin to turn their lives into something good, free, and joyful.

In our class, the women learn the basics of their fertility and are introduced to the ovulation method of NFP. You may be concerned that by teaching an unmarried woman to read her fertility signs, we are giving her the tools to sin without the potential consequence of making a baby. It is literally impossible to give them the full understanding of how their bodies work without also informing them of the observable signs of when they are fertile and when they are not. However, we don’t give them this information without also teaching them about the natural law concerning their sexuality — both the moral imperatives of God’s law and the consequences of not living by God’s law concerning sex. The information presented in the class is highly unlikely to encourage them to commit adultery or fornication. Additionally, as I said before, women have the right to know how their bodies work as well as the right to know the effect contraceptive drugs and mechanical devices have on their bodies. We don’t intend the clients to use NFP as contraception. On the contrary, we hope and pray that the women who attend our classes will change their behavior for the good. In fact, spreading this Truth is so critical, because the potential for harm is so great for both women and society. In fact, the effects of withholding the Truth from people are apparent in the problems our society is facing today and our centers address on a daily basis. Our clients are unlikely to get this message anywhere else. In the “Artificial versus Natural Family Planning” video, we use in the class, Dr. Lejeune sheds light on this situation. He said, “I think the reason why NFP is not widely used by everyone is in fact because of two things: first, a man must have love for his woman, and second, he must have respect for her physiology. And it cannot be used if you have random partners or if you do not have a real conjugal law.” By conjugal law, he means an understanding and respect for God’s law for sex. Consequently, our clients are unlikely to use NFP without respecting God’s order for sexuality, which is chastity. In talking to a priest about the class, he said, “We can never be wrong about giving people information with which to make good moral choices. We are not responsible for the choices other make, but in fact we may be culpable for withholding the Truth.”

Through this class, we try to instill in the clients a sense of the wonder and gift of their fertility and of pro-creating with God in bringing forth new life into the world. Surely, these are ambitious goals, but we’re about planting seeds. Only God knows if and when these seeds will germinate and bear fruit. However, God does sometimes encourage us by letting us see the fruits of our efforts. We have had several clients tell us later that our class helped them choose chastity. We’ve also had several married clients learn and practice NFP and have been pleased with the understanding it gives them of their own bodies. Another client, after sitting through our class, confided in us that she had an appointment to get an IUD the next day, and that after listening to our presentation, she had decided not to go. We’ve been amazed how God has used this class to change lives.

Listen to Jesus— words from the Sermon on the Mount found in the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 5:

“Think not that I have come to abolish the law and the prophets; I have come not to abolish them but to fulfil them. For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.”

May you (and you and you) be called “great” in the kingdom of heaven and may a thousand thousand people embrace you and thank you in heaven for leading them to the Truth and helping them to get to heaven. May Jesus say as you enter heaven, “Well done, good and faithful servant, enter the kingdom my Father has prepared for you.”

Now, I will turn it over to Lisa who will give you a sample of what we teach in the class and introduce you to the materials that we use.

Teaching Fertility Appreciation in a Pregnancy Support Center (Part 2):

Review of the Class Outline (given by Lisa Novack)

I want to begin by making it clear that we do not actually teach NFP to our clients in this class. We do teach them the signs of fertility in their own bodies, and as Ross said, we teach them God’s plan for sex and marriage. We introduce the concepts of Natural Family Planning and talk about the benefits gained through its use. If clients are interested in learning and practicing NFP, we refer them to certified teachers. We personally have been users of the sympto-thermal method of NFP for over four years, but we teach about the ovulation method to our clients because of its simplicity. Mother Teresa and her Missionaries of Charity taught the ovulation method to the illiterate poor of Calcutta with a documented effectiveness rate of 99.6%. In the United States, both methods of NFP have 98 — 99% effectiveness rates when taught properly and used properly by highly motivated couples.

It’s not absolutely necessary to teach this class as a married couple, but we feel it benefits our clients to see a couple working together as a team and to see the loving example of a Godly man. It would be much more difficult for a man than a woman to teach the class on his own (unless he were a doctor), simply because the clients are more open to hearing this information from a woman.

When we first started working on this class we expected the clients to sort of sit there and stare blankly at us as so often happens in a classroom setting — but we’ve been pleasantly surprised again and again at how actively the clients participate in this class. They will often share their own experiences, ask questions that are relevant and usually very astute, answer questions when I ask them, and we often receive comments of amazement that they’ve never been told these things. We attribute this to the very intimate nature of the subject matter as well as the casual, comfortable, matter-of-fact way in which we try to approach it. By the way, another class that Elizabeth’s New Life Center has begun to offer to our single clients is a three part class called “Chastity by Choice,” and it goes hand in hand with this class. It has had similarly active participation, I believe, due to the intimate nature and casual approach to the material.

At this point, I’d like to go through our class with you in a slightly abbreviated form. You may find some of the material blunt or graphic but this is necessary for clarity and truth.

The class is set up in two parts, each an hour and 15 minutes, a week apart. We begin by introducing ourselves and asking the clients to introduce themselves. In the first class, we talk about how a woman’s natural fertility works and how wonderfully God has made our bodies — they are so intricate and so carefully balanced.

Ross and Lisa proceeded to give a detailed outline of their Fertility Appreciation presentations. This material is presented in greater detail earlier in this book, beginning on page 7.

Resources for Teaching Fertility Appreciation

Books:

Mercedes Arzu Wilson, Love and Family: Raising a Traditional Family in a Secular World, San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1996.

Mercedes Arzu Wilson, Love & Fertility (booklet), Dunkirk, MD: Family of the Americas Foundation, Inc., 1986, (800) 443-3395.

Mary Beth Bonacci, Real Love: Answers to Your Questions on Dating, Marriage, and the Real Meaning of Sex, Ignatius Press, 1996.

John and Sheila Kippley, The Art of Natural Family Planning, 4th edition, Cincinnati: Couple to Couple League, 1996, (800) 745-8252.

Sheila Kippley, Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing: How Natural Mothering Spaces Babies, Cincinnati: Couple to Couple League, (800) 745-8252.

Marilyn M. Shannon, Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition, 2nd edition, Cincinnati: Couple to Couple League, 1996, (800) 745-8252.

Pope Paul VI’s Encyclical Letter Humanae Vitae (Of Human Life), Boston: Pauline Books & Media, 1968 (Cleveland Center (216) 621-9427).

Pope John Paul II’s Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio (The Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World), Boston: Pauline Books & Media, 1981.

Pope John Paul II’s Encyclical Letter Evangelium Vitae (The Gospel of Life), Boston: Pauline Books & Media, 1995.

Video Tapes:

Appreciating Your Fertility (video), Dunkirk, MD: Family of the Americas Foundation, Inc., 1993.

Love & Fertility (video), Dunkirk, MD: Family of the Americas Foundation, Inc., 1989.

Natural vs. Artificial Family Planning (video), Dunkirk, MD: Family of the Americas Foundation, Inc.

Sex Has a Price Tag (video), Pam Stenzel, Creative Youth Resources / Youth for Christ, (800) 735- 3252 (available through One More Soul).

Organizations:

The following organizations have a wide variety of resources available. Most will send a free catalog upon request:

• One More Soul, 1846 N. Main St., Dayton, OH 45405, (937) 279-5433, (800) 307-7685, Fax (937) 275-3902, www.OMSoul.com e-mail: OMSoul@OMSoul.com.
• Family of the Americas, PO Box 1170, Dunkirk, MD 20754-1170, (301) 627-3346, (800) 443-3395 (orders only), Fax (301) 627-0847, www.familyplanning.net/
• Couple to Couple League International, PO Box 11184, Cincinnati, OH 45211-1184, (513) 471-2000, (800) 745-8252 (orders only), Fax (513) 557-2449, www.ccli.org.
• Heartbeat International, 7870 Olentangy River Road Suite #304, Columbus, OH 43235-1319, (614) 885-7577, (888) 550-7577, Fax (614) 885-8746, www.heartbeatinternational.org, email: support@heartbeatinternational.org.
• Real Love, Inc., 1520 West Warner Rd. Suite #106-138, Gilbert, AZ 85233, (602) 812-1194, www.reallove.com (chastity education).
• Human Life International, 4 Family Life, Front Royal, VA 22630, (540) 635-7884, (800) 549-LIFE (catalog orders only), Fax (540) 636-7363, www.hli.org, email: hli@hli.org.
• The Pope Paul VI Institute, 6901 Mercy Rd, Omaha, NE 68106, (402) 390-6600, (fertility/ infertility research & information). www.popepaulvi.com

Building The Civilization Of Love
One Life At A Time

by Vince Sacksteder

• Openness to Children
• Premarital Chastity
• Marital Faithfulness
• Natural Family Planning
• Fertility Appreciation
• Prayer: the greatest weapon of all

Openness to Children

On our Dandelion and Rose poster, by the roots of the rose are five strategies for building the Civilization of Love. They are Openness to Children, Premarital Chastity, Natural Family Planning, Marital Faithfulness, and Fertility Appreciation. The more I think about these, the more I realize that each one is a powerful tool for building the Civilization of Love. We can all do something (or lots of things) to make a difference. Openness to children is a great place to start.

First, look inside yourself. How much do you treasure children? One woman who helps at One More Soul had been using Natural Family Planning for years to postpone having another child. She and her husband finally decided to let fertility have a chance. Their child, Faith Elizabeth, is with us now. What a joy! Some of us married folk may be feeling the call to welcome another child into our family. Listen to the Spirit; this may be the perfect time! Even if you are past childbearing age, or single, there are still great opportunities to welcome children. Smile when you see a child, or wave. Coo at babies. Never let a harried mother get by without a friendly word. Actively look for opportunities to help young families. For example, a single person or childless couple could “adopt” a family (or vice versa) by helping with baby-sitting, participating in birthday celebrations, etc. This kind of practical love is the foundation of the Civilization of Love.

Second, look around you. Nearly everyone of childbearing age is pressured by our culture to contracept. That means your brothers and sisters, your nieces and nephews, and all your neighbors. There are medical doctors in my family who freely prescribe contraceptives. People simply don’t know the dreadful things contraceptives do to people’s bodies and relationships. We can help! Be alert for opportunities. Build strong relationships with those around you, and then, at the right moment, don’t be afraid to speak the truth in love. God will take care of the rest. Take every chance you get to talk about the blessings of having children. My wife and I have eleven on earth and maybe others in heaven. Believe me, I know that childcare doesn’t always feel like a blessing, but these children are our greatest joy on earth. Speaking about the blessings of children is a breath of fresh air in our dark world. It sinks into people’s souls and lifts them up. If you need ideas about what to say, our website is loaded with them, and we are here to help.

Third, look at organizations. Newspapers, churches, schools, etc., offer wonderful opportunities to spread the message of how good children are and how much trouble contraceptives cause. After all, without children, the human family disappears, and at least half the divorces in the US would never have happened without contraceptives. Whenever the newspaper runs a “news” piece about how great contraceptives are for women, write a letter telling the truth. When there is news about horrors like a young mom abandoning her infant in a dumpster, write a letter about the supreme gift that children are. Get to know teachers, school board members, etc. and get the truth into the schools. Work with your pastor to support him in getting the truth out. Do what it takes to elect government officials who will act according to the truth. Sometimes whole organizations (e.g. Knights of Columbus, Elks) can help spread the message. There are great opportunities!

The task is huge, but the good news is that there are many of us to work on it. Every one of us can make an important difference. Even better, God is on our side. We know how much He loves life. Through His grace, we can transform our world!

Premarital Chastity

by Vince & Bernadette M. Sacksteder

On our Dandelion and Rose poster, by the roots of the rose are strategies for building the Civilization of Love. They are Openness to Children, Premarital Chastity, Natural Family Planning, Marital Faithfulness, and Fertility Appreciation. In a special series of articles, we’ve been examining each one to see how we can use them to transform our world. Premarital Chastity is the basic strategy that enables all the others. Sometimes we think that chastity is just a message we preach to teenagers, but it is something each of us needs to practice every day.

Start with personal commitment. Are you determined to live a chaste life? Everything we put in our heads (movies, books and images) needs to reflect the dignity of the human person and the sacredness of sex. We can use the way we talk to reflect this dignity, avoiding jokes that trivialize or mock sex, and looking for opportunities to speak of real love. Sometimes we can’t avoid images, especially in advertising and popular media, that are inappropriate. It’s important to think of the people in these pictures as real people, not just something fun to look at. It takes a conscious effort. Ask yourself questions like, “Who is this person?” “What kind of laundry detergent do they use?” Imagine them as your sister or brother. Making these choices, over and over, joins us to the pure mind of Christ, who looked on even prostitutes with saving love.

At the same time, consider how you treat those around you. People are desperate for someone to give them the respect due to a child of God. If you’re a man, make a commitment to honor and respect the dignity of each woman you meet, no matter what she’s doing, or how she’s dressed. If you’re a woman, resolve not to manipulate the men in your life or regard them as overgrown children. Dress in a way that encourages men to see your dignity as a person, not a sex object. We need to help the men around us get to heaven more than we need to attract their attention.

If you have children, or can influence teenagers, help them choose chastity. Show them how to build healthy, chaste relationships. You could be saving them from a lifetime of pain. Research shows that children often base their sexual choices on their parents’ advice. Help your children see sex as something beautiful and good to be shared with one special person, not something cheap and casual that deserves mockery.

Honor the heroes of chastity: couples who save sex for their wedding night; single men and women who guard their purity; priests, religious, and others who are living holy celibacy. Honor those who struggle with same-sex attractions withoutgiving in to a homosexual lifestyle. Often these people feel like freaks in our sex-obsessed culture, but they are the heroes of this battle – duking it out every day where the fighting is fiercest.

We can change our culture for the better. When you see advertisements that use sex or the human body to sell products, let the advertisers know you are offended and refuse to buy the product. When networks air shows degrading sex or promoting immodesty, write the producers and let them know you don’t want this piped into your home. Note which companies advertise during those shows, stop buying their products, and tell them why. When radio DJs degrade sex, let the radio stations and their advertisers know you are not amused.

There is a great battle being fought in our schools for the hearts and minds of the next generation. Many abstinence educators are working valiantly to spread the message that chastity is the only viable choice. You can help: abstinence educators need single people to inspire teens, and married people to show that a good marriage is worth waiting for. When others promote condoms in the schools, let the schools know that condoms don’t protect against anything (even AIDS). Condoms only reduce, not eliminate the risk, and make matters worse by encouraging risky behavior. If there is no abstinence program in your area, start one. There are terrific chastity educators and organizations that can help you get started.

Our legislators also need to hear that abstinence education works when they are debating how to spend federal money, or determining how AIDS prevention funds should be used. Organizations can invite speakers about chastity and abstinence into schools and workplaces. Most abstinence programs offer adult presentations, and many work places have “brown bag lunch” speakers. Employers sometimes even pay their employees to attend “how to talk to your kids about sex” sessions. After all, better parents make better, less stressed workers.

There are endless ways to help; we just need to discern where God is calling us. There is so much to be done! The rewards are incalculable. As we make chastity real in our own lives, and help others make it real in theirs, we will see our world change. Through chastity we learn how to love as God loves. When we do, the Civilization of Love is present wherever we are.

For more information about chastity resources, or how you can help, call One More Soul, or check out the following website: www.abstinence.net

Marital Faithfulness

On our Dandelion and Rose poster, by the roots of the rose are five strategies for building the Civilization of Love. They are Openness to Children, Premarital Chastity, Natural Family Planning, Marital Faithfulness, and Fertility Appreciation. In a special series of articles in the One More Soul Update, we’ve been examining each one to see how they can be used to transform our world. Marital Faithfulness is a fundamental building block for the Civilization of Love. When marriages collapse, civilization collapses. Building healthy marriages is crucial to ensure our culture rests on a stable foundation.

Marriage, of course, starts with love. For those of us lucky enough to be married, this is the core of our lives. Every day we struggle with the littleness of our love and the great debt of honor and tenderness that we owe our spouses. Don’t turn away from this challenge – it is the lifeblood of the Civilization of Love. The love that spouses pour out to each other flows through all the community, changing things for the better. It is like oxygen in a polluted world, helping us all breathe easier. Every one of us, married or single, must support couples as they labor to build love into the community. We need to educate our hearts about the great good that abides in and comes from marital love, and show this vision to those around us.

One simple way to help those around you see this is to compliment married couples on the goodness of their marriage: “What a lovely couple you make!” Let them know the good you see in them and the hope you have for their joy. When you see a couple struggling under their load (it can be fierce), encourage them and do whatever will help. Those blessed with the single life have a special part to play in this. Single persons are the extra hearts and hands of the community. They can make all the difference when a couple is having difficulties. Once, my wife and I were so sick with the flu that we couldn’t stand up. Two neighbor families divided our five small children between them until we could get up again. Of course, they all got the flu too, but I know that God has rewarded them abundantly. We can never pay that favor back, but we try to pass it on.

People today fear marriage. They have so much experience with divorce – their parents, close relatives, even themselves –they settle for a sex partner instead of a spouse. It is hard to find hope. For many, seeing is believing. Too many have never seen a marriage really work. They need someone to show them how good a marriage can be. Only then will they believe that such a marriage can really exist. There are so many who need to be told that they can have a wholehearted relationship, not by their own power, but with the help and grace of God.

There are simple things organizations can do to help. Newspapers like to run articles about childhood sweethearts who are now celebrating their 50th or 60th anniversary. On Valentine’s Day there are sure to be articles about husbands and wives. If these publications do a good job, let them know. Send them story opportunities ahead of time, and letters to the editor later affirming how good marriage is. If publications praise adultery or fornication, challenge them. Churches can do more to honor marriages that last and the spouses who made them last. Programs could be developed for schools to expose students to couples who have had long successful marriages. There are many great possibilities here – God will show you which ones are for you to do.

It’s time to turn our world upside down – I mean right side up. Marriage has been regarded as silly, outmoded, an enemy of freedom, etc., long enough. It is time to show instead how glorious marriage can be: an awesome opportunity to share in the very love of God and make that love physically present in our world.

Natural Family Planning

On our Dandelion and Rose poster, by the roots of the rose are five strategies for building the Civilization of Love. They are Openness to Children, Premarital Chastity, Marital Faithfulness, Natural Family Planning, and Fertility Appreciation. In a special series of articles in the One More Soul Update, we’ve been examining each one to see how they can be used to transform our world. The first three operate as weapons of defense, but with the last two we go onto the offense, especially with Natural Family Planning. The fact is that when a couple chooses Natural Family Planning (NFP) they open themselves to life and love in a radical way. Everything is different after that, and better! Each of us needs to become expert with this weapon.

