By Kat Tomasewski
Source: Mom on the go in Holy Toledo
After getting the kiddos situation in the kitchen with an art project this morning I set off for the family room to fold clothes. Exciting I know! While folding I turned on the TV and quickly found myself being pulled into a talk show. The topic was unconventional marriages. The host was interviewing a traditional Orthodox Jewish marriage. First I found it ironic that the topic was unconventional marriages and the couple was in a traditional marriage. My second thought was, when did the traditional marriage become unconventional? Then I listen further and found myself mesmerized by the tradition, romance, and respect that this couple shared.
They explained that when they dated there was no physical contact. Their religion teaches that physical touch is powerful and very holy and should be reserved for husband and wife. They further explained that when you have physical touch you lose the object or purpose of dating, to get to know each other on a psychological level. If physical touch is present the focus is broken and lust can take over mimicking an artificial bond. The question that then begs to be asked, how do you know you have the physical chemistry? They so eloquently expressed how the love and intimacy builds and from that romance and the physical components naturally follow. It sounded so beautiful! Who would not want such a deep, meaningful, spiritual, and magical moment on their wedding day! Why does society tell us that this is the exception to the norm, why did the audience find this couples story to be so absurd?
Society, the media, social media, reality television, etc. tells us that the norm is premarital sex, birth control, and multiple sexual partners. That you have every right to experiment and get what you need physically, after all it is biological. Man or Woman, you need to be in control of your sexuality. Women specifically need to practice responsible sexual behavior and take control over their sexual health. Women should be on some form of birth control. Birth control has practically become an accessory for life for most women. Shoot, after asking what class are you taking, and what time do you get up in the morning, the next question going around college dorms is what birth control are you on? But by engaging in premarital sex and taking birth control women are depriving themselves of the natural biological means for selecting a mate.
When women take a hormonal contraceptive, they interfere with their biology and risk producing a hormonal imbalance that might make them more attracted to men with similar chemical makeup. If you were on the pill when you met your mate, you might, therefore, feel less attracted to him when you stop taking it—or worse, you may have greater trouble getting pregnant. Needless to say, either of these scenarios could cause problems within the relationship. Dr. Mercola
According to neuropsychologist Dr. Tim Jennings:
When you have premarital sex, your reward circuitry is bonded to them now (like when a mother gives birth to a baby and nurses the baby the hormone Oxytocin is released and produces the bonding experience…same hormone is released during sex) , and it will be much deeper and hurtful. Oftentimes, in breakups of people who’ve been sexually active, they can’t tolerate the sense of emptiness, so they rush into another relationship. The neuro circuits did not have time to reset, and so they’re impaired in their ability to bond with the next person, and they may become sexually active with them. This is just a repetitive cycle, and there are real impairments in bonding going on.
Thus, when you add the biological and hormonal imbalance of a contraceptive with premarital sex the results can be devastating. We officially rob ourselves of all that is beautiful and magical in this world. We rob ourselves of true love, a true biological and emotional connection to a mate, a lifelong partner. Why is society encouraging our young adolescents to get on birth control and ultimately destroy what God so perfectly created?
And then to take it a step further. For those who are fortunate to still remain married after all that hormonal imbalance, and are able to bear children, society then takes a hold and dictates yet another magical component of life, the gift of life! Through innuendos and stumble implications in society, a family should constitute 1-3 children. Anything else is absurd. After all children are an inconvenience, they cost money, and you should be happy with what you have…to have more is just irresponsible. So a step must be made to make certain no more children enter the marriage. Having the male get a vasectomy seems to be the preferred method. Shoot, it is practically a rite of passage these days. Men joke around about it and it has most recently been tokened as the March Madness procedure. If you are still questioning societies influence on the topic perhaps this will make it clearer, vasectomies are covered by insurance; and a reversal can cost thousands of dollars. What anyone fails to discuss is the emotional and physical strain it can have on a marriage. Every woman I have spoken with whose husband has had a vasectomy have expressed that they were not 100% comfortable with their decision. To add insult to injury, most of those men had a vasectomy when their youngest child was under a year old. Thus mom was still dealing with her own hormonal imbalances from child-birth.
I lost trust in my husband’s decisions for the family, but all the while I never expressed my heartache because the vasectomy changed my husband in many ways as well. He became very focused on his work, his career advancement and the money that he could make under the guise of “providing” for the family. He continued to seek his own will and not that of God in his decisions, and I felt afraid of the control that he had over me. In hindsight, taking away someone’s fertility against their will is one of the most controlling things that anyone can do. Source
In conclusion, what kills me is that I am in my 30s and it has taken me this long to realize the truth and the control society has if you allow it. How the beauty of the miraculous has been lost, we have replaced it with synthetics. My wish is that all young ladies understand the effects that birth control has on you and that premarital sex doesn’t make you an adult, self-control does! Addressing the religious component of our sexuality doesn’t always come across clearly to adolescents but scientific proof might.
Perhaps if we share the truth with younger generations the rate of divorces and infertility will be less. There would be less synthetic hormones streaming through female bodies and less synthetic love from premarital sex. They can base their mate selection on pure biological and psychological connect as God intended.