The biggest obstacle to NFP is ignorance. This approach to child spacing has no health risks, is more reliable than any artificial contraceptive, and is very nearly free! It strengthens marriages, raises the dignity of women, and helps self-centered couples to become open to children. Once people really understand how good NFP is, they want to use it and start reaping some of those benefits for themselves. We encourage everyone, both single and married, to learn NFP, even if they may never use it. So many of our friends, neighbors, and relations need to know about NFP. Even married couples who are open to receiving all the children God may bless them with would do well to learn NFP. If a crisis arises (they always do) it’s helpful to already have this powerful tool in your pocket. Also, you’ll be able to use it to help those who want to know what makes your family different from others.

The second biggest obstacle to NFP is fear: fear of failure, fear of an unplanned pregnancy, fear of the unknown, fear of being different, so many fears. It’s always hard to choose something so counter-cultural. The changes NFP calls for can be intimidating. Arm yourself with information – the more you really know about NFP the less intimidating it will be. Put your trust in God, and choose to trust His plan for your life. He’s the Good Shepherd who will never lead you astray. You can help others too by your example and encouragement. Pray for those who need courage, including us at One More Soul. This is a great apostolate!

There are some great organizations promoting NFP. Several are listed in the box below. Find one, plug yourself in, and start promoting NFP. Lots of Catholic dioceses have NFP offices. They can always use some encouragement and support. Newspapers, schools, churches, medical organizations, and many other associations are great channels for this good news. Pray for guidance, discern which direction to take your energy, and have at it! The possibilities here are unlimited.

In an age when the world has lost its sexual sanity, NFP seems to be a special gift from God that paves the way back. Let’s make sure we don’t let this powerful weapon lie unused.

• Billings Ovulation Method Association-USA
  (651) 699-8139
  www.Boma-usa.org
• California Association of NFP
  (877) 332-2637
  www.canfp.org
• The Couple to Couple League
  (513) 471-2000
  www.ccli.org
• Family of the Americas Foundation
  (800) 443-3395
  www.familyplanning.net
• Marquette University School of Nursing
  (414) 288-3854
  www.marquette.edu/nursing/nfp/
• Northwest Family Services
  (503) 215-6377
  www.nwfs.org
• One More Soul NFP Center
  (800) 307-7685
  onemoresoul.com
• Pope Paul VI Institute
  (402) 390-6600
  www.popepaulvi.com
• US Conference of Catholic Bishops
  (202) 541-3240
  www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/

Fertility Appreciation

On our Dandelion and Rose poster, by the roots of the rose are five strategies for building the Civilization of Love. They are Openness to Children, Premarital Chastity, Natural Family Planning, Marital Faithfulness, and Fertility Appreciation. In a special series of articles in the One More Soul Update, we’ve been examining each one to see how they can be used to transform our world. The first three operate as weapons of defense, but with the last two we go onto the offense. With Fertility Appreciation we help people, especially women, understand the great value they have because of their fertility. So many people have no concept of the great dignity they possess. Fertility, especially, has been devalued. Instead of a great gift to be treasured, our society treats fertility as at best an inconvenience, and at worst a disease which we must “cure.” It’s common to take pills, get shots, even have surgery to remove the “defect” of being fertile. This is a great tragedy, the source of much of the pain that fills our society.

Fertility Appreciation, learning to value and respect the great gift God has given us, is aimed at reversing the unfortunate effects of rejecting our fertility. A great place to start is learning to value ourselves! I am “fearfully and wonderfully made!”(Ps. 139:14) Life-breath from God flows in and out of me. I can share that life with those around us. Wonder of wonders, I can participate in the creation of another life, a life able to know and love eternally! We may look like oysters outside, but inside we are full of pearls. The more deeply we understand this truth, wrap ourselves around it, and allow it to affect the deepest part of ourselves, the more we will be able to support the parents and potential parents we come in contact with.

The people we meet and live with need help with this idea. The culture tells them “blessed are the barren,” that they should avoid parenthood like the plague and live as thoughtless children all their lives: (e.g. “the one who dies with the most toys wins”). We know the truth. Children are the SUPREME blessing of marriage. Every child is a blessing, regardless of circumstances. We can show parents that we honor them, that we are proud of them for taking on this awesome responsibility. If we have been blessed with children of our own, we can radiate the truth that they are a wonderful gift. We must think it, live it, spread it. Sure, children will try us to the depths of our souls, but that’s part of the blessing. That’s how we grow.

Organizations can especially help to spread this message. Parenting never takes place in a vacuum. Our local pregnancy support center, Elizabeth New Life Center, offers a wonderful service to their clients: a class called Fertility Appreciation* in which men and women are taught about how fertility works. They get to see what an awesome gift and challenge their fertility is. For many, this is a totally new concept. They have never heard that their fertility is a gift of incalculable value, that they themselves have great value and dignity. For many, this becomes a door into a more solid, healthy lifestyle. The success stories are awesome.

Lots of organizations can help here. News media have a great power to affirm parents, as do the schools, churches, fraternal organizations, and others. Early in our marriage, when my wife and I had only one child, we went to a small Baptist church south of town. They gave a potted lily to the youngest mother there, which was my wife. It was a small, silly thing, but it really affirmed us. It gave us a boost of strength and joy that helped us keep going. Ask the Holy Spirit for inspirations – there are so many great possibilities.

Our culture has swallowed whole the lie that fertility is a curse, and that lie has helped to drive it mad. By becoming aware ourselves of the incredible dignity God has endowed each of us with in gifting us with fertility, and by sharing that truth with others, we inject a little sanity into our world – the medicine our culture needs to heal. Sometimes it seems the world will never be sane again, but there are more and more signs that things are beginning to change. Now, more than ever, it is crucial to spread this “medicine” as far and wide as we can.

The teacher’s guide for this class is available from One More Soul. The title is Teaching Fertility Appreciation.

Prayer: the greatest weapon of all

On our Dandelion and Rose poster, by the roots of the rose are five strategies for building the Civilization of Love. They are Openness to Children, Premarital Chastity, Natural Family Planning, Marital Faithfulness, and Fertility Appreciation. In a special series of articles in the One More Soul Update we’ve been examining each one to see how they can be used to answer the cry, “What can we do!?” which rises in our hearts as we face the culture of death. The simple answer is : Lots of things, but none of them will work without prayer. “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders accomplish nothing.” (Ps. 127:1)

Some of us are expert pray-ers, others are unsure about it. Simply put, prayer means lifting our hearts and minds to God to receive His clarity of thought about what needs to be done and His strength to do it. What makes this so important in the current struggle is that none of us is wise enough to know exactly what needs to be done, and none of us is strong enough to do it by ourselves. We all need help, especially when we are going up against all the power of the world, of the devil, and of our own twisted ideas and inclinations. There is really only one source of the Civilization of Love and that is God, who is Love. Any other approach dances around the issue and wastes our time.

So, how do we pray? There are more ways of praying than anyone can count: from pondering the Scriptures in God’s presence to rosaries, from songs in a great congregation to solitary thoughts in a hermitage. There are more books of advice about prayer than anybody’s garage could hold, and most of them are pretty helpful. What matters, however, is whether our prayer does or does not draw us into the wisdom and strength of God, so that we do God’s will in love. So, whatever type of prayer you know, start now, and don’t give up.

Remember that the purpose of prayer is not to change God, but to change us. You know that prayer is doing its job when you notice yourself thinking the thoughts God would think and doing things God would do. The goal here is for each one of us to work hand in-glove with God. With that kind of a setup, we can’t lose!

Ways to get started praying:

Get up a few minutes earlier in the morning, and spend the extra time with God. Tell Him about your life: your hopes, plans, struggles. Listen for His response – it may be hard to hear at first, but the more you listen the more you’ll learn to recognize His voice.

Read the Bible – a little bit each day. Try to apply what you’ve read to your own life.

Play praise and worship music, or other Christian music, while you’re driving your car. Sing along, and lift your heart up to God through the music. If you don’t drive, listen to the music on headphones.

Every time you pass an abortion clinic, Planned Parenthood office, pornography store, or other place where people are led astray, say a short prayer for the conversion of everyone connected with that place.

Set your watch to go off at a certain time. When it does, stop wherever you are and say a simple prayer for all those who are suffering because of the sexual confusion in our culture.

One More Soul: educating people about the blessings of children and the harms of contraception.

Given November 11, 1995 at all weekend Masses at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church, Wharton, Texas

Joe Begins Speaking

Good morning. Let me begin by saying that this is the hardest thing we have ever had to do – certainly for me and also, I think, for us as a married couple. Please don’t think that we, at our young age, after just a couple years of marriage, think we have a lot to teach all of you. Almost every couple here could teach us a great deal about marriage, and a great deal more about life.

We’re not here to speak so much about what we know as about what the Church knows – this Church which has conducted literally millions of marriages in the last 2,000 years, this church which has shared in the struggles of married couples all those years.

We are here to talk about contraception. Its morality. Its effects. And what the church teaches.

Let us begin by looking back thirty years at the promises which were made to us by the promoters of contraception. Contraception was supposed to be the answer to many problems.

First to the problems of marriage.

They said contraception would take the pressures off. They said it would eliminate financial worries. They said it would allow couples to focus more on their mutual love.

Secondly, contraception was supposed to solve problems about sex.

They told us it would allow freer sex. They said it would allow women to have sex without worrying so much about the consequences. We were told it would make sex a more loving act.

Finally, we were promised it would help families.

Children would be planned and, thus, more loved. Smaller families could give more attention to kids. Happier, less worried parents would give a more loving home to those children

Those were the promises made. But let’s look at how those promises meet up with what has happened. Did it really have these results? Let’s take another look.

Regarding marriage,

Are marriages less pressurized today? Have divorces decreased or increased? Is adultery more or less common? Do husbands respect their wives more or less?

And what about sex?

Is married sex better today? Do women feel less used or more? Do men feel like loving husbands or do they sometimes feel like sex-crazed animals? Is sex more loving, or is it sometimes more selfish? And are all those terrible health risks for women on birth control worth it?

Finally, what about the family?

Are families stronger today? Are children more wanted and better taken care of? Is contraception reducing teenage sex? And, are the kids learning about love at home, or somewhere else?

Let’s admit some truths. Here are the facts. These are not opinions, they are facts on which I think we can probably agree. Our society loves sex, but doesn’t know anything about love. Women have been turned into objects for men’s pleasures. Men are told you’re not normal if you don’t want sex all the time. The divorce rate is over 50% during the first five years of marriage. There are over 1.5 million abortions each year, and the majority of women say they had one because their contraception failed. Families are being destroyed all over our country. Children are not learning how to love from mom and dad anymore, but are learning a strange sort of love everywhere else. Teenage pregnancy is skyrocketing. Our kids are in terrible trouble. Here’s a fact that your doctor probably hasn’t told you: In the United States alone, over 1000 women die yearly from the serious side effects of the pill. That’s just from the heart attacks, strokes and embolisms that are directly tied to using the pill. And, finally, and most disturbingly, if you use the pill, an IUD, Norplant, or Depo-Provera over a long period of time, you are likely to be causing your body to abort your newly conceived child as your means of birth control. In the case of the pill it may be once every 5 years, in the others it may be several abortions per year. This means that there are as many as 13 million babies being killed every year in the US from supposed contraceptives. That’s 8 1/2 times as many abortions as from surgical abortions. That means we may have killed as many babies in the US from abortion in the last 20 years as the entire population of the US.

My wife and I are here today to ask:

Is this all worth it?

Is this what we were promised? Because, I think if this were a used car or a piece of clothing or a new appliance, we would take it back and ask for a refund. We’ve been sold a bill of goods. We have been lied to. We haven’t gotten any of what was promised. You see, the Catholic Church predicted all of this thirty years ago, but we didn’t listen. Pope Paul VI wrote a famous letter to priests and doctors and to us in 1968. We probably never heard about that letter, but he said all of this would happen. He offered a better way, but no one heard. No one listened.

I think we were let down. I want to make an apology for all those people who failed us. For the bishops and priests who remained silent because of their lack of knowledge or lack of courage, for their fear of being rejected by us if they spoke the truth with faith, I apologize And, for the Doctors, who made lots of money selling the drugs and devices and turning around and treating the bad side effects, I apologize. And, finally for the media, the TV and Hollywood, who wanted love without consequences, and made us deal with the consequences, I apologize. All of them were wrong. They hurt us, but now we can make a change.

It’s important to say that sex is a good thing. It is a very good and holy thing. The Catholic Church has always said that. It is the way in marriage that men and women physically express their love for each other. It’s supposed to bring them closer. It’s supposed to deepen their love. It’s not meant to be used before marriage. It’s not meant to lead to abortions. It’s not supposed to cause cancer or aids or gonorrhea. It’s not supposed to cause heart attacks or strokes. It was made a wonderful act of love by God. We are the one’s who have turned it into all this. We have made it something cheap and terrible. Every form of contraception has side effects. Many of those side effects are very dangerous, and almost always to women, almost never to men. God didn’t intend sex to be like that.

We have been told that you have to take these risks if you want a smaller family. We have been taught that this is just the only way, but that’s just not true. Let me tell you about the alternative, a wonderful alternative.

It’s called Natural Family Planning.

There are no drugs, no devices, no creams, or jellies There are no bad side effects – no cancer, no vomiting, no pain, no heart attacks or strokes. Best of all, it is more effective than even the most effective contraception and it is FREE. It costs nothing to use.

Let me repeat: IT IS MORE EFFECTIVE THAN ANY FORM OF CONTRACEPTION. ANY FORM.

You see, that’s because it is based on the truth about our bodies. It’s all based on knowledge. God gave us these bodies and the fact is they are really neat! He gave us the ability to pinpoint, and I mean exactly, pinpoint, down to the exact day, when a woman can have a baby and he also gave every woman a special time each month when it is impossible and again I mean impossible, for her to have a baby no matter how often she tries. That is the real truth about how God made us. It’s all because he loves us. You see, he knew that we would have financial problems and we would have pressures. He wanted us to love with sex the right way, not the selfish way, but he wanted it to be fairly easy. All because he loves us. So he designed us a certain way, and doctors discovered all about it.

I wish I had time to explain it all to you exactly, but I don’t. It will take just a little explanation and a little practice, and it can be done God’s way. We just have to learn to look for some simple signs and we can plan to have a baby or not to have a baby. It all involves just a little self-control. Usually that means abstaining from sex about seven to ten days a month if you want to avoid a baby. If your math is any good, you understand that means the other 20 to 23 days no abstinence is required. None.

Natural Family Planning is used with great success all over the world. It is used in India with the poorest families who can’t even read. It is used in Africa with ancient tribes. It is used in Central America by poor campesinos. And it is taught here in the United States to rich and poor, educated and uneducated. It is used worldwide by millions of couples. If you think that this a personal matter – If you think this is just not anyone’s business, but your own – If you think that everyone uses contraception, it’s just not true. Natural Family Planning is something you need. It will deepen your love, it will strengthen your marriage, and it will keep you true to the Church’s teaching.

Elsy begins speaking

You may be listening to what has been said and asking yourself “Why should I do this?” Maybe the question you should be asking yourself is “Why shouldn’t I do this?” You have nothing to lose and everything to gain

I can only offer you my perspective as a woman, wife, and mother.

I think women have been most cheated by contraception even though it was intended to help them most. Society has shifted all of the burden and responsibility onto women for planning their families and even worse, women are asked to take all of the health risks that come with using the different contraception methods. Women are asked to swallow the pills, take the shots, and use the devices. We as a society do not respect women. If we truly valued and cared about women as mothers, wives, as workers and as professionals we would not ask them to carry this burden alone and accept all of these health risks. Contraception has reduced women to sex objects for their husbands. Contraception is much more about sex than love.

Women are asked to make all of the sacrifices, carry all of the burdens, and take all of the risks while men are the ones that benefit. When contraception fails, and a pregnancy occurs men can walk away and leave the woman to take complete responsibility for that child even though he helped create that child as much as the woman did. In our country today, we are seeing men bring children into the world before and even after marriage and then walk away from them without even the blink of an eye. Sex in marriage should not exist for the benefit and pleasure of one person only, but in many marriages sex is either nonexistent or just something that women do for their husbands.

When sex in marriage becomes totally selfish and for the benefit of only one person, it is not an act of love anymore. And contraception has helped to create this. There is so much more to have. Love is so much greater than any of us. If we can learn to love God’s way, that love is so much more satisfying.

My husband and I took our Natural Family Planning classes from a couple who had been married for twenty-five years. For the first 10 years, they used birth control pills. The woman was Catholic, but her husband was not, and even though she knew it was wrong, she was afraid that it would cause problems in her marriage if she insisted that they not use contraception. After ten years, their marriage had fallen into a rut. They had problems and found sex unsatisfying and meaningless. They had just gotten used to living together and finding a way to get along. Finally, a Lutheran minister introduced Natural Family Planning to them, and they decided they had nothing to lose so they took a chance and tried it.

Their marriage underwent a renewal and fifteen years later they now teach Natural Family Planning to others because it has become such an important part of their own life.

Many people feel that the Church is just asking too much and being unreasonable. But the couples who practice Natural Family Planning would say that it is not a burden at all. In fact, of the women who have made the change from using contraception to practicing Natural Family Planning, many describe Natural Family Planning as less constricting and more freeing than contraception.

Natural Family Planning can take your marriage to a new level because it is based on mutual respect and love for one another. It is a responsibility that men and women must share. Every woman has the right to ask her husband to share in the responsibility of planning their family. Contraception allows a man to say to a woman, a husband to say to his wife, “I love you, but the thing that makes you uniquely a woman — the incredible and awesome ability to carry and give birth to a child—that part of you I don’t want. I am willing to have sex with you but only if you can’t get pregnant. You are the one that can have children, so you take care of this.”

Sex should make women feel more loved by their husbands and should lead women to love their husbands more deeply. Natural Family Planning does this because it is based on truth and involves both men and women in the most intimate expression of love in their marriage.

The Catholic Church and married couples have been deeply wounded by the selfish mentality contraception has fostered. My husband and I have nothing to gain from teaching this, but the fact is the doctors and drug companies have gained much monetarily from pushing birth control.

In order to accept this teaching of the Church, we must accept that the Catholic Church is wiser than we are. We can never go wrong in following its teaching and Christ will never lead us astray when we are being faithful to His Church because the Church is divine and we are only human.

Joe continues

We men need Natural Family Planning, too. We need self-control. This society has taught us that all that matters is sex. That instinct in us has been turned into something awful. We are out of control.

Men are usually much more interested in sex. That is the way we are made. It can be easy to take our passions and force them on women. Contraception has given us an excuse and made it even easier. It has told us that we can have sex wherever we want, whenever we want, with whomever we want. It has turned us into beasts. Just look around at our society.

Men cheat on their wives today more than ever before in the US. Pornography is so very common. Every night men can go to Houston and Victoria and find a lot of places where they can stare at naked women. Young boys are having sex more than ever and younger than ever. Prostitution is at an all-time high even though AIDS is killing people. We are out of control and, worst of all, our children are learning all of this stuff from us. We need to change this.

NFP means we learn about our fertility. It means we learn about our wives’ fertility. It means we learn to respect both. If we want to have a child it shows how. If we must avoid a child, we learn how. We have sex freely and lovingly sometimes and we learn to control ourselves and express love other ways in other times. In short we learn to respect women and this is a lesson we need to learn. We learn how to love the right way. Your wife needs NFP. She needs you. You need NFP. You need it in your marriage now.

Let me finish by making one last explanation of all this. The Church has taught for 2,000 years that contraception is wrong. This is not a new teaching. Technology has just made contraception easier and made this teaching more important. This teaching will not and cannot change. The Church has also taught for 2000 years that sex is very good. Very, very, very, very good. Sex is an act of love with the potential to give life. We need to learn about that potential and respect it. We have no right to tamper with or change that potential. Only God may have control over that life-giving power. Sex must be loving. It’s power to give life may not be changed, not with chemicals, or devices, or surgery. We have to learn how this system of God’s works and we must work within His rules.

If we play by those rules, we will be blessed; but if we break those rules bad things will happen. This is true in all of God’s creation. When you break the rules, you pay.

The fact is that many of us have broken the rules

We got our tubes tied. We had a vasectomy. We used the pill. We used condoms. We used an IUD. We used a diaphragm. We got Norplant. We got a depo shot.

No matter when we did it, or how many times we did it, no matter for how long we did it, or for what reasons we did it, the fact is that we did do it.

It is painful to admit this, but God loves us. God is waiting for us to ask His forgiveness in the sacrament of reconciliation. He wants us to try again. His mercy is great and his forgiveness is never refused to those who repent.

Finally, let me end with the words of our Lord; I believe these are the most joyful words of the Gospel: “Remember that there is more rejoicing in heaven over 1 repentant sinner than 99 who have no need to repent.”

In the concluding chapter of Dr. Kahlenborns book, he summarizes his conclusions and provides recommendations for action. The substance of that chapter is presented here, modified slightly to improve readability as a separate article.

Conclusions

Breast cancer is the worldwide leading cancer for women and is the most common cause of cancer death for U.S. women age 20-59. In the U.S. about 175,000 women are diagnosed with breast cancer annually and more than 43,000 women die from this cause. Both induced abortion and oral contraceptive use, especially at a young age, increase a womans risk for developing breast cancer. The U.S. has one of the highest rates of induced abortion and oral contraceptive use in the world, especially in young women. The breast cancer risks from abortion and hormonal contraceptive use act independently of each other. They also reinforce each other and have a cumulative effect if combined with other risk factors such as a family history of breast cancer, nulliparity (never having given birth), late menopause, early menarche (early onset of menses), greater age at first birth, a previous occurrence of breast cancer, etc. The breast cancer rate in the U.S. is rising, and these factors may result in higher increases as the latent period (the time it takes for cancer to develop after exposure to a risk factor) for these women is completed. Calculations based on the available studies indicate that induced abortion may result in over 46,800 additional cases of breast cancer in the U.S. annually, with even more cases added due to hormonal contraceptive use.

Black Women

Breast cancer in the U.S. is more prevalent in young black women than in white women of equivalent age, and is the second leading cause of cancer death (after lung cancer) among black women. This may be a consequence of more extensive hormonal contraceptive use (eg, Depo-Provera) and/or a greater prevalence of abortion among young black women. Black women who develop breast cancer generally have more aggressive cancers resulting in a reduced life expectancy.

Abortion

When research studies on a particular topic are assembled into one set of conclusions, the product is called a “meta-analysis.” The most meticulous and comprehensive meta-analysis to date on the relation of breast cancer to induced abortion was done by Joel Brind, PhD, in 1996 [1]. Brind concluded that women who have an abortion prior to their first full-term pregnancy have a 50% increased risk of developing breast cancer, while those who have an abortion after their first full-term pregnancy have a 30% increased risk.

Janet Daling noted in 1994 [2] that women younger than 18 who had an abortion experienced a 150% increased risk of developing breast cancer. This risk increased to 800% if a woman had her abortion between the 9th and 24th week of pregnancy.

Comparing the maternal mortality risk of childbirth to that from abortion, when proper weight is given to the increased risk of breast cancer and suicide due to abortion, and the decreased risk of ovarian cancer with full-term pregnancy, abortion is many times more hazardous to the mother in the long-run than carrying a child to term.

Family History of Breast Cancer

Women who have a family history of breast cancer and choose to have an abortion are at very high risk of developing breast cancer. Andrieu et al (1994) [3] found that women who have a family history of breast cancer and who had two or more induced abortions have a 600% increased risk of breast cancer as compared to the rest of the population. Daling et al (1994) [2] noted that women who had an abortion prior to age 18 and had a positive family history of breast cancer had an infinitely increased risk of developing breast cancer compared to young women

who had a family history of breast cancer and had not had an abortion. She also noted that women who were 30 or older at the time of their abortion and had breast cancer in their family history had a 270% increased risk.

Birth Control Pill

If a woman takes the oral contraceptive pill before her first child is born, she suffers at least a 40% increased risk of developing breast cancer. If she takes oral contraceptive pills for four years or more prior to her first baby, she suffers at least a 72% increased risk according to the meta-analysis by Romieu (1990) [4].

Women who took oral contraceptive pills early in their lives and who develop breast cancer generally develop more aggressive breast cancer and have a poorer prognosis.

Available studies of women who used DMPA (Depo-Provera) show a 190% increased risk of breast cancer in women who used it for 2 or more years prior to age 25. Young black women in the U.S. are at higher risk of breast cancer since they use Depo-Provera more frequently than white women.

Other Cancers

Oral contraceptive pills decrease the risk of uterine and ovarian cancer, but increase the risk of breast, cervical and liver cancer. It is estimated that an additional 40,000 to 80,000 cases of cancer will occur in the U.S. annually when the cumulative effect of oral contraceptives on all cancers is considered.

A summary of studies examining the effect of oral contraceptives on invasive cervical cancer shows the following increased risks: for any use (30%); long-term use (62%); use before age 25 (65%); use before age 20 (80%).

Preventive Factors

Of the many identified risks of breast cancer, several are controllable by behavior: hormone exposure (including hormonal contraceptives), abortion, number of births, age at first childbirth, length of breastfeeding, degree of alcohol use, obesity and radiation exposure.

Natural Family Planning (NFP) methods are available which use no chemicals or surgery and cause no increase in breast cancer risk. Not to be confused with the “rhythm method,” NFP is based on observations of a womans cervical mucus and (for some methods) other signs as well. One of the largest research studies of NFP (involving 19,843 women and performed in India by the World Health Organization) showed a pregnancy rate of 0.2 pregnancies per 100 women yearly. [5]

Natural Family Planning methods have been used to diagnose and treat a variety of female reproductive system disorders including infertility. Various medical problems (eg. excessive menstrual cramping and bleeding) can be treated far more safely with less toxic means (eg. magnesium/calcium supplements and/or ibuprofen products).

Natural family planning information is available from a number of national organizations:

The Couple to Couple League 1-513-471-2000

Pope Paul VI Institute 1-402-390-6600

Family of the Americas 1-800-443-3395

Billings Ovulation Method Association 1-888-637-6371

The Augustine Foundation 1-877-554-4637

NW Family Services 1-503-215-6377

National Conference of Catholic Bishops 1-202-541-3240

One More Soul 1-800-307-7685

How Risk Factors are Combined

Women who have had an induced abortion and also use oral contraceptives have a “multiplied risk” of developing breast cancer. For example, Daling [2] noted that women who have an induced abortion prior to age 18 have a 150% increased risk of developing breast cancer, while Romieu et al [4] noted that women who use oral contraceptives for 4 or more years prior to their first full-term birth have a 72% increased risk. According to the multiplier effect, women who are in both of these categories would have a relative risk of 2.5 x 1.72 = 4.3. This represents a 330% increased risk, meaning that women who use the birth control pill for at least 4 years before first birth and who also have an abortion before age 18 have a 330% increased risk of developing breast cancer some time in their lives. Thousands of women meet these criteria.

Recommendations

A major educational effort is needed to raise awareness in physicians, pharmacists, nurses, attorneys and especially the general public regarding controllable risk factors for breast cancer: avoidance of factors which increase risk as well as use of factors which reduce risk. Women must be informed of the risks of both hormonal contraceptives and induced abortion especially when they have additional risk factors such as a family history of breast cancer, being less than 18 years of age, or being a black woman.

Women need to be taught natural family planning methods, none of which increases cancer risk. Women must be informed of practices that reduce breast cancer risk such as long-term breastfeeding, bearing a child at a young age, and bearing more than one child. The use of Vitamin A may be of benefit, though this should be avoided by women who could become pregnant as it may (rarely) cause birth defects.

Women with Identified Breast Cancer Risks

Women who have had induced abortions and/or used oral contraceptive pills, especially at an early age, need lifelong physician monitoring. They (and all women) should consistently perform self-breast exams. They should also seriously consider protective strategies such as extended breastfeeding and/or use of vitamin A. Tamoxifen and drugs similar to it have been found to decrease the risk of breast cancer in certain groups of women. Reports by the Eli Lilly company stated that Evista (raloxifene), an artificial hormone given to some postmenopausal women to prevent osteoporosis, may reduce breast cancer risk (Company Press Release, Eli Lilly, 12/11/98). Neither drug should be given to pre- or peri-menopausal women who might conceive. Additional exposure to risk factors such as repeat abortion or additional hormone (eg, contraceptive) use should be avoided.

Women with Breast Cancer

Women who already have breast cancer should be treated with the appropriate combination of surgery and/or radiation and/or chemotherapy and/or hormonal therapy. They should ask their

physicians about the effectiveness of vitamin A, and should be encouraged to ask about new treatments such as “virus infecting tumor cells,” which are currently being studied, as well as new medicines which target specific proteins or genes that a breast cancer cell may produce (eg, the drug Herceptin). Herceptin has been used to treat a type of breast cancer known as HER-2/neu, which is more common in women who have used oral contraceptive pills at an early age (Ranstam, 1992) [6].

Pregnancy and Breast Cancer

If a woman with breast cancer is pregnant, the baby should not be aborted as abortion markedly reduces the mothers life expectancy (Clarck and Chua, 1989) [7].

Public Policy

Breast cancer and other medical problems caused by hormonal contraceptives and/or induced abortion represent a serious and growing health problem. The government, health professionals as a body and the research establishment have not responded well to this situation in which millions of lives are at stake. It is critical that the responsible parties address this pressing crisis. Eventually public opinion and/or court action will make this unavoidable.

Current U.S. domestic and foreign policy which promotes hormonal contraceptive use and induced abortion must be reversed in light of the drastic effects these risks have on the lives of women. The long-term effects of each risk factor have likely not yet been realized since the full latent period has not passed for many women. As the health consequences of hormonal contraceptive use and induced abortion become evident to the citizens of the affected countries, the good will of the major promoters will be questioned and their credibility undermined. It is time for a major reassessment and restructuring of our policy on these matters. An apology to the affected countries and their people is also long overdue.

Individual Women

Because the government, the media, the medical establishment, and the research community have failed to educate women about these health risks, it is necessary for individual women to inform themselves of the risks. It is possible that women can curtail or even reverse the epidemic of breast cancer that currently threatens them by avoiding the hazardous risks of induced abortion and hormonal contraception and by instead adopting positive strategies which lower breast cancer risk. Although this would involve a definite cultural shift, there is little doubt that thousands of lives would be saved in the long run.

References

Dr. Chris Kahlenborn is an internist in private practice in Altoona, PA. Dr. Kahlenborn is the author of Breast Cancer, Its Link to Abortion and the Birth Control Pill upon which this booklet is based.

is available from One More Soul for a suggested donation of $11.95 for the soft cover edition and $25 for the hardback.

Permission is granted to copy and distribute this One More Soul booklet without alteration.

Copyright 1998 Ruth D. Lasseter. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from One More Soul, (1846 N Main Street, Dayton, OH 45405) except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews.

Three old friends, middle-aged mothers all, are having lunch together. Nancy is a Methodist minister; the other, Mary Ann, is Catholic and a pro-life executive; the third is myself, a convert to Catholicism and freelance writer. The subject of contraception comes up.

“Why can’t you Catholics just do it the sensible way,” says Nancy in a good-natured crack.

“It may look sensible to you, Nancy, but you know the facts as well as I do: the society that accepts contraception inevitably comes to accept abortion, too.” states Mary Ann.

As for me, like the tar baby, I ain’t sayin’ nuthin’. I listen to my two friends argue, their kind faces rigid and defensive now, and I am silent because I feel the “tar” of my own sins. I once thought, like Nancy, that artificial contraception was sensible. But Mary Ann is right; a contracepting society becomes a society that sanctions abortion and euthanasia, as experience and research have shown. My friends are deadlocked within these two irreconcilable attitudes toward unnatural contraception: Is it sensible? Or is it a preliminary to genocide, or at least infanticide? The Catholic Church recognizes that there can be no resolution and no compromise between the two attitudes, as incompatible as oil and water.

… the difference, both anthropological and moral, between contraception and recourse to the rhythm of the cycle … is a difference which is much wider and deeper than is usually thought, one which involves in the final analysis two irreconcilable concepts of the human person and of human sexuality.

(Familiaris Consortio, section 32, p. 30)

Nancy, Mary Ann, and I are pro-life and pro-family Christian women; we are educated, responsible, and experienced. We have a host of subjects to discuss and many things in common. Yet we cannot discuss contraceptives. It isn’t just that birth control is a tacky and taboo subject. Like all proper women have always done, we might (and do) freely talk about other equally tacky and private matters – labor and childbirth and nursing, child rearing (up to puberty, at least), piles and constipation, indigestion and canker sores, crime and pornography. But not contraception. It divides friends and ruins lunches. To Nancy, the method of Natural Family Planning seems so unsensible, so unnecessary; it seems like the Amish using candlelight instead of electricity. To Mary Ann, the means are everything, since as she says, “they may lead to other ends than those intended or desired.”

What’s going on here? There’s more than personal preference for an archaic technology, more than candlelight and electricity, that causes friends to fall silent and defensive. We don’t talk about, don’t ask about, don’t discuss contraception. Easier just to swallow a pill, have our husbands put on sheaths, or have ourselves “fixed.”

Why can’t we talk about it? Are we too ashamed and hurt to do so? Too tarred? We women have submitted our female sexuality’s cyclic nature to the constant male sex drive of our husbands. Are we ashamed to have made ourselves always available to our spouses, from the very beginning of marriage beyond our menopause? Ashamed to admit that we sophisticated and independent women have followed the Old Wives’ Tale that a woman MUST be available for her man? Why do we not ask ourselves, if not other women, why we should feel ashamed and exploited in having done so? Are we afraid that the answer just might be another Old Wives Tale: that a man will leave her for another, more accommodating woman, if she doesn’t “turn on the heat.” Or that he might find her boring if they have to talk only and not work out their tensions in the bedroom. Most self-respecting women won’t admit to themselves or anyone else that they, too, share petty jealousy, suspicion, resentment, and even secret sympathy with the radical feminists, whose politics and tactics are deplorable. Yet, we should talk, for the answer is none of these phantoms. It is true that women who contracept do feel exploited by their husbands; husbands who resort to condoms feel resentment towards their wives’ fertility. Here is another social rift; husbands and wives don’t talk about contraceptives, either. As our own beloved children grow into puberty, we who are using unnatural contraceptives cannot talk to them about sexual chastity and self-control, even in the face of AIDS and STDs and every sort of promiscuously born disease of soul and body. Even while we are told that we are free at last, we know that we are helpless; we give our children condoms and are silent about chastity; we feel heartbroken, not knowing why. The tar is on us all.

The Contraceptive Mentality

I am going to “break silence.” I have a story to tell. I want to tell this story so that other married couples may have the courage to know themselves and to begin talking again about their marriage and their love, and so come to find between them a truly Christian theology of the body. My perspective is unusual, but hardly unique; I am Protestant in heritage, Catholic by conversion. Having been connected since birth with a science and medicine-friendly family, I am quite familiar with the marvels of modern medical technology, including the whole hog of contraceptive devices, which are hardly conducive to health and well being.

Since a story is a story, it can not be a rational argument. However, my story may be useful as an example for the arguments put forth by others who have the gift of apologetics, as I do not. Janet E. Smith’s fine book, Humanae Vitae: A Generation Later, has just been published by the Catholic University of America Press; its 425 pages contain a very complete and convincing rational argument in defense of the Catholic Church’s unbroken teaching on unnatural contraception. In addition to offering a new translation of the encyclical Humanae Vitae, it is a very sensible book.

I grew up with the two great Protestant imperatives: first, the importance of the individual’s responsibility in forming a great love bond with his Creator (achieved through reading and meditating on scripture, through personal prayer, through charitable acts); second, the realization of the good of passionate, romantic love between man and woman. It would take a book to discuss the particulars of these two Protestant pillars and how they have been pulled down by the permissiveness of our age – a modern God-hating Samson. While the pillars remain standing for the Evangelical Protestants, who strongly oppose abortion, they may yet topple because of these sects’ general acceptance of contraception, a silent destroyer of just that married love and mutual respect which Protestants have so long recognized and properly praised. Yet, there are indications that at least some evangelical Protestants are beginning to rethink this issue; the January, 1992, issue of the journal First Things had a feature on this new trend.

The Catholic view is that contracepted sex is inherently sinful, an offence against God’s will for the purpose of human sexuality, and divisive of the two aspects of sacred marriage – the unitive and generative. Despite widespread civil laws (the Comstock Laws, enacted by Protestant legislatures, which were in effect until the 1930s in this country) which banned contraceptive devices, modern Protestants cannot understand all the fuss; they think it’s mere ecclesiastical and legalistic hair-splitting. An impassioned Anglican friend said to us recently, “It isn’t these silly rules over contraception that we should be quibbling about! The affirmation of LOVE is what is so needed today and you Catholics don’t seem to realize this!”

Of course, it is true that the rules, and the quibble over rules, can lead away from love and from the vision of love. However, it is not a neat set of rules that is at stake. The sacredness of marital sexuality and its place in a greater divine order is what is at stake and under attack, and divorced from that order, the loss of love, indeed.

Under the guise of helping love, artificial contraception cunningly establishes a tyrant in the marriage: the sex act declines from a reaffirming of the whole marriage covenant, true lovemaking, to joint seeking of mutual satisfaction. A subtle shift, but a decisive one, away from God and the covenant of marriage.

The well-documented symptoms attending this shift are the grist of many marriage and sexual therapy manuals; yet, the authors of such books, many of them Christian, never consider that the contraceptive devices could be causing the familiar problems. The nuptial exchange between man and woman is replaced by a woman’s sense, vague and minuscule at first, that she must be “available” to her husband; anxiety develops about “performance” and sensual attractiveness; she may begin to feel used by her spouse. The husband, in an equally subtle way, ceases to delight in his bride and begins to think of her as an object to arouse and satisfy passion. He has a vague sense that something is wrong; he feels restless and unsatisfied. If they try to talk about “what’s wrong with us?” it often draws up petty resentments. They suspect, vaguely, that “something sexual” is wrong. They may just as often conclude that “something spiritual” is wrong. A vast and foggy field, in either case. They just don’t seem able to come to an understanding over their difficulties. This couple may in every other way be moral and exemplary Christians; it has never occurred to them that artificial contraception could be destroying their marriage covenant and their love.

They may seek help for what they perceive is a sexual problem; they are encouraged, and sincerely try, to be more loving, considerate, and attentive to one another. They may pray together, but as the secrets of their innermost hearts have already been shut to each other and to God, the Lord and Giver of life, their prayer is blocked; they may develop a distaste for religion in all forms. Over all, there is a secret resentment against the other for his/her lack of … whatever it was that used to make life so good. The husband thinks: “If only she would stop this complaining and snap out of it! I’m doing the best that I can to show her that I love her, but it’s not good enough for her.” The wife thinks: “He doesn’t love me anymore. He says that he does, but he doesn’t really mean it. What can I do?” When there are children present, there is usually enough shared love for these children to keep the husband and wife in charity, but there is no doubt that eros (and caritas, reverence, and respect) between the couple is lessened or nonexistent. The last thing that such a couple will do is consider jettisoning the contraceptive device. They are likely to heed popular remedies: develop more sex appeal or get more involved in the community, or even do more things together as a family.

If a woman should have a surprise pregnancy at such a crisis as this, she is very likely to consider a secret abortion in a desperate attempt to save her husband’s love. She may seek among women (often of charismatic or even feminist or New Age persuasion) the emotional contact and spiritual fellowship which is ebbing away from the marriage. She is likely to develop a distaste for “maleness”; her own vile thoughts may shock and disgust her. For his part, the husband may begin to wonder if a little innocent flirtation with another woman could really be so harmful. He may begin to treat his wife disrespectfully (in ways other than having contraceptive sex with her). His own behavior may disturb him, so that, in order to avoid his wife, he begins to spend more time away from home. He may turn more energetically to his work and to companionship with other males. He may begin to keep an eye out for the opportunity for a sexual misadventure. At no point is either aware that the communion of their marriage is betrayed by that lie, which began as such a tiny thing, accepted with such good intentions.

This tiny thing is so very subtle and slow in its tyrannical effect and usurpation; the small denials that anything is wrong (the unspoken concerns about damage inflicted on bodily health by the contraceptive device, the increased tension in conversation and in everyday life, the uneasy sense of future trouble, the steady growth of mistrust, the general boredom with family life in general and spousal sex in particular, the secret fantasies and desires) all go unnoticed until their cumulative effect has destroyed trust and made impossible the very love that the contracepting couple so fervently hoped to preserve. Yet, for most Protestants and a majority of Catholics, artificial birth control continues to be accepted and promoted as an unquestioned good.

My Story

On June 24, 1967, Rollin and I celebrated our wedding with a traditional Anglican marriage rite and nuptial mass. The church organ was amazingly pure, and there was a professional choir to sing three J.S. Bach hymns and the beautiful music of the Anglican liturgy. Our wedding took place at the Trinity Episcopal Church, Indianapolis, which is a perfect replica of a 13th Century English church, complete with rood screen, painted roof, lych gate, and cloistered garden. On June 23, I was confirmed at that same church; only five people were present at this ceremony, Bishop Grey (a tall, elderly man, radiating the odour of Anglican sanctity), Fr. Lynch (who had given me instruction and who presided at our wedding), Rollin (who was my sponsor), and his elderly mother. The Bishop gently urged me to fight “manfully” for Christ and to give my life entirely into God’s care; he confirmed me with a light slap on my cheek. In memory, that tap, symbolic of the suffering that a Christian must endure, has become a stunning blow.

It is significant that my vow of obedience to Christ came the day before our vows of fidelity to our marriage in Christ. The vow of unconditional love and fidelity from Christ, for Christ, was immediately followed by our vows of unconditional love and fidelity for one another. Because of the immediate proximity of these rites to one another, the symbolic blow of Christian suffering and the symbolic kiss of unconditional love have flowed over the years, especially at times of crisis, from one into the other until they have become one. Suffering and sweetness are indivisible; both are essential. The adventure of faith, lived out in sacramental marriage, is one, great, mysterious union of suffering and unconditional love.

As we began our preparation for marriage, we talked with everyone we knew who could help us make a good start. One Catholic couple, very dear to us, talked of the importance of family life and warned us about the dangers of contraception; they called it “psychological infanticide.” Theirs was the only voice we heard that spoke of unnatural contraception as an evil; the encyclical Humanae Vitae was still a year away from publication. Everyone else with whom we talked looked on artificial contraception as a great medical breakthrough, a positive good, about which there could be no possible objection.

Aside from the Great New Reproductive Technology, talking about sexual matters twenty-five years ago, even with a clergyman or a doctor, was a very difficult thing to do; other than “among the girls,” people did not discuss such private matters. Nevertheless, the sexual deviations were beginning to erupt on a vast scale and we needed to know how to establish our marriage in a Christian framework; there were few resources available. We asked Fr. Lynch, the venerable clergyman who married us, to help us with this matter of artificial contraception in our upcoming marriage. He replied that artificial contraception was warranted in some cases. He went on to state, mistakenly, that Catholicism had limited the purpose of sex to procreation only, and that the Anglican tradition held that while marriage must be open to procreation “in general,” it need not be open to procreation in every act. That sounded convincing to untried postulants; we did not spot the logical flaw until years later. We know it well now. By the same formula of totality, extended into marital fidelity, need every act of sexual union necessarily be with one’s spouse? Couldn’t one affirm, by the principle of totality, that if one affirmed marriage most of the time, did one have to be faithful to marriage all of the time, every single time? The widespread infidelity, which followed closely behind the argument for totality in matters of contraception, is no accident; in fact, contraception made the concupiscence and its justification possible.

Although we did not foresee these unintended consequences in society, we were afraid of the consequences of choosing wrongly in our own marriage. We wanted to be faithful to God, to our love, and to the family we hoped to have. We were not sure what to do, and we were too shy about such matters to talk freely yet with one another. My doctor, parents, and friends (all well meaning) urged various methods and devices upon us; dire warnings were whispered about what would happen to our love if I were to get pregnant too soon. This was disheartening and very scary; Rollin was told similar well-intended lies.

In the end, we decided to listen to our Catholic friends who had warned us about the inherent evil of contraception. We decided that we would begin by giving ourselves to the will of God. We strengthened one another in faith; we reassured each other that our high and holy love would endure. We also assured ourselves that we could accept and provide for children, if they came early in our marriage. Besides all this, it was highly repugnant to us, as to any romantic couple, to carefully plan out and buy “life insurance” for every risk of life. This was an adventure! We were certain of the high quest and vocation of marriage. We told each other that we could not give allegiance to Christ and at the same time dictate the extent and terms of His grace in our lives. So, we galloped off together with very high spirits and a bit too much self-congratulation on our great undertaking.

During the first summer after our marriage, we conceived a baby, but I had a miscarriage in the first few weeks of pregnancy. The same thing happened again in the Fall, and again in the winter. My OB-GYN told us that, for one reason or another, we would probably never be able to have children. This was both disappointing and confusing; had we not eagerly given ourselves to the Lord of Life? Why were these tiny lives not carried to term? Didn’t God care about them and us as we thought? Things weren’t going our way.

Of course, we hadn’t really surrendered to the will of God. We were eager to do so, but did not know about suffering, yet; we were young and looked only for the sweetness of God’s gifts of love. We reviewed our first year of marriage, how much it meant to us and how we had come to find both love and holiness, which we never imagined possible. Finally, we came to the certainty that we were wrong to demand that God give us children. Shortly after this, we became pregnant again, and our infant son, John, was born at full-term in December 1968.

When John was born, we were blessed with a profound and awe-full experience of the holiness of life. Here was a child, a unique human being with a particular destiny in history. Where had he come from? How marvelous to have been so chosen to be his parents! This wonder, this awe, at the fact of a new life and at the certainty of his God-given origins has never lessened with ensuing births: Will, Katie, Austin, Ben, and Helen. They are all “wonderfully and mysteriously made.”

About the time of John’s birth, the contraceptive controversy was in full fury. Six months previously, Humanae Vitae had been issued and everyone was talking about it, Protestants and Catholics, alike. The document was, above all, incomprehensible. No one could believe that the “men of Rome” could be so backwards, so insensitive, so benighted as to deny this “help” to married couples. Those crazy clerics ridiculously predicted that contraception would open a Pandora’s box of most dire ills: rogue male behavior, breakup of families, irreverence for women, cheapening of sex, increased violence and rape, abortion, child abuse, and euthanasia. It’s grim to realize how fast these evils did rush into society, just as the “stupid” encyclical warned that they would.

One of the “help for new mothers” booklets that was given me at the hospital contained an advertisement for spermicidal foam. It featured a picture of a sweet young mother holding a tiny infant to her breast; the caption beneath read: “You gave him life. Now, give him yourself.” The serpent at his most eloquent! Foam was a fairly new product. Unlike the pill, it did not cause blood clots and high blood pressure; it did not interfere with the spontaneity of the sex act; it purported to prevent conception. Like Eve and her apple, I showed it to Adam and bade him eat.

When we discovered that we were pregnant and would have another baby within a year of the first, we quarreled seriously and viciously for the first time in our marriage. I had hated using the foam; it made me feel cheap. Rollin, taken unprepared, was annoyed at the prospect of another baby; he felt tricked by me.

The bitterness of this first quarrel should have alerted us to the effects of contraception on married love and trust. We did resolve, once again, to avoid using unnatural contraceptives, but were still unconvinced that Humanae Vitae was right as a universal statement for all Christians and all marriages.

A half-educated, partially committed effort at the calendar rhythm method was, most happily, unsuccessful in avoiding new pregnancies. A year and a half after our second son, William, was born, our Katie came to us. One year later, our twins, Austin and Ben, were born. Then two years later, Helen came. A great multiplication of Love!

It is a recognized trend that the older parents grow, the less they remember of unpleasantness and trials in their young families. We are no exception. Our memory of that time is of madcap joy, knee-deep in babies and toddlers, six of them, age five and under! That we were sometimes so dead tired that we could barely push through the day is remembered only vaguely. In truth, I don’t think we slept more than a few hours any night for at least seven years, and we were always worried about how we were going to support our family. We were filled with trust in one another and with a sense of purpose, and we drew strength from it; it kept us from being overwhelmed by anxiety and fatigue. There was a sense of divine protection and mystery behind everything that happened in those years.

Because we had chosen obedience to the will of God and had entrusted our fertility, as well as our souls, to one another, we knew the gift of unconditional love. This was a shared secret between us, given us by Christ, whose presence was constantly felt as a “third” in our marriage. This secret, pondered deeply in my heart and cherished in Rollin’s, took the form of enormous confidence about what we were doing. This was not pride, though pride is ever a threat in every human being, but rather a certainty born of deep reverence for and awareness of the presence of Christ’s holiness in our marriage. During this time, we thought a great deal about the revealed mysteries of Christianity; I said the rosary regularly and meditated often on Mary. Sometimes my thoughts would flow out to the Mother of God in silent, loving exchange; these meditative thoughts, really prayer-thoughts, concerned the developing child in my womb. Every event, every new life, was embraced as a prayer answered, was known to be willed, under the mercy of God.

Discouragement and Alienation

Our faith and our confidence came under very heavy siege, however, as the universities began to crumble, the judicial system to capitulate, and the Episcopal Church to succumb to radical feminism and homosexual politics. Unknown to ourselves, we were becoming desperate; we were too much alone and we were afraid of the changing world’s condition and our children’s maturation into it. Everywhere, everyday, we met relentless hammering against our faith and hostility against us for our choices. Despair! Despair! Despair pounded against our over-tired minds, weakening our resolve and eroding our sense of purpose.

In 1974, the year that Helen was born, Rollin sacrificed his tenured university position to begin studying for the ministry in the Episcopal church. The reasons for my opposition to Rollin’s decision to do this would serve as a strong warning against married clergy in the Roman Catholic Church. Briefly, I did not see how we were to continue our soul-to-soul intimacy of marriage when he, necessarily, could not confide to me concerns heard by him in the confessional and elsewhere. More important, there was no way that our domestic church could remain as important to him as the parish church was bound to become, and, sooner or later, this would surely cause great problems for me and for our children.

At this time, Rollin and I decided that six children were all we could manage for awhile. Not being able to accept any known form of birth control as moral and consistent with God’s will, and knowing the unreliability of “rhythm,” we would observe total abstinence, we decided.

At the recommendation of some Catholic friends, we sought the help of their beloved monsignor. We told our story and our intention and asked his help, advice, and prayers. He replied that abstinence was “too heroic,” and, as we were not Catholics, he did not understand why we did not just use contraception. (“Do it the sensible way,” I hear my friend Nancy echo). We tried to explain that we were seeking to be obedient to God’s will in both the procreative and unitive aspects of our marriage, but we failed to convince him or to receive any support. We observed total abstinence for many months. Then, I made a radical decision and had a sterilization operation.

What made me change my mind, our minds? Two catalysts and a single cause. First, Rollin strongly and openly opposed the Episcopal Church’s trend toward the ordination of women, the endorsement of various sexual aberrations, and the acceptance of abortion. The Episcopal bishop, a liberal fellow, would not accept him as a candidate. The bishop’s rejection was devastating to him, and I determined that he didn’t need to feel rejected by his wife, as well. This well-intended wifely solicitude was as much tainted by the serpent’s pride as was the contraceptive advertisement for spermicidal foam that I’d bought into so many years before; it was just another variation of “You gave him life, now give him yourself.” The second catalyst was the growing influence of Jungian psychology and Jungian devotees in our life. Like the contraceptive mentality, Jungianism exhibits a definite cultishness in its proud rejection of revealed Christian truth and moral authority. Behind both catalysts was a single cause: loss of faith. Under severe pressure from calamity both within and without, we abandoned our faith and trust in God and in each other.

Rollin was opposed to the ligation, but I had the so-called “Band-Aid” operation, anyway. (“It’s my body and my decision,” I had parroted). No one else opposed this surgery at all, quite the opposite, in fact. The very first effect of this, as in an abortion, was relief. That relief didn’t last long. Ensuing hormonal imbalance caused a deep, prolonged depression. In fact, as I later learned, my estrogen level dropped to a menopausal level, literally, overnight. I gained a lot of weight in a very short time, another common side effect. My mind was confused; and I was filled with irrational resentment. There was abdominal pain for months after the surgery, probably caused by the nitrous oxide gas that was used to inflate my abdomen for surgery. Periods became so heavy that twice I was hospitalized for excessive hemorrhaging, another common but seldom publicized side effect. At the age of thirty, I was forced by deteriorating health to have a hysterectomy.

Until the hysterectomy, I had secret thoughts that the tubal ligation could be reversed, if we wanted more children. (N.B.: if we wanted more children; no longer Thy Will Be Done). After this second, more radical, operation, however, it was impossible to have any more children.

Thereafter, Rollin and I seldom talked about the operation or what had led up to it. We seldom talked at all. We became very touchy about “slights”; we were impatient and sometimes rude to each other; we were often filled with self-pity. Despite a steady and comfortable income, we quarreled constantly about money. We became stressed and tense. Our fears for the children’s safety became exaggerated to the point of panic; we were terrified that we would lose one of these precious, irreplaceable lives. We lost our sense of humor and seemed to bicker over everything. He began to lose respect for me and I for him. Aversion to intimacy began to develop. Life became a horrid burden to us both, each secretly resenting and blaming the other.

While we were still firmly opposed to abortion, we were no longer “pro-life” in any greater sense. Dark and cynical, we had become anti-life at a very basic level. When we talked about sexual matters, it was with a rather wry, sometimes bawdy, humor; it was no longer approached with reverence and awe. We seldom talked about anything else but our children, the one remaining source of delight to us both. It grieved me that I’d taken this veterinary approach, done this self-mutilation, to my body; quite irrationally, I blamed and hated Rollin for it. However, everyone who knew of it praised us to the skies: clergyman, relatives, doctors, and psychologist; we had finally joined the contraceptive cult. Women who have had abortions must surely feel like this, too. Everyone else – other women, medical personnel, their lover or husband, their family, their minister (or even some priests) – will try to “be compassionate and sensitive to the needs of women” and to tell the aborted woman that what she did was okay, but she knows it was not okay. Yet, she isn’t allowed by these “sensitive” friends and family to grieve or even mention it, not ever again. Who will listen to the “silent scream” within the agonized soul of such women? There was no one there for me, for us, and this was not even an abortion.

At this time, we heard from the Catholic couple, who had talked so strongly to us before we were married about the dangers of contraception; they were not getting along and were thinking about divorce. This stunned us! Here was another couple with seven children. What had gone wrong? We snapped out of our own self-pity to try and turn them away from separation and divorce.

Our friends told us that they had decided that the whole church was wrong, that it was just a power institution imposing rules on “little people” to spoil their sexual freedom. They renounced their former convictions about the evils of unnatural contraception; they ridiculed themselves for ever having held such convictions. We were embarrassed by their rude jokes; they were insulting to each other; their language had become coarse and vulgar. Both had come to support abortion. They encouraged their children to use contraception themselves. They talked about sex as if they were talking about a tennis match. The final severance came when a newly launched affair with a female graduate student became public scandal.

We were really horrified by this; the same shoals lay dead ahead of us. The fact was that this couple had given up their faith. So had we. Like our friends, we had stopped going to church ourselves, but we had not gone so far as both to hate the church and to reject the sacraments. We had not quite despaired. We were very near despair, really in much greater danger than either of us knew at the time. We did know, however, that we had reached such a point of desolation in love that there were no more resources left to us and that we would soon be as lost as our lost friends.

Reconciliation

One night, while driving alone to the grocery, incongruously, I prayed a desperate prayer, asking God’s help and promising to do whatever I was told to do. God spoke to me then! He made it known to me that we could go no further until we ended our isolation and committed ourselves again to Christ’s Church. I considered this revelation and finally came to the conclusion that, although we would be rejected and shunned by family and friends, the Roman Catholic Church (progressive and trendy as it seemed then) was what I had to choose. I told Rollin that very night that I intended to become a Catholic. He did not seem surprised and by the next morning revealed to me that this was what he, too, wanted to do.

On the day that we were formally received, I said to Rollin that it felt like we had just gotten married, again. There was no trained choir for this nuptial; the organ was preempted by a guitarist who throbbed the strings with heavy hand; the church building was ugly, a yellow brick, auditorium-like affair; the priest’s holiness was less than exemplary. It didn’t matter at all. What mattered was our surrender to Christ and to His Church; through this surrender the restoration of our marriage could begin.

Our conversion to Catholicism brought great joy, but also great sorrow. We could hardly bear to see the American Catholic Church chasing after the very trendiness and politics that we had just left behind. Why would Catholics no longer want to say the Rosary? Why would they want to have the Stations of the Cross, and other images, removed? Why did they hate the Holy Father and the church’s teaching authority? How could they ever endorse abortion … or contraception? Why did so many Catholics seem to mistrust their own beautiful heritage?

We began to think about these questions again. We were a long way from unconditional love or trust; that had been too badly shattered to be rebuilt in a week or even years. It was being rebuilt for us, however, by Him who had always been faithful, even when we were faithless.

We admitted that we were WRONG to have done what we did in ever using artificial contraception and, above all, in having a sterilization operation; we were also WRONG to have given so much allegiance to cultish thought, to Jungianism. The former violated the unity of our marriage; the latter denied and trivialized moral absolutes. This dual admission of guilt did not make it possible to reverse a biological procedure, which had removed my womb. It did make it possible to return to holiness, to find forgiveness, and to receive healing within our souls and marriage.

Until we came to this admission of error, we had gotten in the habit of denying that anything was wrong or, at most, justifying our actions, or casting blame on other people and each other. The most difficult act of all was admitting that we were wrong. We were wrong; we had sinned; we repented of that wrong and WE WERE FORGIVEN. We could, of course, have gone on living with no such admission of guilt; how heavy and sorrowful our lives, had we chosen self-pity and perpetual justification! Once such justification and blame begin, there is no end to it or the self-pity it generates. Yet, had we not sinned, there would have been no forgiveness, no grace – O Felix Culpa! Thanks be to God!

Unconditional love and trust has been given back to us, but it did not happen right away. We agreed that it wasn’t enough to admit our faults to ourselves and to each other; we needed absolution. On our wedding anniversary, together we sought the sacrament of confession

We remember these former betrayals of love as mistakes, not to be repeated. Nothing can undo the fact that these things did happen. Yet, the memory is without bitterness and without recrimination, though not without regret. We are terribly sorry to have ever been apart from God and from each other. The most dreadful experience, the most absolute evil imaginable, is to be totally cut off from the unconditional love of God and from its vessel, the love of our spouse. We regret its having happened because we never wanted nor intended to hurt one another, nor to despair of God’s presence in our lives. On the other hand, our experience has made us acutely aware of the power of unnatural contraceptives and of cult-like thought to effect just this horror in the lives of loving spouses.

Some will no doubt say that had we not lost our faith, we would not have resorted to contraception and would not have been tempted toward any cult; no doubt this is accurate. Others may think that we were only looking for something upon which to pin the woes of an already troubled marriage and chose contraception as the goat. This is not accurate; we know the facts and have presented them faithfully. From the beginning, we were given a great love; we unintentionally betrayed that love through the deliberate choosing of an inherently evil act. It matters not that our original intentions were sincere and benevolent. Sincerity does not undo reality. Through consciously choosing unnatural contraception and through buying into Jungianism as a substitute for religion, we abandoned our faith and ushered in the unhappy consequences that followed. Those consequences are not to be underestimated, for nothing less than eternal salvation, our family’s permanence, and unconditional love is at stake.

Christian newly-weds are not faced with the same isolation that we were at the time of our marriage. Nor do they have to rely on calendar rhythm. Thanks to doctors John and Elizabeth Billings, to John and Sheila Kipply, and to the research of others, the symptoms of a woman’s fertility are known and easy to determine now, as they were not twenty-five years ago. The Couple to Couple League (P. O. Box 111184, Cincinnati, Ohio, 45211) is reliable in teaching couples how to use Natural Family Planning, which is in complete accord with the doctrines of the church and which violates no aspect of marriage, neither the unitive nor the procreative. Through fertility awareness and a few days per month of abstinence, couples can be sensible in their family planning, spontaneous in their sexual union, and true to the will of God. That will is to offer every act of marriage thoughtfully, responsibly, and prayerfully to God who sustains us and our love.

The choice of the natural rhythms involves accepting the cycle of the … woman, and thereby accepting dialogue, reciprocal respect, shared responsibility and self-control. To accept the cycle and to enter into dialogue means to recognize both the spiritual and corporal character of conjugal communion and to live personal love with its requirement of fidelity.

(Familiaris Consortio, section 32)

It is not, as our ignorant brethren assume, that a woman should have as many babies as she possibly can, no matter what her health or the family’s finances. It is that we should seek, first, the kingdom of heaven and to do no harm to others, to violate no life, no love.

We are rational creatures and are expected to use RIGHTLY our reason and our free will when approaching the holy ground of our sexuality. These brief periods of abstinence, of shared sacrifice, become times of love-making of another sort, of thanksgiving for God’s gift of each to the other, each other’s love, and the miracle of being loved.

In this context the couple comes to experience how conjugal communion is enriched with those values of tenderness and affection, which constitute the inner soul of human sexuality in its physical dimension also. In this way sexuality is respected and promoted in its truly and fully human dimension and is never “used” as an “object” that, by breaking the personal unity of soul and body, strikes at God’s creation itself at the level of the deepest interaction of nature and person.

(Familiaris Consortio, section 32)

The spousal union remains one of unconditional love between the spouses, and each carries the grace of Christ in sexuality, a grace found in a thousand daily acts of intimacy and of love to the beloved other.

“God does not ask the impossible, but by His commands, instructs you to do what you are able, to pray for what you are not able that He may help you.”

(Casti Connubii, section IV, p. 31)

In His boundless Mercy, He also forgives those who have not been able to “preserve in wedlock their chastity unspotted.” Blessedly, there can be granted a second spring, a second virginity within marriage. Through God’s forgiveness, chastity between spouses can be restored to its divine purity, its unconditional love.

We women have always held the sexual standards of society and had the responsibility for our children’s moral education. Now, we have the knowledge of our own fertility. Is it unreasonable to ask our husbands to respect this, to center relations around female sexuality instead of the male sexual drive? In doing so, would it not then be easier to teach our children to save sex for marriage and to uphold standards of chastity for them? Would not widespread knowledge and endorsement of Natural Family Planning restore respect for women and the family to its rightful place in society? Would it not strongly censure or forbid pornographic material as the vile exploitation that it is?

This “tar baby” has seen the consequences of contraceptives in her own life and marriage. I’d gladly endure the briar-patch, once again, to find the freedom and sanctity of married love that has been restored to us through familiarity with NFP. It really is the only truly sensible way of family planning.

Dear Friend,

The legacy of some men diminishes with time. With others, it grows. In a century of Popes who were good men, good teachers and good fathers in the faith, Paul VI stands out for his steadfast and humble service to the truth. Many of his writings are now classics of Catholic doctrine. None drew more controversy and criticism than Humanae Vitae, his 1968 encyclical which reaffirmed what the Church believes about the conception of new life. Looking back after 30 years, however, we can better understand the wisdom and foresight of this extraordinary man of God. In a time when the word “prophetic” has almost lost its force from misuse and overuse, today we can truly say that Paul VI was prophetic in his teachings on married love and sexuality.

My own thoughts on Paul VI’s encyclical, which follow here, are just one example of a much wider re-appreciation of Humanae Vitae now going on in faithful hearts around the world. I want to offer my thanks and friendship to everyone involved with One More Soul for kindly reprinting the pastoral letter Of Human Life and, more importantly, for the tremendous work they do, day in and day out. To all who read this booklet, may God bless you richly and fill your life with His peace.

Your brother in the Lord,

Most Reverend Charles J. Chaput, OFM Cap Archbishop of Denver

Of Human Life

A pastoral letter to the people of God of northern Colorado on the truth and meaning of married love

+ Charles J. Chaput, OFM Cap Archbishop of Denver July 22, 1998

Dear brothers and sisters in the Lord,

1.

Thirty years ago this week, Pope Paul VI issued his encyclical letter Humanae Vitae (Of Human Life), which reaffirmed the Church’s constant teaching on the regulation of births. It is certainly the most misunderstood papal intervention of this century. It was the spark which led to three decades of doubt and dissent among many Catholics, especially in the developed countries. With the passage of time, however, it has also proven prophetic. It teaches the truth. My purpose in this pastoral letter, therefore, is simple. I believe the message of Humanae Vitae is not a burden but a joy. I believe this encyclical offers a key to deeper, richer marriages. And so what I seek from the family of our local Church is not just a respectful nod toward a document which critics dismiss as irrelevant, but an active and sustained effort to study Humanae Vitae; to teach it faithfully in our parishes; and to encourage our married couples to live it.

I. The World Since 1968

2.

Sooner or later, every pastor counsels someone struggling with an addiction. Usually the problem is alcohol or drugs. And usually the scenario is the same. The addict will acknowledge the problem but claim to be powerless against it. Or, alternately, the addict will deny having any problem at all, even if the addiction is destroying his or her health and wrecking job and family. No matter how much sense the pastor makes; no matter how true and persuasive his arguments; and no matter how life-threatening the situation, the addict simply cannot understand – or cannot act on – the counsel. The addiction, like a thick pane of glass, divides the addict from anything or anyone that might help.

3.

One way to understand the history of Humanae Vitae is to examine the past three decades through this metaphor of addiction. I believe people in the developed world find this encyclical so hard to accept not because of any defect in Paul VI’s reasoning, but because of the addictions and contradictions they have inflicted upon themselves, exactly as the Holy Father warned.

4.

In presenting his encyclical, Paul VI cautioned against four main problems (HV 17) that would arise if Church teaching on the regulation of births was ignored. First, he warned that the widespread use of contraception would lead to “conjugal infidelity and the general lowering of morality.” Exactly this has happened. Few would deny that the rates of abortion, divorce, family breakdown, wife and child abuse, venereal disease, and out of wedlock births have all massively increased since the mid-1960s. Obviously, the birth control pill has not been the only factor in this unraveling. But it has played a major role. In fact, the cultural revolution since 1968, driven at least in part by transformed attitudes toward sex, would not have been possible or sustainable without easy access to reliable contraception. In this, Paul VI was right.

5.

Second, he also warned that man would lose respect for woman and “no longer [care] for her physical and psychological equilibrium,” to the point that he would consider her “as a mere instrument of selfish enjoyment, and no longer as his respected and beloved companion.” In other words, according to the Pope, contraception might be marketed as liberating for women, but the real “beneficiaries” of birth control pills and devices would be men. Three decades later, exactly as Paul VI suggested, contraception has released males – to a historically unprecedented degree – from responsibility for their sexual aggression. In the process, one of the stranger ironies of the contraception debate of the past generation has been this: Many feminists have attacked the Catholic Church for her alleged disregard of women, but the Church in Humanae Vitae identified and rejected sexual exploitation of women years before that message entered the cultural mainstream. Again, Paul VI was right.

6.

Third, the Holy Father also warned that widespread use of contraception would place a “dangerous weapon . . . in the hands of those public authorities who take no heed of moral exigencies.” As we have since discovered, eugenics didn’t disappear with Nazi racial theories in 1945. Population control policies are now an accepted part of nearly every foreign aid discussion. The massive export of contraceptives, abortion and sterilization by the developed world to developing countries – frequently as a prerequisite for aid dollars and often in direct contradiction to local moral traditions – is a thinly disguised form of population warfare and cultural re-engineering. Again, Paul VI was right.

7.

Fourth, Pope Paul warned that contraception would mislead human beings into thinking they had unlimited dominion over their own bodies, relentlessly turning the human person into the object of his or her own intrusive power. Herein lies another irony: In fleeing into the false freedom provided by contraception and abortion, an exaggerated feminism has actively colluded in women’s dehumanization. A man and a woman participate uniquely in the glory of God by their ability to co-create new life with Him. At the heart of contraception, however, is the assumption that fertility is an infection which must be attacked and controlled, exactly as antibiotics attack bacteria. In this attitude, one can also see the organic link between contraception and abortion. If fertility can be misrepresented as an infection to be attacked, so too can new life. In either case, a defining element of woman’s identity – her potential for bearing new life – is recast as a weakness requiring vigilant distrust and “treatment.” Woman becomes the object of the tools she relies on to ensure her own liberation and defense, while man takes no share of the burden. Once again, Paul VI was right.

8.

From the Holy Father’s final point, much more has flowed: In vitro fertilization, cloning, genetic manipulation, and embryo experimentation are all descendants of contraceptive technology. In fact, we have drastically and naively underestimated the effects of technology not only on external society, but on our own interior human identity. As author Neil Postman has observed, technological change is not additive but ecological. A significant new technology does not “add” something to a society; it changes everything – just as a drop of red dye does not remain discrete in a glass of water, but colors and changes every single molecule of the liquid. Contraceptive technology, precisely because of its impact on sexual intimacy, has subverted our understanding of the purpose of sexuality, fertility and marriage itself. It has detached them from the natural, organic identity of the human person and disrupted the ecology of human relationships. It has scrambled our vocabulary of love, just as pride scrambled the vocabulary of Babel.

9.

Now we deal daily with the consequences. I am writing these thoughts during a July week when, within days of each other, news media have informed us that nearly 14 percent of Coloradans are or have been involved in drug or alcohol dependency; a governor’s commission has praised marriage while simultaneously recommending steps that would subvert it in Colorado by extending parallel rights and responsibilities to persons in “committed relationships,” including same-sex relationships; and a young east coast couple have been sentenced for brutally slaying their newborn baby. According to news reports, one or both of the young unmarried parents “bashed in [the baby’s] skull while he was still alive, and then left his battered body in a Dumpster to die.” These are the headlines of a culture in serious distress. U.S. society is wracked with sexual identity and behavior dysfunctions, family collapse and a general coarsening of attitudes toward the sanctity of human life. It’s obvious to everyone but an addict: We have a problem. It’s killing us as a people. So what are we going to do about it? What I want to suggest is that if Paul VI was right about so many of the consequences deriving from contraception, it is because he was right about contraception itself. In seeking to become whole again as persons and as a people of faith, we need to begin by revisiting Humanae Vitae with open hearts. Jesus said the truth would make us free. Humanae Vitae is filled with truth. It is therefore a key to our freedom.

II. What Humanae Vitae Really Says

10.

Perhaps one of the flaws in communicating the message of Humanae Vitae over the last 30 years has been the language used in teaching it. The duties and responsibilities of married life are numerous. They’re also serious. They need to be considered carefully, and prayerfully, in advance. But few couples understand their love in terms of academic theology. Rather, they fall in love. That’s the vocabulary they use. It’s that simple and revealing. They surrender to each other. They give themselves to each other. They fall into each other in order to fully possess, and be possessed by, each other. And rightly so. In married love, God intends that spouses should find joy and delight, hope and abundant life, in and through each other – all ordered in a way which draws husband and wife, their children, and all who know them, deeper into God’s embrace.

11.

As a result, in presenting the nature of Christian marriage to a new generation, we need to articulate its fulfilling satisfactions at least as well as its duties. The Catholic attitude toward sexuality is anything but puritanical, repressive, or anti-carnal. God created the world and fashioned the human person in His own image. Therefore the body is good. In fact, it’s often been a source of great humor for me to listen incognito as people simultaneously complain about the alleged “bottled-up sexuality” of Catholic moral doctrine, and the size of many good Catholic families. (From where, one might ask, do they think the babies come?) Catholic marriage – exactly like Jesus Himself – is not about scarcity but abundance. It’s not about sterility, but rather the fruitfulness which flows from unitive, procreative love. Catholic married love always implies the possibility of new life; and because it does, it drives out loneliness and affirms the future. And because it affirms the future, it becomes a furnace of hope in a world prone to despair. In effect, Catholic marriage is attractive because it is true. It’s designed for the creatures we are: persons meant for communion. Spouses complete each other. When God joins a woman and man together in marriage, they create with Him a new wholeness; a “belonging” which is so real, so concrete, that a new life, a child, is its natural expression and seal. This is what the Church means when she teaches that Catholic married love is by its nature both unitive and procreative – not either/or.

12.

But why can’t a married couple simply choose the unitive aspect of marriage and temporarily block or even permanently prevent its procreative nature? The answer is as simple and radical as the Gospel itself. When spouses give themselves honestly and entirely to each other, as the nature of married love implies and even demands, that must include their whole selves – and the most intimate, powerful part of each person is his or her fertility. Contraception not only denies this fertility and attacks procreation; in doing so, it necessarily damages unity as well. It is the equivalent of spouses saying: “I’ll give you all I am – except my fertility; I’ll accept all you are – except your fertility.” This withholding of self inevitably works to isolate and divide the spouses, and unravel the holy friendship between them . . . maybe not immediately and overtly, but deeply, and in the long run often fatally for the marriage.

13.

This is why the Church is not against “artificial” contraception. She is against all contraception. The notion of “artificial” has nothing to do with the issue. In fact, it tends to confuse discussion by implying that the debate is about a mechanical intrusion into the body’s organic system. It is not. The Church has no problem with science appropriately intervening to heal or enhance bodily health. Rather, the Church teaches that all contraception is morally wrong; and not only wrong, but seriously wrong. The covenant which husband and wife enter at marriage requires that all intercourse remain open to the transmission of new life. This is what becoming “one flesh” implies: complete self-giving, without reservation or exception, just as Christ withheld nothing of Himself from His bride, the Church, by dying for her on the cross. Any intentional interference with the procreative nature of intercourse necessarily involves spouses’ withholding themselves from each other and from God, who is their partner in sacramental love. In effect, they steal something infinitely precious – themselves – from each other and from their Creator.

14.

And this is why natural family planning (NFP) differs not merely in style but in moral substance from contraception as a means of regulating family size. NFP is not contraception. Rather, it is a method of fertility awareness and appreciation. It is an entirely different approach to regulating birth. NFP does nothing to attack fertility, withhold the gift of oneself from one’s spouse, or block the procreative nature of intercourse. The marriage covenant requires that each act of intercourse be fully an act of self-giving, and therefore open to the possibility of new life. But when, for good reasons, a husband and wife limit their intercourse to the wife’s natural periods of infertility during a month, they are simply observing a cycle which God Himself created in the woman. They are not subverting it. And so they are living within the law of God’s love.

15.

There are, of course, many wonderful benefits to the practice of NFP. The wife preserves herself from intrusive chemicals or devices and remains true to her natural cycle. The husband shares in the planning and responsibility for NFP. Both learn a greater degree of self-mastery and a deeper respect for each other. It’s true that NFP involves sacrifices and periodic abstinence from intercourse. It can, at times, be a difficult road. But so can any serious Christian life, whether ordained, consecrated, single or married. Moreover, the experience of tens of thousands of couples has shown that, when lived prayerfully and unselfishly, NFP deepens and enriches marriage and results in greater intimacy – and greater joy. In the Old Testament, God told our first parents to be fruitful and multiply (Gn 1:28). He told us to choose life (Dt 30:19). He sent His son, Jesus, to bring us life abundantly (Jn 10:10) and to remind us that His yoke is light (Mt 11:30). I suspect, therefore, that at the heart of Catholic ambivalence toward Humanae Vitae is not a crisis of sexuality, Church authority or moral relevance, but rather a question of faith: Do we really believe in God’s goodness? The Church speaks for her Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, and believers naturally, eagerly listen. She shows married couples the path to enduring love and a culture of life. Thirty years of history record the consequences of choosing otherwise.

III. What We Need To Do

16.

I want to express my gratitude to the many couples who already live the message of Humanae Vitae in their married lives. Their fidelity to the truth sanctifies their own families and our entire community of faith. I thank in a special way those couples who teach NFP and counsel others in responsible parenthood inspired by Church teaching. Their work too often goes unnoticed or underappreciated – but they are powerful advocates for life in an age of confusion. I also want to offer my prayers and encouragement to those couples who bear the cross of infertility. In a society often bent on avoiding children, they carry the burden of yearning for children but having none. No prayers go unanswered, and all suffering given over to the Lord bears fruit in some form of new life. I encourage them to consider adoption, and I appeal to them to remember that a good end can never justify a wrong means. Whether to prevent a pregnancy or achieve one, all techniques which separate the unitive and procreative dimensions of marriage are always wrong. Procreative techniques which turn embryos into objects and mechanically substitute for the loving embrace of husband and wife violate human dignity and treat life as a product. No matter how positive their intentions, these techniques advance the dangerous tendency to reduce human life to material which can be manipulated.

17.

It’s never too late to turn our hearts back toward God. We are not powerless. We can make a difference by witnessing the truth about married love and fidelity to the culture around us. In December last year, in a pastoral letter entitled Good News of Great Joy, I spoke of the important vocation every Catholic has as an evangelizer. We are all missionaries. America in the 1990s, with its culture of disordered sexuality, broken marriages and fragmented families, urgently needs the Gospel. As Pope John Paul II writes in his apostolic exhortation On the Family (Familiaris Consortio), married couples and families have a critical role in witnessing Jesus Christ to each other and to the surrounding culture (49, 50).

18.

In that light, I ask married couples of the archdiocese to read, discuss and pray over Humanae Vitae, Familiaris Consortio and other documents of the Church which outline Catholic teaching on marriage and sexuality. Many married couples, unaware of the valuable wisdom found in these materials, have deprived themselves of a beautiful source of support for their mutual love. I especially encourage couples to examine their own consciences regarding contraception, and I ask them to remember that “conscience” is much more than a matter of personal preference. It requires us to search out and understand Church teaching, and to honestly strive to conform our hearts to it. I urge them to seek sacramental Reconciliation for the times they may have fallen into contraception. Disordered sexuality is the dominant addiction of American society in these closing years of the century. It directly or indirectly impacts us all. As a result, for many, this teaching may be a hard message to accept. But do not lose heart. Each of us is a sinner. Each of us is loved by God. No matter how often we fail, God will deliver us if we repent and ask for the grace to do His will.

19.

I ask my brother priests to examine their own pastoral practices, to ensure that they faithfully and persuasively present the Church’s teaching on these issues in all their parish work. Our people deserve the truth about human sexuality and the dignity of marriage. To accomplish this, I ask pastors to read and implement the Vademecum for Confessors Concerning Some Aspects of the Morality of Conjugal Life, and to study the Church’s teaching on marriage and family planning. I urge them to appoint parish coordinators to facilitate the presentation of Catholic teaching on married love and family planning – especially NFP. Contraception is a grave matter. Married couples need the good counsel of the Church to make right decisions. Most married Catholics welcome the guidance of their priests, and priests should never feel intimidated by their personal commitment to celibacy, or embarrassed by the teaching of the Church. To be embarrassed by Church teaching is to be embarrassed by Christ’s teaching. The pastoral experience and counsel of a priest are valuable on issues like contraception precisely because he brings new perspective to a couple and speaks for the whole Church. Moreover, the fidelity a priest shows to his own vocation strengthens married people to live their vocation more faithfully.

20.

As archbishop, I commit myself and my offices to supporting my brother priests, deacons, and their lay collaborators in presenting the whole of the Church’s teaching on married love and family planning. I owe both the clergy of our local Church and their staffs – especially the many dedicated parish catechists – much gratitude for the good work they have already accomplished in this area. It is my intention to ensure that courses on married love and family planning are available on a regular basis to more and more people of the archdiocese, and that our priests and deacons receive more extensive education in the theological and pastoral aspects of these issues. I direct, in a particular way, our Offices of Evangelization and Catechetics; Marriage and Family Life; Catholic Schools; Youth, Young Adult and Campus Ministries; and the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults to develop concrete ways to better present Church teaching on married love to our people, and to require adequate instruction in NFP as part of all marriage preparation programs in the archdiocese.

21.

Two final points. First, the issue of contraception is not peripheral, but central and serious in a Catholic’s walk with God. If knowingly and freely engaged in, contraception is a grave sin, because it distorts the essence of marriage: the self-giving love which, by its very nature, is life-giving. It breaks apart what God created to be whole: the person-uniting meaning of sex (love) and the life-giving meaning of sex (procreation). Quite apart from its cost to individual marriages, contraception has also inflicted massive damage on society at large: initially by driving a wedge between love and the procreation of children; and then between sex (i.e., recreational sex without permanent commitment) and love. Nonetheless – and this is my second point – teaching the truth should always be done with patience and compassion, as well as firmness. American society seems to swing peculiarly between Puritanism and license. The two generations – my own and my teachers’ – which once led the dissent from Paul VI’s encyclical in this country, are generations still reacting against the American Catholic rigorism of the 1950s. That rigorism, much of it a product of culture and not doctrine, has long since been demolished. But the habit of skepticism remains. In reaching these people, our task is to turn their distrust to where it belongs: toward the lies the world tells about the meaning of human sexuality, and the pathologies those lies conceal.

22.

In closing, we face an opportunity which comes only once in many decades. Thirty years ago this week, Paul VI told the truth about married love. In doing it, he triggered a struggle within the Church which continues to mark American Catholic life even today. Selective dissent from Humanae Vitae soon fueled broad dissent from Church authority and attacks on the credibility of the Church herself. The irony is that the people who dismissed Church teaching in the 1960s soon discovered that they had subverted their own ability to pass anything along to their children. The result is that the Church now must evangelize a world of their children’s children – adolescents and young adults raised in moral confusion, often unaware of their own moral heritage, who hunger for meaning, community, and love with real substance. For all its challenges, this is a tremendous new moment of possibility for the Church, and the good news is that the Church today, as in every age, has the answers to fill the God-shaped empty places in their hearts. My prayer is therefore simple: May the Lord grant us the wisdom to recognize the great treasure which resides in our teaching about married love and human sexuality, the faith, joy and perseverance to live it in our own families – and the courage which Paul VI possessed to preach it anew.

+ Charles J. Chaput, O.F.M. Cap Archbishop of Denver July 22, 1998

IV. Addendum: Some Common Questions

In the weeks following publication of his pastoral letter, Archbishop Chaput answered some common questions about family planning and related issues in his regular Denver Catholic Register column.

Yes it is. Catholics, like all people, are always obligated to follow their consciences – on birth control and every other matter. But that’s not where the problem lies. The problem lies in the formation of one’s conscience. A conscientious person seeks to do good and avoid evil. Seeing the difference between good and evil, though, can sometimes be difficult. As Pope John Paul II has said, the basic moral law is written in the human heart because we’re created in the image and likeness of God. But we bear the wounds of original sin, which garbles the message and dims our ability to judge and act according to truth.

Truth is objective. In other words, it’s real; independent of us; and exists whether we like it or not. Therefore, conscience can’t invent right and wrong. Rather, conscience is called to discover the truth of right and wrong, and then to submit personal judgments to the truth once it is found. Church teaching on the regulation of births, like all her moral teachings, is a sure guide for forming our consciences according to the truth. For we have the certainty of faith, as Vatican II reminds us, that the teachings of the Church on matters of faith and morals are “not the mere word of men, but truly the word of God” (Lumen Gentium n. 12)

Too often, we use “conscience” as a synonym for private preference; a kind of pious alibi for doing what we want or taking the easy road. We only end up hurting others and ourselves.

2.

I still don’t see the big difference between a couple using “artificial” birth control and a couple using “natural” family planning. Don’t both couples have the same intention, and isn’t this what determines morality?

It’s hard to see the difference when the emphasis is placed on “artificial” versus “natural” methods. People rightly point out that many things we use are artificial but not immoral. So it’s important to realize that the Church doesn’t oppose artificial birth control because it’s artificial. Rather, what the Church opposes is any method of birth control which is contraceptive, whether artificial devices, pills, etc., are used or not.

Contraception is the choice, by any means, to sterilize a given act of intercourse. In other words, a contracepting couple chooses to engage in intercourse and, knowing that it may result in a new life, they intentionally and willfully suppress their fertility. Herein lies a key distinction: Natural family planning (NFP) is in no way contraceptive. The choice to abstain from a fertile act of intercourse is completely different from the willful choice to sterilize a fertile act of intercourse. NFP simply accepts from God’s hand the natural cycle of infertility that He has built into the nature of woman.

Regarding the issue of intention: Yes, both couples may have the same end in mind – to avoid pregnancy. But the means to achieve their common goal are not at all alike. Take, for example, two students, each of whom intends to excel in school. Obviously that’s a very good intention. With the same goal in mind, one studies diligently. The other cheats on every test. The point is, the end doesn’t justify the means – in getting an education, in regulating births, or in anything else.

3.

I’m a priest. If I preach about what’s wrong with contraception, I’ll lose people.

Let me turn that around: If priests don’t preach the Church’s message about contraception, heaven loses people. Don’t be afraid. When Jesus preached the truth, He lost people. But, little by little, He gained even more people. Take courage in the Lord. It shouldn’t surprise us that people find this teaching hard to accept. Every Gospel-based life has things which are hard to accept. Should we stop teaching the truth because it’s difficult? Of course not. We have the joy and the responsibility before God to preach the truth lovingly in season and out of season.

The Church won’t be renewed without a renewal of family life. And the family can’t be renewed without a return to the truths taught in Humanae Vitae. Ignoring this issue can’t be an option: In the long run, its cost is too high. Therefore, we should make every effort to better understand the importance of Church teaching in this regard, and witness to it boldly and with confidence.

4. In your pastoral letter, you said that the most intimate, powerful part of each person is his or her fertility. My husband and I are unable to have children. What does this mean for us?

Many couples bear a great cross because, despite their openness to life, they’re unable to have children. But marital love is always life-giving when spouses give themselves honestly to each other, even if a child isn’t conceived. Only when husband and wife intentionally withhold their fertility, or abuse their sexuality in some other way, can we speak of a “life-less” act of intercourse.

Spouses’ self-giving in one flesh remains the most intimate, powerful and life-giving expression of their love for one another, even when nature, or some problem of nature, prevents new life from being conceived. Medical technology can sometimes correct a physical problem, allowing a child to be conceived by the loving embrace of parents. This is a proper and wonderful use of technology. However, couples should remember that, as creatures themselves, they’re not the arbiters of human life. Ultimately, no one is free to manipulate the conception of a human person. No matter how sincere a couple’s intentions, many of today’s new procreative techniques treat human life as a product which can be manufactured – and in doing so, they violate human dignity. Again, the end never justifies the means.

Children aren’t the only way a marriage can be fruitful. If God, in His design, closes one option for a couple, He will open another. Their love can find expression in adoption, foster-parenting, or dozens of forms of apostolic work. This kind of counsel, of course, is much easier to give than to willingly accept. I would never want to understate the real pain and loss felt by infertile couples. But I know, both from faith and from my friendships with married couples over the years, that if a husband and wife choose to trust God, their love will always be rewarded with fertility and new life – if not in the form of a child, then in the way they impact the world around them.

5.

Why is the Church so obsessed with sex?

You know the old saying about the pot calling the kettle black – well, here’s a great example. Questions like this one may very well be honest, but they conceal where the real obsessions lie. American society is drowning in a sea of disordered sexuality. In such circumstances, it’s hardly an “obsession” for the Church to speak clearly and forcefully about how to swim. It’s her responsibility and mission.

God created our sexuality to be a sign in the world of His own life and love, and to reveal to us that we can only fulfill ourselves by loving as He loves. When sexuality becomes distorted, however, it’s no longer able to communicate God’s life and love. Empty of true love, life lacks meaning, and people soon seem disposable. Sex becomes a pursuit of selfish gratification at the expense of others. Children are no longer welcomed as the natural fruit of married love, but are seen as a burden to be avoided. We don’t even shrink from killing (through abortion) thousands of innocent preborn lives a day in satisfying our convenience and appetites.

It’s no exaggeration, then, to say that disordered sexuality is the beginning of what Pope John Paul II calls “the culture of death.” In fact, we’ll never build a culture of life and love without first restoring the true meaning of human sexuality. If the Church is so concerned about sex, it’s because she seeks to defend the dignity of the human person, and to safeguard the true meaning of life and love which sexuality is meant to reveal.

6. How can I preach against contraception and praise the virtues of NFP? As a priest, I’m not married.

First, the truth is the truth, no matter who speaks it. Second, preaching isn’t about the preacher; it’s about the message. Third, in his promise of celibacy, a priest doesn’t forget or deny his sexuality. Instead, he dedicates it to a different – but equally fertile – kind of fruitfulness. In other words, priestly celibacy is an affirmation, not a rejection; a strength, not a weakness. It’s a “yes” to God which enables us to understand and serve our people better.

Remember that marriage, religious life, the single vocation, and the priesthood are all designed to fit together and complement each other in the life of the Church. Each needs the other. Each, in its own proper way, fulfills the fundamental human vocation to give ourselves away in love. I think we priests often underestimate how effective our pastoral counsel can be on issues like contraception. People want and need the truth, and over time, the human heart naturally responds to it. But our people can’t respond if they don’t hear the message of Humanae Vitae faithfully and persuasively from their pastors. That’s our job, and we should embrace it joyfully.

Please contact One More Soul (800) 307-7685 to receive their Resource Guide 2002 offering 200 books, videos, tapes and pamphlets for helping people understand how children are a great blessing from God and how contraception is very harmful.

Billings Ovulation Method Association

(651) 699-8139

Couple to Couple League

(800) 745-8252

Family of the Americas Foundation

(301) 627-3346

US Conference of Catholic Bishops

(202) 541-3240

Northwest Family Services

(503) 215-6377

Natural Family Planning Outreach

(405 942-4084

Pope Paul VI Institute

(404) 390-9851

St. Augustine Foundation

(877) 554-4637

Your Local parish, Catholic hospital, or diocesan NFP office

Why is contraception immoral?

Too often the discussion of the morality of contraception fragments into a specific treatment of individual devices and methods wherein the overarching theological and philosophical essence of contraception is obfuscated. We lose sight of the forest for the trees. Behind every device and method of contraception is a fundamental breach of Gods design for marital sexuality. Without this perspective, the Churchs condemnation of contraception might appear to be a knee-jerk reaction to modernity or a rejection of science and mans dominion over the material universe. The more we can recover the root of the Churchs prohibition of contraception, the more consistent and comprehensive will be our objections.

What is contraception?

In order to discuss the morality of a thing, we must first define it. Contraception, from the Latin contra (against) and conceptio (to conceive), literally means “against conception.” It may be defined as “every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible” (HV 14). Simply put, contraception is any intentional attempt to render the conjugal act infertile. Father Ronald Lawler and Dr. William May elaborate:

Contraception, as the word itself suggests, is actively aimed at preventing conception. But it is necessary to begin with a clear definition of contraception to make unmistakable the precise nature of the acts to which moral judgments about contraception are intended to apply.

In his encyclical Humanae Vitae, Paul VI gave an exact account of the nature of contraceptive actions. A contraceptive act is had in any act of coition which is intended precisely to act against the procreative good, to prevent it from being realizedThus, there are various ways in which intercourse can be contraceptive: through the use of mechanical devices (such as condoms or diaphragms), by the use of withdrawal or spermicides, by the use of anovulant pills, by surgical sterilization, and the like. Contraception is always part of a dual act, contraceptive intercourse. In this dual act of contraceptive intercourse, one chooses to engage in sexual intercourse. While choosing to have intercourse, which is known to be essentially related to the procreation of new human life, and precisely because one does not want the act of intercourse to flower the fruitfulness which it can have, one performs the contraceptive act. This act is aimed precisely against the procreative good. The coming-to-be of a new human life (which is in itself a great good, though one may perhaps very reasonably desire not to realize it here and now) is treated as an evil, something to be acted against. The precise purpose of the contraceptive act, as we shall more fully show below, is to act directly against the great human good of procreation to treat it as if here and now it was an evil, not a good.

Contraception or contraceptive intercourse therefore is not identical in meaning with birth control or family planning. Plainly there are other ways to control births and to plan ones family than by engaging in contraceptive intercourse. One can control or prevent births by means far worse than contraception by abortion, for instance. And one can plan ones family by means that are in themselves thoroughly good that is, by Natural Family Planning.1

Note that in this definition contraception is not regarded as a classification of things alone that act against conception, but that it extends to the broader consideration of action, that is, a choice or act of the will against the natural fertility of sex. Hence it is not the material artificiality of contraception, the interference of man-made devices with a God-given faculty, alone that makes it unnatural. The artificiality of contraception extends to the willful frustration of ones true end. In other words, it violates the natural law, the purpose for which man and marriage were designed:

Contrary to popular belief, the Church does not oppose artificial birth control because its artificial. She opposes it because its contraceptive. Contraception is the choice by any means to impede the procreative potential of a given act of intercourse. In other words, the contracepting couple chooses to engage in intercourse, and, foreseeing that their act may result in a new life, they intentionally and willfully suppress their fertility.2

A further point to be made is that, even if couples do not impede the procreative potential of a given act of intercourse, (i.e., even if they do not contracept), they may well be engaging in their acts of intercourse with a mentality opposed to the good of children. Such a mentality (some call it a “contraceptive mentality”) is utterly contrary to the meaning of marital love. It can develop even in a couple that practices natural means of birth regulation if the couple begins to see fertility as a disease to be avoided at all costs. While engaging in an act of intercourse with an anti-child mentality is not the moral equivalent of engaging in contracepted intercourse, it springs from the same disordered view of fertility and may result in a sort of rebellion against the goods of marriage.

In order to determine, therefore, what constitutes a violation of the procreative meaning of intercourse, we must not only ask what method is being used to regulate birth (means) but what is our intention, our motivation, our attitude toward the goods of marriage? In Humanae Vitae Pope Paul VI refers to the inseparability of the unitive and procreative meanings of intercourse. Since these two meanings of the act are truly inseparable, contraception wars against both. Contraception is a wholesale violation of the meaning of marital love. We have arrived, therefore, at an even broader understanding of the “contraceptive act”: any act of intercourse that separates or opposes the procreative and unitive goods of marital sex.3

Why is contraception wrong?

That contraception deliberately separates the unitive and procreative aspects of sex is affirmed by John Paul II in his 1994 Letter to Families:

In particular, responsible fatherhood and motherhood directly concern the moment in which a man and a woman, uniting themselves in one flesh, can become parents. This is a moment of special value both for their interpersonal relationship and for their service to life: They can become parentsfather and motherby communicating life to a new human being. The two dimensions of conjugal union, the unitive and the procreative, cannot be artificially separated without damaging the deepest truth of the conjugal act itself (12).

(a) Why are the unitive and procreative aspects of marital sex so important?

Marriage, because it is part of Gods plan to redeem and sanctify the world, has specific divinely instituted ends or goods. While secular culture may view marriage as a civil institution that is reducible to a contract, the concept of Christian marriage is founded on the mystery that marriage is a sacramental covenant communion in which two become one for the sake of their own salvation and the salvation of the world.

The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament (CCC 1601).

A definition of the unitive and procreative elements of marriage will help demonstrate the salvific power of marriage and the indissoluble relationship between the unitive and procreative aspects of the marital act. The unitive aspect of marriage can be understood as the mutual and total self-giving of spouses to each others salvation. The procreative aspect is the participation of the spouses in the creation of new life. The mutual commitment to salvation that characterizes the unitive aspect overflows to another person: the child. Love, by its nature grows; it never suppresses a good. Love is complete giving. Because it delights in the good of another, it is generous and unreserved.

The marital act is the visible sign of this overflowing of love. It visibly encapsulates the union between spouses and its life-giving power. Just as marriage integrates unitive and procreative, so must the physical expression of spousal communion. To separate the unitive from the procreative in the marital act is to disintegrate it and to frustrate Gods plan for marriage.

Marriage is designed to give life, not to turn inward on itself. The grace of God that exists in the love of spouses is meant to overflow to the world. God gives life and love abundantly and expects us to do the same. This is why Christ established marriage as a sacrament that signifies His own fecund relationship with the Church:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the Church, because we are members of his body.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the Church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband (Eph 5:25-33).

Christ espouses His Church, our mother, and in this covenant there is a mutual outpouring of self in which nothing is held back, even to the point of giving ones own life. The communion that exists between Christ and His Bride brings forth new lifespiritual children who deepen the life of the Church. In the same way, marriage must be life-giving. Spouses must exhibit the same total self-gift that Christ offered, holding nothing backincluding their fertility. Christs love for His Church is never contraceptive, never self-gratifying, but exists for the very purpose of creating new life.

Consider an entity in which two people love each other so much that they exist as one, and in which the love of this union is so real and so intense that another person proceeds from it, a person who is sent out into the world to sanctify it. Sound familiar? The life-giving love of family is analogous to the inner life of God himself. Pope John Paul II writes: “God in his deepest mystery is not a solitude, but a family, since He has in Himself fatherhood, sonship, and the essence of the family which is love.”4 When we live according to this mystery we conform to the image of God; when we live counter to it we deviate from the image of God.

As a communion of persons, the marriage that is open to children witnesses to the world the very life of God:

The Christian family is a communion of persons, a sign and image of the communion of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit. In the procreation and education of children it reflects the Fathers work of creation. It is called to partake of the prayer and sacrifice of ChristThe Christian family has an evangelizing and missionary task (CCC 2205).

This is the exalted dignity of marriage, expressed by the cooperation of unitive and procreative elements. To deny either is to deny the divine calling that makes marriage part of Gods plan.

(b) Isnt this philosophical hair-splitting? Does God really delineate marital sex into its unitive and procreative aspects?

If it seems unlikely that God would engage in categorizing and defining the aspects of marital sex, it is only because we know that God sees things in wholes, not in parts. God gets to the essence of things and so should we. This is why the Church exhorts her children to observe sex in its wholeness, not separating unitive and procreative. Parsing sex into categories comes about as a response to our abuse of its integrity.

Catechism Connection

The spouses union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couples spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family. The conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligation of fidelity and fecundity (CCC 2363).

Fecundity is a gift, and end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is on the side of life teaches that each and every marriage act must remain open to the transmission of life. This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act (CCC 2366)

(a) The practice of contraception holds that man, apart from God, is the overseer of when life shall begin.

Pope John Paul II explains:

At the origin of every human person there is a creative act of God [I]t follows that the procreative capacity, inscribed in human sexuality, isin its deepest trutha cooperation with Gods creative power. It also follows that men and women are not the arbiters, are not the masters of this same capacity, called as they are, in it and through it, to be participants in Gods creative decision. When, therefore, through contraception, married couples remove from the exercise of their conjugal sexuality its potential procreative capacity, they claim a power which belongs solely to God: the power to decide, in a final analysis, the coming into existence of a human person. They assume the qualification not of being cooperators in Gods creative power, but the ultimate depositories of the source of human life[C]ontraception isso profoundly unlawful as never to be, for any reason, justified. To think or to say the contrary is equal to maintaining that in human life situations may arise in which it is lawful not to recognize God as God.5

This, according to Dietrich Von Hildebrand, is the sin of irreverence:

The sinfulness of birth control is rooted in the arrogation of the right to separate the actualized love union in marriage from a possible conception, to sever the wonderful, deeply mysterious connection instituted by God. This mystery is approached in an irreverent attitude. We are here confronted with the fundamental sin of irreverence toward God, the denial of our creaturehood, the acting as if we were our own lords. This is a basic denial of our being bound to God: it is a disrespect for the mysteries of Gods creation, and its sinfulness increases with the rank of the mystery in question. It is the same sinfulness that lies in suicide or in euthanasia, in both of which we act as if we were masters of life.

Every active intervention of the spouses that eliminates the possibility of conception through the conjugal act is incompatible with the holy mystery of the superabundant relation in this incredible gift of God. And this irreverence also affects the purity of the conjugal act, because the union can be the real fulfillment of love only when it is approached with reverence and when it is embedded in the consciousness of our basic bond to God

We thus see that artificial birth control is sinful not only because it severs the mysterious link between the most intimate love union and the coming into existence of a new human being, but also because in a certain way it artificially cuts off the creative intervention of God, or better still, it artificially separates an act which is ordained toward cooperation with the creative act of God from this, its destiny. For, as Paul VI says, this is to consider oneself not a servant of God, but “Lord over the origin of human life.” 6

(b) Contraception impairs the full reciprocal self-offering that constitutes the marital embrace.

In his 1981 Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II describes this reservation of self in the marital embrace as an “objectively contradictory language”:

When couples, by means of recourse to contraception, separate these two meanings that God the Creator has inscribed in the being of man and woman and in the dynamism of their sexual communion, they act as “arbiters” of the divine plan and they “manipulate” and degrade human sexuality and with it themselves and their married partner by altering its value of “total” self-giving. Thus the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality (32).

The Most Reverend John J. Meyers, Archbishop of Newark, explains the Holy Fathers formulation:7

John Paul II roots the entire Christian sexual ethic not only in the structure of the act (though he acknowledges its importance), but rather in the meaning of the love reflected in sexual intercourse. Couples readily assent to the teaching that the normal meaning of intercourse is mutual love. They can also readily assent to the teaching that the ultimate meaning of sexual intercourse is when their love for each other can produce new life, if it be Gods will.

What they are gradually beginning to see is that within this context, it is morally dishonest to withhold part of that love through contraceptive intercourse.

Long before he became Pope, John Paul taught at length on sexual morality. He maintained that the only proper response to a person is love. For him, a person could never be reduced to the level of an object, a means to an end. Contraceptive intercourse, he posited, is one way in which married couples sin against one another, their own love, and the Creator, by reducing the other to a means of pleasure.

Moreover, as Pope, John Paul II has explored the marriage relationship more deeply. He has repeatedly explored the “language of the body.” The human body, with its sexual dimension seen in the very mystery of creation, is not only a source of fruitfulness and procreation, as in the whole natural order, but includes right from the beginning the “nuptial” attribute, that is, the capacity for expressing lovethat love precisely in which the man-person becomes a gift, and by means of that gift, fulfills the very meaning of his being and existence.8

The conjugal act is true only when the conjugal love which it expresses is true. As the Holy Father states: “In the act which expresses their conjugal love, the spouses are called to make of themselves a gift, one to the other: nothing of what constitutes their being a person may be excluded from this self donation.”9

Contraception introduces a limitation on the self-giving of the other, and therefore a falsification which contradicts true married love.

Married couples are gradually beginning to see the core practical teaching of the Holy Father: that married couples may engage in conjugal relations whenever they wish, but they must mean what they are saying with their bodies.

Pope John Paul II has, in other words, fueled a reexamination of the Churchs teaching on fertility and contraception by expanding the Churchs definition of contraception from the unlawful and unnatural sterilization of the sexual act, to the deeper and more comprehensive sterilization of human love and mutual self-gift:

Man and woman carry on in the language of the body that dialogue which, according to Genesis 2:24, 25, had its beginning on the day of creation. This language of the body is something more than mere sexual reaction. As authentic language of the persons, it is subject to the demands of truth, that is, to objective moral norms. Precisely on the level of this language, man and woman reciprocally express themselves in the fullest and most profound way possible to them by the corporeal dimension of masculinity and femininity. Man and woman express themselves in the measure of the whole truth of the human person.

Man is precisely a person because he is master of himself and has self-control. Indeed, insofar as he is master of himself he can give himself to the other. This dimensionthe dimension of the liberty of the giftbecomes essential and decisive for that language of the body, in which man and woman reciprocally express themselves in the conjugal union. Granted that this is communion of persons, the language of the body should be judged according to this criterion of truth

According to the criterion of this truth, which should be expressed in the language of the body, the conjugal act signifies not only love, but also potential fecundity. Therefore it cannot be deprived of its full and adequate significance by artificial means. In the conjugal act it is not licit to separate the unitive aspect from the procreative aspect, because both the one and the other pertain to the intimate truth of the conjugal act. The one is activated together with the other and in a certain sense the one by means of the other Therefore, in such a case the conjugal act, deprived of its interior truth because it is artificially deprived of its procreative capacity, ceases also to be an act of love.

It can be said that in the case of an artificial separation of these two aspects, a real bodily union is carried out in the conjugal act, but it does not correspond to the interior truth and to the dignity of personal communioncommunion of persons. This communion demands that the language of the body be expressed reciprocally in the integral truth of its meaning. If this truth be lacking, one cannot speak either of the truth of self-mastery, or of the truth of the reciprocal gift and of the reciprocal acceptance of self on the part of the person. Such a violation of the interior constitutes the essential evil of the contraceptive act.10

In their expression of marital sexuality, the couple signifies bodily such mutual, self-emptying love as Christ Himself poured forth on the Cross. For this reason, some in the Church have referred to the Crucifixion as the consummation of the union between Christ, the Bridegroom, and his bride, the Church. To deprive the marital act of its mutually self-emptying capacity by withholding ones generative power, is, simply put, a lie. One “speaks” with ones body what one does not mean interiorly. A communion of persons, which is the rightful end of the sexual act, cannot be achieved with such a reservation. Contraception is a violation of the communion for which sexuality is directed in the first place.

Bishops Speak

The covenant which husband and wife enter at marriage requires that all intercourse remain open to the transmission of new life. This is what becoming “one flesh” implies: complete self-giving, without reservation or exception, just as Christ withheld nothing of Himself from His bride, the Church, by dying for her on the cross. Any intentional interference with the procreative nature of intercourse necessarily involves spouses withholding themselves from each other and from God, who is their partner in sacramental love. In effect, they steal something infinitely precious themselves from each other and from their Creator.

Of Human Life: A Pastoral Letter to the People of God of Northern Colorado on the Truth and Meaning of Married Love:

July 22, 1998.

Most Reverend Glennon P. Flavin, DD, Former Bishop of Lincoln, Nebraska

Therefore, we who have been blessed by God with the gift of the Catholic Faith can have no doubt about the immorality of artificial contraception. The Catholic Church clearly teaches that the use of artificial contraception in all its forms, including direct sterilization, is gravely immoral, is intrinsically evil, is contrary to the law of nature and natures God. This is and always has been the uninterrupted teaching of the Catholic Church from the beginning.

The ban on contraception is not a disciplinary law of the Church, like abstinence on Friday, which the Church can enact and which the Church can change and from which the Church can dispense for good reasons. Rather, it is a Divine Law which the Church cannot change any more than it can change the Law of God forbidding murder. Artificial contraception is wrong, not because the Church says it is wrong (it was wrong before Christ established the Church); it is wrong because God Himself, through the revelation of His Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, has declared it to be wrong. Because artificial contraception is intrinsically evil, it may never be practiced for any reason, no matter how good and urgent. A good end never justifies the use of an evil means.

A Pastoral Letter to Catholic Couples and Physicians on the issue of Artificial Contraception:

October 11, 1991.

Did you know …

According to the 1995 National Survey of Family Growth, conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics, the percentage of Catholic women (ages 15-44) who were using some form of contraception was 70% versus a 64% rate for women in the general population.

In 1988, the most common form of contraception among Catholic women was oral contraception (the Pill), whereas in the 1995 study, the most frequent form of contraception was sterilization. 40% of Catholic respondents reported the use of sterilizationthat represents 4.8 million Catholic women ages15-44. The rate of sterilization among Catholics doubled from 1988 to 1995.

Only about 3% of Catholic women using a method of birth regulation use Natural Family Planning: about 300-400 thousand women.

Richard J. Fehring, DNSc, RN, and Andrea Matovina Schlidt, BSN, RN. “Trends in Contraceptive Use Among Catholics in the United States.” Linacre Quarterly, 68 (2): 170-185.

About the Author

This booklet is drawn from Chapter 1 of Called to Give Life by Jason T. Adams. Jason Adams is a father of five and the Theology Chair at Guerin Catholic High School, Noblesville, Indiana. He serves as Outreach Associate for One More Soul, the publisher of Called to Give Life. He holds the degrees of Bachelor of Arts, in Secondary Education, from Purdue University, and Master of Arts, in Theology and Christian Ministry, from the Franciscan University of Steubenville. Jason and Linda have used Natural Family Planning to successfully postpone and achieve pregnancy throughout their marriage, and have shared their testimony to its benefits in Pre-Cana, RCIA, young adult/youth groups, and other venues.

Foot Notes

1 Lawler, Ronald, O.F.M., Cap., et al. Catholic Sexual Ethics. Our Sunday Visitor, Huntington, Indiana: 1996, pp.153-154.

2 West, Christopher. Good News About Sex & Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions about Catholic Teaching. Charis/Servant Publications, Ann Arbor, Michigan: 2000, p.112.

3 Note that this discussion encompasses premarital sex. Fornication is a violation of the procreative aspect of marriage in that it denies the right of children to be conceived, born, and reared within a permanent union of mother and father (i.e., a family). It furthermore violates the unitive end of marriage insofar as “unitive” is understood to mean the permanent and unbreakable communion of persons that constitutes marriage.

4 in Hahn, Scott, A Father Who Keeps His Promises, Charis (Servant), Ann Arbor, MI, 1998, p. 36.

5 Pope John Paul II, Discourse, Sept. 17, 1983; 28 The Pope Speaks 356, 356-57 (1983); as quoted in The Winning Side, Dr. Charles Rice, p.109.

6 Von Hildebrand, Dietrich. Love, Marriage, and the Catholic Conscience: Understanding the Churchs Teachings on Birth Control. Sophia Institute Press, Manchester, New Hampshire: 1998, pp.45-46.

7 The following is excerpted from Bishop John J Meyers, “The Rejection and Rediscovery by Christians of the Truths of Humanae Vitae,” Trust the Truth, The Pope John Center, Braintree, Massachusetts: 1991.

8 John Paul II, General Audience, 16 January, 1980.

9 John Paul II, Discourse on Responsible Parenthood, 17 September, 1983.

10 General Audience, August 22, 1984.

How should a couple discern “just” and “serious” reasons for postponing pregnancy?
Intentions and Motivation

Spouses are called to have children, as children are the “supreme good” of married life (CCC 1664). However, there is no obligation to have as many children as physically possible without consideration of circumstances. Rather, the Church teaches that procreation may be regulated under certain conditions:

For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality (CCC 2368).

Those are also to be considered responsible who for serious reasons [seriis causis] and with due respect for moral precepts, decide not to have another child for either a definite or an indefinite amount of time.1

The Church provides some guidelines for determining when it is moral to have children and when it is moral to postpone or cease having children. The decision must be considered in light of the Christian virtues of self-donation, charity, and prudence. Self-donation and charity, which are so closely related as to be practically synonymous, demand that the decision to have children consider first and foremost the good of the children (both existing and future), that is, a selfless appraisal of the intrinsic value of another child and his/her welfare, as well as proper concern for children already born. Prudence calls us to make wise and responsible decisions in service of charity and guides charity to its most fruitful end.

It is neither prudent nor charitable to have more children than a couple can reasonably care for. Indeed, Karol Wojtyla (John Paul II) teaches in his book Love and Responsibility that the prudent exercise of the gift of procreation is part of responsible parenthood:

There are, however, circumstances in which this disposition [to be a responsible parent] itself demands renunciation of procreation, and any further increase in the size of the family would be incompatible with parental duty. A man and a woman moved by true concern for the good of their family and a mutual sense of responsibility for the birth, maintenance, and upbringing of their children, will then limit intercourse and abstain from it in periods in which this might result in another pregnancy undesirable in the particular conditions of their married life and family.2

Specific Criteria

Humanae Vitae teaches that there are four factors that must be weighed in order to make a prudent decision to procreate: physical, psychological, economic, and social (HV 10). While there is no checklist of specific criteria formulated by the Church for these factors, we can reasonably identify the more obvious points. Danger to the physical well-being of the mother and/or child, inability to physically provide basic care for children, severe mental disability that makes responsible parenthood impossibleall of these could be serious or just reasons for postponing children. Economic factors might include an inability to provide for the basic needs of the children (e.g., food, shelter, clothing, safe environment, adequate education, medical care), serious marital instability, spousal abuse, gross lack of spousal support, and unemployment, to name a few, while social factors would include such things as compulsory limits to family size.

These more obvious criteria may not describe the situation of many couples, in whose case the decision to procreate is a clearer calling and obligation though not without some degree of ambiguity and moral deliberation. In these cases it might be more helpful to identify what could be considered invalid or selfish motives for the postponement of children. Loss of free time, sense of lost youth, cramped social life, inconvenience, change in sex life, inopportune timing, distaste for babies bodily functions (diaper changing, spit-up, slobber, crying, etc.), and materialism (inordinate attachment to material possessions), arguably all fall short of the standard of just or serious reasons.

The Second Vatican Councils Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World also offers some criteria for discerning the call to have children:

Parents should regard as their proper mission the task of transmitting human life and educating those to whom it has been transmitted. They should realize that they are thereby cooperators with the love of God the Creator, and are, so to speak, the interpreters of that love. Thus they will fulfill their task with human and Christian responsibility, and, with docile reverence toward God, will make decisions by common counsel and effort. Let them thoughtfully take into account both their own welfare and that of their children, those already born and those which the future may bring. For this accounting they need to reckon with both the material and the spiritual conditions of the times as well as of their state in life. Finally, they should consult the interests of the family group, of temporal society, and of the Church herself. The parents themselves and no one else should ultimately make this judgment in the sight of God. But in their manner of acting, spouses should be aware that they cannot proceed arbitrarily, but must always be governed according to a conscience dutifully conformed to the divine law itself, and should be submissive toward the Churchs teaching office, which authentically interprets that law in the light of the Gospel. That divine law reveals and protects the integral meaning of conjugal love, and impels it toward a truly human fulfillment. Thus, trusting in divine Providence and refining the spirit of sacrifice, married Christians glorify the Creator and strive toward fulfillment in Christ when with a generous human and Christian sense of responsibility they acquit themselves of the duty to procreate. Among the couples who fulfill their God-given task in this way, those merit special mention who with a gallant heart, and with wise and common deliberation, undertake to bring up suitably even a relatively large family (GS 50).

The council urges that spouses balance the “duty” to procreate with their state in life, the welfare of their existing and future children, as well as the needs of the Church and the world. Their discernment should be filled with the spirit of sacrifice and trust in divine providence. The concrete, practical living out of these ideals requires us to take stock of our priorities and consider what is really important in life. Our Lord taught, “seek first the kingdom of God and his justice, and all these things shall be given you besides” (Mt 6:33). Every good in our lives hinges on our relationship with God, whether the good is material means, personal fulfillment, or companionship. If we fail to embrace the call of God by rejecting the goods with which he has endowed marriage, the things that we try to put in place of these goods are emptied of their significance. Pitting our plans against Gods can never lead to fulfillment. Trusting in Gods providence in the spirit of sacrifice places our desires at the disposal of God with the confidence that He knows what is best for us and will never stop caring for us.

Getting Your Ducks in a Row

A serious decision of conscience such as this requires prayerhonest, deep, and persistent prayer. Guidance from priests, NFP couples, holy friends and family, books, tapes, and videos help provide direction and conscience formation. Cutting costs, living more simply, and reprioritizing our material desires, can help eliminate financial obstacles to choosing parenthood or a larger family. A couple should do everything they can to make a truly informed choice based on the objective norms for marriage and procreation revealed in the Church. A well-founded decision would involve at least the following three elements: 1) consulting the official teaching of the Church, 2) prayer and soul-searching, and 3) advice of Church authorities. To make such an important decision without these would be seriously negligent.

Because marriage, by its very nature, is ordered to the procreation and education of children (CCC 1652), spouses have a responsibility to steer their circumstances, over time, in the direction of having children. Excepting the rare cases of spouses who are physically, psychologically, economically, or socially incapable of caring for children, spouses are called to actively plan their lives for the eventuality of having children. Steps must be taken to facilitate openness to life in attitude and circumstance even if the couple has chosen to take some time to think about it. Couples who neglect these stepsprayer, inquiry, introspection, financial self-controlhave never really entered the realm of conscientious deliberation but may have a priori closed themselves to new life.

Listening to Our Bodies

Natural Family Planning opens the door for couples to listen to their bodies in the discernment of whether to welcome or postpone children. The desire for the marital embrace can not be reduced to a purely physiological impulse. Rather, it is properly understood as a divinely crafted inclination that harmonizes physical desire with actual grace (divine prompting toward some good). In other words, the sexual impulse toward our spouse is a means of divine suggestion. If we are constantly and indefinitely denying attraction to our spouse, we may need to consider (prayerfully weigh the possibility in consultation with ones spouse) relaxing the rules for the postponement of children and take some chances, realizing that children are often a greater blessing than we can ever imagine.

It is a mistake to expect the will of God to manifest itself like a lightning bolt from heaveninfusing certain knowledge of Gods willwhile ignoring the more ordinary channels through which God communicates. God speaks to us through our sexuality, and these urges created by God also respond to His providential guidance. This is not to say that we are slaves to our natural impulses. As rational creatures, we cooperate intelligently with the creator in the choices we make. The presence and timing of attraction toward our spouse is not an automatic mandate from God that we must have children, but it helps us discern whether we will accept the vocation of parenthood, or the invitation to be open to another child.

Discerning the Call to Parenthood in the Larger Context of Faith

Like all moral decisions, the choice of whether to have a child is affected by the overall condition of our faith. The best way to prepare for such a life-changing decision is to (1) embrace the baptismal call to holiness in youth, (2) exercise sound judgment in choosing a spouse, (3) avoid premarital sex and cohabiting relationships in favor of loving and communicative relationships, and (4) develop the obedience of faith wherein we submit ourselves completely to the will of God.

Marriage preparation, seen in this light, begins in childhood. In fact, the Pontifical Council for the Family teaches that education in the meaning of marriage actually begins before birth in the atmosphere in which the new life is awaited and welcomed as a gift.3 Parents, priests, and youth ministers are obliged to model obedience, chastity, prayer, and openness to new life across the various ministerial settings. Attitudes are formed in our youth that determine our receptiveness to the Churchs teaching on contraception, NFP, and the blessings of children in our adult years. Those responsible for the formation of youth have a responsibility to actively structure the dating attitudes and practices of young people so they learn early the real meaning of love as mutual self-donation, not mutual gratification. This type of formation conforms our will to Gods will, which remains always open to love and life. This more comprehensive approach will help eliminate the “loophole morality” that seeks the minimum number of children a couple is “required” to have and helps open marriages to the blessings of children and to the possibility of a large family. The fertility of marriage is not a numbers game but abandonment to Gods plan of joyous spousal love and the flourishing of new life.

A Personal Note

New life is what this whole process of discernment is all about, although it gets obscured sometimes in our discernment of the legal/moral obligations of marriage and parenthood. In the end life is the weightiest of all the criteria for discerning the call to parenthood. After all, life is the good which parenthood serves. This was brought home to my wife and me in the birth of our first child. For all the soul searching, study, discussion, and anxiety that accompanied our decision to have children, nothing convinced us more that parenthood was Gods call for us than when we embraced our new little baby boy. Once he came into our lives, there was never a second thought about whether we had made the right decision.

We planned for the birth of our first child first by relaxing the rules of NFP for postponement of children. As we did this our openness to children increased, until eventually we began actively and intentionally using the fertile times to achieve pregnancy. I firmly believe that once we allowed God a glimmer of access to our wills, he infused us with the desire to have children. Time and time again we have found ourselves wondering what all the worry was about as we enjoy our life as parents. Even though we have never worked harder or sacrificed so much, we have never felt more fulfilled and we have never been happier. Our children are an unfathomable gift from God of which we feel unworthy.

Once I worried about what I would have to give up in having children; now I know there is nothing that I would not give up for my children. They are infinitely more valuable to me than anything I own. They have deepened my love for my wife, and they have improved the way I spend my time. I see that I am a better person now than before, and that my potential is more fully realized because of this gift. We may have less disposable income, but we have learned to live happily on less. Simpler living has revealed to us just how much money we used to waste; parenthood has made us better stewards.

The bottom line is that all of my concerns about having children were obliterated the moment our son was born. We now have two beautiful children and hope to have more. The future growth of our family is still a subject of much prayer and discussion, but with far less anxiety and trepidation, because we have learned firsthand just how blessed parenthood can be. We are living life to the fullest, entrusting our family and our future to God.

Some Final Words on Discerning Parenthood

The final word on discerning parenthood is that there is no final word on discerning parenthood. It is tempting to want or demand a definitive checklist for making a decision, a kind of flowchart that produces a quick and certain answer to a complex question. The Church is clear on the responsibility of spouses to remain open to children and to avoid illicit means of postponing them (i.e., contraception). But the application of these norms may be more fluid than we would like them to be. We like clear and simple answers to questions, but we are not going to find one here. While the call to marriage is by its nature a call to parenthood, the choice of when to begin having children or whether to have another child should be worked out in prayer, honest communication among spouses, and good counsel from holy people, in light of the Churchs objective moral teachings on the goods of marriage and the conjugal union. There is pressure from both ends of the spectrum on this issue. Those with a so-called “contraceptive mentality,” or worse, those who ignore the issue altogether, want to deny the marital call to parenthood entirely in complete rebellion toward the meaning of marriage and the teaching authority of the Church. Spouses who pursue children with the attitude that more is always better without considering the impact on their family often put pressure on others to pursue parenthood without discernment or forethought. Both of these views polarize and complicate the discernment process unnecessarily. There simply is no one-size-fits-all approach to this issue because no two marriages or families are the same. Objective norms can be taught and reiterated, reasonable parameters can be set to help guide the process by ruling out frivolous reasons for postponing children, and methods of facilitating openness to children can be suggested. But the interplay between the human conscience and the truth that binds it is too subtle and complex to neatly wrap up in one fell swoop.

To those who are frustrated with the lack of definition in the discernment process, consider this distinction. When the moral decision facing us involves the prohibition of an intrinsic evil, such as abortion, our choice is unambiguouswe may never commit abortion under any circumstances. If we, by a positive act of the will, commit an action that is intrinsically evil, we have done wrong. When the moral decision facing us involves whether, or to what extent, we are to perform some positive good, the choice is less clear. For example, going to Mass is a morally good choice to which I am obligated every Lords Day. Does it then follow that I decide against this good [the Mass] if I dont go every day? Is it the case that if it is good to go to Mass, then I have sinned against this good if I dont go at every given opportunity? It is good, moreover, to adore the Blessed Sacrament because it is the Real Presence of Christ. Have I done wrong, if knowing this, I dont spend every waking moment in front of the Tabernacle in prayer?

Apply these scenarios to the discernment of parenthood. The choice to contracept is an intrinsically evil act, the willful commission of a prohibited deed, and is therefore clearly wrong. When our choice is whether to have children, when to have them, or whether to have more, it is not a matter of prohibition but of the commission of a good deed. Children are intrinsically good, but does this mean that if I dont have as many as possible I am sinning against this good? I am not obligated to have as many children as physically possible any more than I am obligated to attend Mass or to visit the Blessed Sacrament as many times as physically possible. The standard that I must follow in deciding to promote these goods is generositygiving all I can to promote a good prudently. You can see how this standard would be different for different people in different states of life. This is where the fluidity of discerning parenthood is revealed. Like the commission of any other good, we must determine our obligations insofar as they serve the good we want to promote.4 Getting involved in parish ministries, for example, is good; but it ceases to be good if in doing so I neglect my children, my wife, and the career with which I support them. Likewise, having children is good, but if we have more than we can support, we endanger the welfare of all our children and compromise the stability of our marriage. The generous approach is, in the former example, to involve myself in parish ministry as much as I can without compromising my family and career. In the latter example, I am generous when I have as many children as I can without compromising the welfare of my existing children and the stability of my marriage.5

Keeping Our Objectivity

It is wise at this point to reiterate that we must always abide by the objective teaching of the Church that children are a natural end of marriage and that the conjugal act must always remain open to new life. This is why the Church upholds the standard of serious or just reasons for the postponement of procreation. In the absence of these reasons it is understood that couples would not try to limit their acts of intercourse to the infertile periods. That the choice to not impede having children takes into consideration certain circumstances does not make it a purely subjective matterthe couple must make their choice within the bounds of the Churchs authoritative teaching.

It is our duty to apply the objective standards of married life to our discernment of parenthood as best we can, utilizing (1) input from authorities loyal to the teaching of the Church, (2) our prayer life, (3) the grace of the sacraments, (4) input from faithful couples, and (5) communication between spouses. Availing ourselves of all of these resources maximizes Gods input on the matter, which is what will ultimately give us the answers we seek. We will be spared a lot of anxiety if we remind ourselves that God knows we are not infallible, and he does not expect an infallible decision from us on this matter. God does not say to us, “I will cooperate with you to bring about new life, but if you get it wrong I will smite you!” Gods will is solicitous more than it is demanding. Of course, his will is certain and immutable but he brings us to his will as a teacher and loving father. It seems inconsistent with the nature of God that he would want us to be fearful or anxious over the decision to have children. On the contrary, it seems more likely that God would like us to see the decision to have children the same way we might see a decision about who we will marryexciting, full of expectation, hopeful, and passionate. The only way our discernment of parenthood will be these things to us is if we love our spouse generously and allow God into the discernment process in every way possible.

It follows that family life ministers and/or other teachers of the Churchs vision for marriage and family life explain not only the harm of contraception and the blessings of children, but that they offer couples friendly guidance about whether, when, and how large to make a family. It is not fair or wise to offer teaching in the methodology of NFP during marriage preparation and then to forget about these couples. NFP is an essential part of marriage preparation and follow-up is equally essentialit is more than a method; it is a ministry that is ongoing. Dioceses/parishes need to provide open-ended support and direction for couples trying to decide whether they want to begin or expand families. Parishes can conduct workshops, retreats, and days of recollection that specifically address this issue, wherein couples learn the Churchs wisdom on the issue and are given a variety of opportunities to examine themselves:

1. Meetings with seasoned parents who can articulate their experience with the discernment process and their experience as parents;

2. Time alone to discuss with each other where they are on the issue of openness to children;

3. Instruction on financial considerationsliving more simply and avoiding materialism;

4. Explanation of how to make prayer part of the decision-making process;

5. Discussion of appropriate and inappropriate criteria for postponing children;

6. Offering a Parenthood Support Group in the parish that will help couples who have decided to pursue achieving pregnancy.

Conducting events like these is easier than it might seem. NFP couples are usually more than willing and capable to help with this type of projectall it would take is a few motivated couples to make it work.

Couples who know they have the support of friends are much less anxious about the prospect of having children. Making a big decision alone is scary, but is less frightening when made with the help of trusted advisors. Parishioners will be much more open to children if they feel they dont have to go it alone. When the parish is seen by married couples as a support network that will welcome and nurture their childrenas well as provide a helping hand in their upbringing and formationthey will be encouraged to begin or expand their families. Yet parents are not the only ones to benefit from this kind of support. Vibrant, loving families are a wellspring of renewal for the parish and the whole Church. It is hard not to notice that parishes with an atmosphere of vitality and enthusiasm, parishes that are growing and reaching out to others, are full of robust families. We can see that the parish community is an essential partner in the discernment process of spouses, providing guidance, practical support, and an environment in which the gifts of the family bear fruit for the whole family of God.

About the Author

This booklet is drawn from Part 3 of Called to Give Life by Jason T. Adams. Jason Adams is a father of five and the Theology Chair at Guerin Catholic High School, Noblesville, Indiana. He serves as Outreach Associate for One More Soul, the publisher of Called to Give Life. He holds the degrees of Bachelor of Arts, in Secondary Education, from Purdue University, and Master of Arts, in Theology and Christian Ministry, from the Franciscan University of Steubenville. Jason and Linda have used Natural Family Planning to successfully postpone and achieve pregnancy throughout their marriage, and have shared their testimony to its benefits in Pre-Cana, RCIA, young adult/youth groups, and other venues.

Foot Notes

1 HV 10, Trans: Janet E.Smith, PhD. St Martin de Porres Press, New Hope, KY.

2 Love and Responsibility. Ignatius Press. San Francisco: 1993, p. 243.

3 Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage 23

4 See Called to Give Life, p. 31 for a treatment of the relationship between conscience and objective moral norms. See also Veritatis Splendor 59.

5 See Veritatis Splendor 52 for further discussion of moral prohibitions versus the obligation to do good.